SAHM’S are you happy? What is your life like?

I personally know 5
or 6 3 to 4 year olds that currently do 9/10 hours a day, 4/5 days a week.

I know that the nurseries have a fair amount of staff turn over. So yes, new staff are strangers.

Why can't we say it as we see it?

Childcare may be a necessity for some, but around here it's probably not. It's more for more money, bigger cars and bigger houses and more holidays.

@LegoPoliceman oh right thanks for telling me. I hadn't read back but added my post about daytime television by coincidence then saw all this fuck off etc and was like wtf???

I haven't read through but if people are saying things like that then it is out of order.
The reason I have never watched daytime TV is because it is depressing and stultifying and that's why I haven't got fed up in the day not because I'm baking or crafting with my children because a lot of the time I'm not.

But am I wrong?

Well, seeing as the children are being looked after by childcare professionals who they see regularly, as opposed to "strangers"...

And as most children in childcare aren't spending 10 hours a time there...

Yes. Yes, you are wrong.

Just to chuck this into the childcare debate, I had a SAHM who was fucking horrible.

I would have been much better at full time daycare and then school with wrap around care until I was old enough to come home to a blissfully empty house.

The most important thing isn't if you stay home or go out to work, it's if you are a loving parent who isn't abusive.

My dc were in daycare four days a week because we needed the money. I missed them, I longed to be with them and I worried about them. Then, because my dc2 is disabled, I eventually had to quit work, but by this time all three of my kids were in school.

They are all completely unaffected by daycare, however, I suffered terribly and if I had my time again, wouldn't do it.

[quote Fizzwizzfozz]@paralysedbyinertia what on earth is this very angry post of yours about?[/quote]
I imagine, and the poster can feel free to correct me, that it's due to being repeatedly told that she isn't really raising her children/is farming them out to strangers and that she mustn't be doing much parenting if she thinks that a parent has time to watch television.

I'd be rather fucked off as well.

Having had inside experience of childcare centres I absolutely couldn't sent my child to daycare full time. My youngest is now over two so has started doing a few hours of nursery a day which my husband and I feel is appropriate, and I have started a small business which I'm hoping will grow.

I've been a SAHM for 5 years now and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Yes I have struggled with the lack of time to myself (DH works long hours), and sometimes I have struggled with feelings of jealousy that he gets to go and do grown up things every day! But I've also been able to do wonderful things like art galleries and museums (pre Covid) with our children which he has missed out on. I am glad the time has allowed me to learn a new skill which is allowing me to start a new business away from my old line of work.

Covid has definitely made us count our blessing that I am a SAHM, if I'd been in my old career we would have been screwed.

So yes, I have loved being a SAHM for the past few years and I'm glad to have to opportunity to transition to hopefully being a WAHM with a small business. After nearly 5 years I need something for myself again.

And that's not to say working parents aren't there for their kids.. I'm just talking about my experience with my mum and didn't want to derail the thread talking about working parents.

I'm not a stay at home mum, but my mum was a SAHM/housewife.. She had my brother and I, I always remember the house being spotless like a show room, dinner was always home cooked and the house was warm..both myself and my brother turned out highly educated with good jobs so I honestly think being around for your children and providing the comfort of being home does certainly help with your children thriving.. I say that as a working parent.

I have been a SAHM mum for 10 years now. My dc are now school age but are home educated. I have loved being at home with them, of course there are some days where bedtime can’t come soon enough but I feel really lucky that I have been able to spend to much time with my dc.

@paralysedbyinertia what on earth is this very angry post of yours about?

I'm an ambitious person who became a SAHM last year, in response to the needs of my 3 year old. I've not read all the posts but I haven't yet seen any that refer to different kids having different needs. Many children may be very happy at nursery, or a childminder or with a nanny, while others may not want this. We had a fantastic childminder for 2 years but my son became progressively more upset at drop off as he got older. He clearly had a good relationship with the childminder herself (we have kept in touch and he clearly loves her, so the issue was not her) but was really struggling being separated from his parents. We tried various methods to improve this but after a year we couldn't put him through this any more and I gave up work to look after him. He is so much happier now and his confidence has grown too.

I plan to go back to work when our children are at school. It's been hard not earning a wage and I've personally struggled with this at times, but we have so much fun. We laugh a lot and I enjoy figuring out activities he'll enjoy and I will too! It's not a permanent state of affairs and I feel quite privileged that I can do it.

@PerspicaciousGreen

*Franklyfrost
I don’t earn enough to cover child care. It’s beneficial up until the kids are 3-5 years.

Marriages can break down. If get a 50-50 split of assets it probably won’t be enough to meet all of your needs for the rest of your life. What do you do then? Also, wouldn’t it be more fair for both people in the relationship to work part time rather than one person keep the other (because once the kids are in school it’s all day leisure time).
Try finding a higher level part time job. Me and DH both working part time would struggle to earn as much as one of us working full time.*

That’s true. It’s unfair isn’t it.

You obviously don't parent that often to imagine that any parent has time to watch TV!!! The chance would be a fine thing. I think you rather gave yourself away there.

I'm a social worker, I can confirm that a large number of parents do nothing but watch TV all day.

You obviously don't parent that often to imagine that any parent has time to watch TV!!!

Oh fuck off with your goady nonsense. You're absolutely kidding yourself if you think that all SAHPs spend their days doing "naice" activities with their children. Sadly, I have seen for myself that this is not the case.

It seems important to you to big yourself up by insisting that WOHPs can't possibly be doing parenting as well as you are. I guess the proof is in the pudding - I look at my nearly 16yo dd and know that I must have got things pretty right. I don't actually care if you want to feel smug about the fact that you might have changed a few extra nappies. If it makes you feel better about yourself, enjoy that feeling.

I'm a SAHM. when I gave up work 5 years ago everybody said I'd be bored but I haven't been. I believe this is because I have NEVER EVER not even once watched daytime television.

I'm a pretend SAHM. DS is 8 but I've been staying at home for 20 years. I did work for years but was always teetering on the edge of complete breakdown. Eventually it all became too much (I was eventually diagnosed autistic) so DH suggested I quit as he was worried about me. Now I spend my days pottering around at home and in the garden.

We didn’t regard the nursery staff as strangers. We still send them Christmas cards. DT’s had the same key worker for four years and they became our babysitters.

Some lovely people on this thread, weirdly seem to be judgmental of those who may wish to criticse women's decisions to be SAHMs, but quite keen to point out how crap putting them in childcare is, the mind boggles. People who are secure in their choices are much less judgemental of others and don't feel the need to try and justify the reasons for theirs; maybe those posters need to examine their own decisions and figure out why that is :)

I’m in the situation of having two toddlers and wanting one more baby and have plans to retrain once they are all in school. My husband earns enough that luckily we have a pretty good situation without me being at work and the amount I would bring in after childcare is not enough to be worth the hours I have to put in or the physical danger of my career.
My eldest just started nursery and the time she is away lets me spend some better quality time with my youngest.
I can see myself needing to do something when they are all in school or I’ll go completely potty all by myself, but am hoping to retrain so I can set my own hours and be able to still pick up/drop off and do clubs and activities.
We are not wealthy by any measure and we definitely do without sometimes to facilitate me being at home, but we think it’s worth it to not have two knackered parents and I want to be there.
If I wanted to go back to work I can, but life would be infinitely more complicated and I like the status quo currently.

I really valued being a SAHM as did my son (who it turned out much later has ASD and dyspraxia), I think the years of 1 to 1 I put in allowed him to learn to cope with things that otherwise would have been an enormous struggle. Even his assessor said that for his obvious ASD not to have caused huge problems earlier he had obviously had a lot of time and effort put in to help him. I didn't even care if my OH didn't value it TBH let alone random others.

but apparently old enough to be out of the house for 10 hours a day

having a stranger change their nappies and feed them their food

BINGO!