SAHM’S are you happy? What is your life like?

I couldn't be a SAHP purely because I couldn't be financially dependent on someone else, and I am not independently wealthy enough to give up work. I don't really care what decisions other people make

From a point of a non British person who now lives in the UK I had never heard of SAHP! I'm from a Scandi country were it wasnt something I knew any of my friends parents doing. A think a combination is that society is set up around family life, so long well paid parental leave, flexible working hours and cheap childcare. Also theres a culture of pride in working and contribution to society by doing your job and paying taxes (that goes to free hospital, health care, education etc).

I have to admit that I didnt get SAHMP. But that is because I grew up with a different experience and I definitely get it in the UK as childcare is so expensive, parental leave is not the best and working hours are often not compatible with having children.

I chose to go back to work full time but found it very hard. I've dropped one day and compressed my hours which has helped massively and also really greatly for flexible hours in my job and my childs wonderful nursery.

All in all, do what suits you and your family within what you can afford.

I'm a SAHM as DH works long hours so couldn't commit to helping at home, if I worked I'd have to do everything at home and have a job.

I have money to use as I please, I have time to do my hobby (horses), I've studied for qualifications.

It's not easy but I do get to be my own boss.

Why does one persons comment that they need more a intellectually stimulating environment relate to you though.

For me, it's the implication that it has to be got through paid employment when if people want intellectual stimulation there are lots of ways to get it. I'm a sahm. I graduate this summer with another degree. I joined 2 book clubs, one in another language to my mother tongue, I'm learning another language and I do a lot of voluntary work in fields very similar to those I used to work in. I spend close if not more of the hours I would be spending at work across a week, doing those things.

didn't say it's wrong to WOHM, where are you getting that from?
Read the charming comments from Devlesko
Yes I agree its a discussion forum but its taking one persons comments as aimed at you personally when its about themselves.
Thats half the problem really.

PerspicaciousGreen:
From that, I'm sure we learned not to put the obligation of 'gratitude' on to our children. It is such a flipping burden, isn't it?

I'm not saying my mum wasn't good in some ways of course because she was but the implication of what she sacrificed was always there and, frankly, I didn't see her go without anything.

Templetreebalm: Once they were older I wanted to go back to work for my career and the intellectual stimulation as being at home with 3 DC didnt provide that in the same way that my work did.
Seriously Im baffled as to why this is deemed "wrong"
I love them to bits, was hands on, interested in their learning and development and was a good mother ( so Im told) but my work is different to that.
......
I know exactly what you mean. I was fulfilled in a completely different way at work (which I found very interesting) and, though I worked with other people who had children, we had topics of conversation other than our kids and were not bogged down in trivia.

[quote HopeForTheBestExpectTheWorst]@templetreebalm

I'm laughing (wryly) at the comments being made about how it's boring/dull/repeptitive/unstimulating etc etc

The implication again and again that if you are happy to settle for being a SAHM then you obviously don't require intellectual stimulation.[/quote]
Ok?

Why does one persons comment that they need more a intellectually stimulating environment relate to you though.
Its not aimed at anyone other than the person making the statement about themselves.
When mine were little I was so sleep deprived I forgot one of their names when asked 🤣
Once they were older I wanted to go back to work for my career and the intellectual stimulation as being at home with 3 DC didnt provide that in the same way that my work did.
Seriously Im baffled as to why this is deemed "wrong"
I love them to bits, was hands on, interested in their learning and development and was a good mother ( so Im told) but my work is different to that.

Shift work
The work wasnt shit

I was two when I was sent to private nursery and five when I was sent to private school. Obviously it was their choice. I had no idea. How could I? To me it was just school. My mother tells me I'm ungrateful for her having to get up at 6am for 13 years because my school was 90 minutes away. They chose where to live, they chose my school. I also had to get up at fuck off o'clock and get home at gone dark o'clock for thirteen years. I had no say in the matter.

I'm an NHS professional and had 3 DC under 4. It was just impossible to pay for nursery care for all 3 so we made drastic cut backs and I had a 6 year career break.
I wasn't expecting to enjoy it quite so much as I did but I loved those years. For me it was utter bliss to wake up morning after morning and have nothing to stress over. No commute, no deadlines.
Without a doubt it was the happiest time of my life but financially we are still not back to where we were. Eg was band 7 when I left and have been band 6 since returning and my pension took a hit.
However, I would quit to be a foster carer if I could but all our bedrooms are occupied.

Devlesko: Anyone who finds caring for their own children as dull and unintellectually stimulating shouldn't have had kids.
.............
Did you never find it tedious and long to do something more stimulating, to be with adult people who had interests other than children, to be regarded as a person in your own right, not just X & X's mother?

Nobody should ever tell their children that they have made sacrifices for them. The word 'sacrifice' implies some sort of hardship. Children do not ask you to make any sacrifices, if you go without in order to make better lives for them (which many parents do), it is your choice.

I grew up hearing from my mother about sacrifices she and my father had made for me and how I should be grateful, or that I was ungrateful.

@YouJustDoYou I'm glad you've found peace

Of course I wouldn't have had kids if I'd realised how I'd feel about the reality. But I didn't we planned for me to go very part time because I expected to love it. But I didn't. You can't just shove them back in!

We do sacrifice for dc, we brought them into this world and no one will care for them like we do, certainly not a bored over worked, poorly paid teen in nursery!!
But there is also a limit on what each person can take, it's gruelling and hard work with small dc!
I've got cousins over seas with nanny's galore and they still bloody moan about child care

Op, I've not waded through 19 pages.

Each person has such different perspectives and reasons why they do each things.
I was a sashm, I spent each and every day with each until 5 and it still feels like a life to me ago and a distance memory. Now 14 and 9.
I wouldn't take it back although just a few hours break each day would have been good.
I'm working now, it's wonderful, I love it, dc see me working, know I love my job, I obviously bring in money, things have massively eased for us, being a sham we were pretty poor money wise.
I wouldn't take it back for the world although one dc was definitely easier than the other.

Anyone who finds caring for their own children as dull and unintellectually stimulating shouldn't have had kids.

Eeek...but how does one know how they'll feel about parenting until they actually do it?! I thought I'd LOVE it, I really truly did. Turned out I loathed the first few years 95% of the time and I had brilliant DC compared to many (bright, good sleepers, calm and mostly compliant). I read all the books during the first two years of SAH parenting but then I was bored of that topic as I had learnt all I really needed to know. It wasn't enough, I found the day to day 24/7 care of them/the house beyond tedious. I only started enjoying it when they went to preschool and I was finally able to do my own thing.

There's more than one way to parent a child. Just because people do it differently to you doesn't mean they shouldn't have done it at all.

I'm a SAHM my little ones are 1 & 2 so I had to come out of work, at least until they both start nursery, I couldn't afford paying nursery fees for the 2 of them it would be way more than I'd earn so I'm just waiting it out.
I love being at home with them although it is exhausting most days and I'm beyond tired! I do enjoy watching them bond and I've seen all the milestones etc which I'm very grateful for... I do find it very boring tho, not them as such they are so funny and entertaining, more so the repetitive parts like the cleaning up toys for the 4000000th time before 10am sort of stuff

yes, I'm very content, it's a gentle, happy life. I had a horrific childhood, I worked for several decades in long hour low pay jobs. my first born died. now, I have my.own income through savings isas, I have healthy children, I spend all day doing what other deem.drudgery but I am content and happy and at peace.

I'm doing an OU degree (when the world is less school-closery), that's intellectually stimulating. I'm discovering things about cells I never knew before. It's considerably less fun that owing on my babies and being kissed in reward.