SAHM’S are you happy? What is your life like?

*I was a teacher (secondary). It was totally incompatible with parenting as a single parent to younger children. Sorry if that's not helpful but schools as employers are not in a position to support anyone needing time off for childcare.

Not a full stay at home mum but have dropped to two days in work, I don't want to give it up completely as I'm a nurse & a HV, I'll lose my registration and have to do a return to practice course if I wanted to go back. I also enjoy my job. I was 3 days after DS, DD is 7 months, I was 13 weeks pregnant at the first lockdown so not been in clinic for all that time. I can't wait. I can't wait for the routine and to have my work time. With school and nursery drop off it just didn't make sense to go back 3 and struggle.

[quote Nevermindgeorge]@cinammonbuns I agree it doesn’t need to be at all, but it could also be nice if it was? And not looked down upon 🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
Perhaps it would he nice, but it isn't always feasible for lots of people for lots of reasons. Many will see their children thrive in being around other children at nurseries/childminders and developing strong bonds with other families such as grandparents. There is no right or wrong.

Conversely, I have observed more comments that can sound judgemental of full-time working mums e.g. they are only little for a short time/you'll never get this time back. Comments like that can rub salt into the wound of parents who would like to be around more but can't for a variety of reasons. But perhaps that's because this is my situation so I naturally notice those comments more. Perhaps the same could be said of you?

I did enjoy being a SAHM for a while but now I'm done with it. I did get work last summer but failed my probationary period because of the need to home school in September. I am really low now youngest is at school, I don't even get interviews I am very restricted on hours I can apply for as my husband's work is frequently away, overnight and quite a few weekends but nothing is fixed. I want so badly to work. Right now I get why I am at the bottom of the pile 6 years out of work I might as well have no qualifications or experience AND I can only commit to mon- Friday. I'm hardly looking keen.

I loved my time as a SAHM. They really are tiny for so little time, I'm glad I got to spend that time.

But, when DS was tiny there were so many opportunities to spend quality time with him. Local toddler groups were plentiful and inexpensive. There was no pandemic limiting numbers at sessions. There were also lots of volunteering and training opportunities available locally, so I was able to spend a few hours a week being a grown up and keeping my brain ticking over.

If I lived somewhere isolated with little to do, or indeed was at home during the pandemic I'd probably have had a very different experience.

I had to work with my first DC as I was a single parent from her being 6m. It was hard but basically I decided to devote her first years to be centred around her - so, providing for her, roof over our heads, food, clothing, paying for nice things for us to do on a weekend and earning enough to be able to visit my family. Everything she needed came from me, we were a great team and still very close. I don't recall missing any milestones or not being there for her emotionally, she was simply at the centre of everything (including me taking time for self care once she was tucked up in bed so I was regrouped enough to cope with everything). I worked up to director level so I had autonomy and enough money (and flexibility for school plays, unpaid leave etc. )

Now with three DC and a DH, and made redundant (thanks Covid) so have been a SAHM for a year (and previously on mat leave 2 years ago). Also love it, I do prefer it (especially as I simply hate commuting!) as I adore and am interested in daily life with my kids. It's never boring, plus no HR crap to deal with! However, my DD was so proud of my job so I'll eventually look for something with more balance. Especially as I've just had another DD. Plus I don’t want DH to have the pressure of being sole earner - he loves being with the kids too!

It doesn't have to be either or. But not many job structures support more balance. I'm determined to find it!

OP - never complain, never explain

I knew I was doing what was best for my DD and for me. And trust me, there is plenty of time to catch up with work so don't let the doom mongers of Mumsnet make you doubt your choice.

[quote Nevermindgeorge]@girlmama32 I love it too (most of the time 🤣) I don’t see how some wouldn’t see it as an amazing thing[/quote]
And thus variety is the spice of life. We’re all different as I can’t understand how you do it happily. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't think SAHMs are 'looked down upon' as such.

But a lot of people - me included - think it's stupid to make yourself so reliant upon another person and give up your independence.

Just look at some of the threads on MN, for examples of why.

I genuinely love being a sahm. I just love spending all day with my kids, even this last year! But I totally get it's not for everyone. I find it a pretty easy life and definitely have it a lot easier than working parents in my experience. I gave up work when I had ds1, I hated my job and it wouldn't have worked with a small child anyway. I've been so fortunate to have a husband who earns good money who just shares it all with me. I have a savings account in my own name that DH pays into each month for my retirement/if we were to ever split. I plan to return to work when my youngest is at school. I have never been career minded, I just don't care, but again, that's just me and I totally admire women who are.

Maybe it’s because wealth, success and intelligence are celebrated and the ‘anyone can be a mother’ idea suggests that you’re not intelligent or you’re lazy if you stay at home to look after a child.

Or perhaps it’s just that culturally, women are always found wanting, and so anything that’s exclusively a woman’s role, ie mothering, is not celebrated.

None of these viewpoints are my own, by the way. Though I will be entirely honest and say I cannot understand how people do it as I found it so tedious. But that’s not to say I think they’re lazy/stupid etc. Of course not. Mothering is a hard job and often unfulfilling.

I’ve been a SAHM for 7years now, I loved it, it was planned and it has worked out for us and our family. My youngest is at nursery for his 15 hours now so I find it hard being by myself I literally have no clue what to do and he’s only there from 12.15 till 3.

I love being able to collect the children from school and have them to myself during the holidays. My parents worked so much I wanted different for my kids.

I’m a SAHM. Wouldn’t recommend it. I had children young now my life is ruined as I have no prospects. Family life is great no issues but personally I am unfulfilled.

With hindsight I should have got started on a career path first. I did work but only minimum wage jobs.

That said it does make life easier for us that I don’t work. We don’t have anyone around to help with childcare ever so we don’t have to worry about that. And life is pretty low stress I always have time to do everything that needs doing so we have a comfortable life in that sense. No rushing around which is nice.

I don't look down on it, but I would never want that life for myself.

On maternity leave I was depressed, lonely and unfulfilled (not because of my child, but because of her relentlessness of it).

Part time would have been perfect for me however I couldn't do that in my job.

I am about to return to work part time after 8 years as a SAHM. My youngest is now in reception. It has worked very well for my family and I have no regrets. I never particularly "missed" work, but I am ready to go back.

I never felt especially judged (and I certainly never judged anyone who made a different choice to me). Having said that, whilst not judging exactly, I do think it is generally unwise to quit work to become a SAHM if you are unmarried.

@Nevermindgeorge It shouldn’t be looked down upon for men or women.

I also think it is too optimistic to just look at what is good for the cold. It often leaves women in vulnerable. Perhaps you have savings if anything goes wrong with your partner but the majority of SAHP do not. That is why like the previous partner I’d be disappointed if my DC’s chose to be SAHP. And I honestly don’t think it will be practical by the time they have kids as with the way cost of living is rising I think SAHP will become increasingly rare as it already is becoming.

I don't know why WOHMs are answering when OP specifically asked for experiences from SAHMs. And some of the sneery responses will put some off answering.

I was a SAHM, sometimes it was wonderful, sometimes ok and sometimes a drag - just like a job. I just didn't want to put my baby/toddler into day care and wasn't bothered what other people thought. And I'd respect other women to make their own choices too.

I’m a SAHM to a 6yo but had intended to return to work when he started school. Covid has meant my plans were suddenly put on hold due to home-schooling plus jobs in our area have dried up massively.

I have liked being at home but the last two years I have had enough. I need brain stimulation! I have had some negativity from a couple of friends but that’s it. I don’t care what other people think - it’s my life, and not everyone is a career person either. DH is very career-orientated and easily does 60-80 hour weeks so I feel it would be unfair on our DC to have both parents working long hours if it can be avoided and all are happy with this (obviously others won’t agree but everyone to their own).

Do what makes you happy, and ignore the negativity from others.