SAHM’S are you happy? What is your life like?

I live somewhere where the opposite is the norm and nearly all women are at home for the first few years. I get a shocked reaction when I say I work. They also have a critically low birthrate and it's rare for women to have more than one child. I honestly think there's a correlation. The disadvantages to women are for many not a worthwhile pay off long term.

I was a stay at home mother for four years. That was mentally as much as I could take and I wanted a career path.
I think it's vital that women are respected for the choice. I do though think that care does not have to be from the mother always and the ideal would be where fathers shoulder more burden

What’s wrong with having a job which makes you happy and for which you studied for? You can have such a career and have a good family life. I’m hoping that DT’s are equally happy with their career choices.

I currently have two part-time jobs whilst juggling looking after a 3 year old. I'm expecting a second child later this year and will probably cut one part-time job and keep the other one where I can wfh. I can't imagine not working for more than a couple of years.

No not all people are high fliers .
Some have boring jobs they hate, some have jobs they love.
All on a sliding scale of pay and conditions.
But what has that to do with how well you parent your children?
Nothing

I think in the UK there is too much weight on a person"s identity through job role/title, so SAHM become a bit invisible because they don't fall into a category.

I considered being a sahm briefly but only because my job at the time wouldn't let me go back with reduced hours. I ended up in a different career but more flexible regarding hours. I knew that being a 100% sahm was definitely not for me.
I like my independence, being able to contribute and my own money which I invested. I also had a lot of work skills I wanted to continue to use. I enjoyed working. Now I'm older and am over the career stuff I am looking at early retirement which I can only do because I went back to work when I did. Very pleased with my choices.

No boasting- just responding to the comment that those of us who work aren’t all doing bookkeeping or insurance claims jobs. Why is ok for fathers to have careers but not mothers?

I’ve not criticised anyone for being a SAHP - I assume they can work out the finances for their family without an internet site commenting. I would have been a rubbish SAHM so happy with the choice I made. As DT’s are now 21 I can see it worked well for us. DT’s are just starting their careers so who knows what they will do in the future when they have a family. We will support them in whatever they decide

Ultimately it's the Protestant work ethic that annoys me. That if you're not earning money or at the very least "being productive" then you're worthless. That genuinely is something I hear/read a lot and I think it's wrong from a moralistic perspective and damaging from a MH perspective. But it really does seem to be modern British culture that you must be working working working all the time. Not unique to the SAHP/WOHP thing, but it really grinds my gears.

People like what they like. Some people like external structure, I like to arrange my own time. Some people like to feel they are progressing and achieving, I like pottering around in a more organic way. Some people would rather chew their own hands off than knit their own cardigans, I love handicrafts and seeing something physically come together. But I don't think buying wool and knitting it up is morally superior to buying a ready-made cardigan, and some people really do seem to think that working for money is morally superior to doing a bit of gardening.

*Parker231

I’ve never had a bookkeeping or insurance claim line job - don’t know much about either. I like my career as a corporate finance M&A specialist. It’s the norm to return to full time work as the training was long (and difficult) and it moves on very quickly so a long maternity leave wouldn’t work well. DH is a doctor and supportive of my career and takes joint responsibility for DT’s and the home

Not really sure how your boasting is relevant to what I was saying? Trying to make other women feel bad is exactly the point I was making.

I don’t care what you do and even less what your husband does. I was highlighting that these kind of posts are exactly designed to make other people feel inadequate because basic statistics will demonstrate that most men and women are not high earning, high fliers and if they want to give up their job for a while, that’s ok.

WOHPs rueing the financial vulnerability of SAHPs with a distinct undertone that the SAHP was either too stupid or naive to have made an informed choice about undertaking the role. Rumblings of SAHPs being bad role models or feminists without any questioning of why our capitalist society functions in such a way that even taking a few years out of a previously successful career has to be so fatal to someone's career and how someone can undertake a role of immense value without being financially renumerated (hint: women didn't make up the rules). Suspicion that SAHPs are non-ambitious and more easily fulfilled than their WOHP counterparts

This exactly, the patronising of other women, awful.

Excuse typos, my phone keyboard keeps sticking

*and judge someone, not who

Your mental health nosedived, therefore you feel justified in assuming that it would be the same for others.

My point about the book keeping is that unlike the fantasy world of many on here, not everyone is a high flying Dr or lawyer. It’s just another way to make some feel bad about making a choice you don’t agree with.

If you are secure I your voices then you don’t call other mothers brain dead or lazy.

It's depressing how these threads always go the same way.

WOHPs rueing the financial vulnerability of SAHPs with a distinct undertone that the SAHP was either too stupid or naive to have made an informed choice about undertaking the role. Rumblings of SAHPs being bad role models or feminists without any questioning of why our capitalist society functions in such a way that even taking a few years out of a previously successful career has to be so fatal to someone's career and how someone can undertake a role of immense value without being financially renumerated (hint: women didn't make up the rules). Suspicion that SAHPs are non-ambitious and more easily fulfilled than their WOHP counterparts.

WOHPs and SAHPs are not different species nor do they need to be pitted against each other. You will find a bunch of intelligent and driven people doing both roles and also some lazy and unmotivated people. You may plan on being a WOHP/SAHP for life and circumstances intervene to push you into the other category. It won't fundamentally change who you are or give you more moral worth.

I’ve never had a bookkeeping or insurance claim line job - don’t know much about either. I like my career as a corporate finance M&A specialist. It’s the norm to return to full time work as the training was long (and difficult) and it moves on very quickly so a long maternity leave wouldn’t work well. DH is a doctor and supportive of my career and takes joint responsibility for DT’s and the home.

Have been reading this thread with interest (no children personally yet but am curious about potential future decisions so thanks for all the insight.) Herefore not chiming in on my opinion of preference (as apparently its irrelevant)

However, OP, think it is a bit rich to keep saying how SAHM is so looked down upon whilst also constantly crowing about how fantastic it is for a child, how much better it is surely for them to be with their mother in the day etc...tbh you sound a bit judgey of working mums and I can see how they might take it that way as everyone is always more sensitive to criticism of their own situation. Maybe try toning down your judgement that your way is the right way, and you'll get the same courtesy back

I do somewhat judge SAHPs with school age children as wraparound care is much cheaper than nurseries, and barring perhaps parents of kids with SEN or health issues, there's no way housework and life admin fills the 25-30 hours a week children are at school. I guess at that point I would consider it a somewhat lazy choice and quite unfair on the parent wohm to bear all the financial responsibility.

I take it you are just lazy when you aren't at work then
Gosh life would be boring if all sahp's only had housework and admin to look forward to everyday.
Hobbies and interests take up most of my time as I have a decent dh who has never left it all to me, he does at least 50% of the domestic stuff.
As for unfair, do you really think couples don't agree together to have a sahp?
Mine loves me being at home, we spend a lot of time together, sometimes have a duvet day together if nothing planned.
Life is for living whether you woh or sah.
"Enjoy yourselves, it's later than you think".

Temple quite.
It’s amazing how so many SAHMs have husbands with amazing careers, and who can manage to be amazing dads and have said amazing careers.
Must be their amazing bollocks that do it.

But women. Well we book keep and dream of not working. We can’t possibly have great jobs or manage to enjoy a career and family life - like the menfolk.

think it’s jealousy actually, same as the faux financial concern for random strangers on the internet if they get divorced

Its really not jealousy, my MH nosedived when I was SAH.
I love WOH and have an interesting job not " a bit of book keeping"
Why is it always a miserable non interesting job when women have a job/ career and a marvellous interesting job when its the DH ?
The subject of financial inequality is relevent on a parenting website.
Not sure why you think its a faux concern?

I’ve never understood the suggestion that posts are driven by envy.
I’ve never ever envied my SAHM acquaintances. I did that for a bit. Quite enjoyed myself but enjoyed myself much more with family life and a career.
Some folk like a bit of everything. Most men do of course.

It’s the same point though not everyone is envious of that, I’d find that depressing

Yes, absolutely, heaven forefend you should do something intellectually stimulating like reading higher level books or taking a course or taking up a complex hobby

When I have a non sleeping baby my brain dribbles out of my ears but once I get a full night's sleep I regain the brain and curiosity that got an Oxbridge degree. They don't surgically remove IQ points on the labour ward!

Apparently all the ‘super intelligent posters’ think that is the case.

I only read the first page before jumping to the end because I couldn’t face it after seeing a particularly sneering comment about a graveyard of pensioners and SAHM. That level of ignorance is depressing.

I would love to spend time with pensioners, also SAHM, many are highly qualified and ditched the job.

I couldn’t care less what other people do (I work) but it’s laughable that some posters think that they are so intellectually exciting because they do a bit of book keeping or staff an insurance claim line 9-5.

I do think it’s jealousy actually, same as the faux financial concern for random strangers on the internet if they get divorced.

I was a SAHM for 7 years, people look down on SAHMs particularly other women, but if I could I would rather have stayed as a SAHM. I don't see how balance is possible working and doing everything else.