SAHM’S are you happy? What is your life like?

I love it and couldn't imagine doing this any other way. I don't really care that others might look down on it as I'm 100% sure it's the best start for my babies. In the future when they're grown I sure I'll look back at this as being the most precious time.

There can of course be times when it gets a bit samey but I keep myself connected to other local mums as well as getting out and about in the beach and woods, cycling with baby on bike. There's so much you can do. Forest school, crafts, teaching the little ones.

I will go back to work when my second child goes to pre school. Out of desire to buy a home as we rent now. But both me and husband are on the same page regarding the early years plans for our children.

I actually think it would be more detrimental to women to make being a sahm more difficult. There's so many studies proving that the first 2 years with mum or dad are best for a child so I think there should be more support to ensure families are able to do this if they want to.

Mine are adults now but I really enjoyed being at home with them until secondary school best times of my life , it did help that money was no problem and I got a lot of help with domestic stuff from then DH

Re found the quote. I actually find bringing up children quite challenging. I'm not perfect at it and I've learned an awful lot. It's certainly not unchallenged!
Also you can intelligent conversations with lots of people in life. Not just people who have jobs.
I would be very sad to think people thought I wasn't intelligent because I chose to look after my children.

I’m a SAHM for the time being to my 2.5 year old and 9 month old, I also have 3 primary school aged DC. I was a teacher for a few years and will return to that eventually but for now I’m at home because DH and I decided it was best for the DC.

Pre-covid it was honestly great. I only had my toddler and we went to at least 3 different groups a week. They were all drop in sessions so I never felt obliged to attend which was great and DS absolutely loved going. Now 2 of those groups are no longer running and the other one is pre-booked but I’m stuck on a waiting list because they were full up until at least June... Same for the other groups in our area tbh, I’ve checked lots out and added us to waiting lists because they’re all full.

So right now my life is actually pretty miserable. It tends to be a cycle of cleaning, cooking, breastfeeding, changing nappies, school run, helping DC with their homework/spellings/listening to them read/organising them in general etc. Nothing to feel particularly enthusiastic about, every day feels like constant drudgery and I’m depressed quite frankly. We were new to the area almost 3 years ago and I still don’t know anyone here. I shared the odd bit of small talk with people at the groups but never anything further and no one at the school talks to me, I think most likely because they all made their friends way before we turned up and it’s a small place so everyone knows everyone. I can’t go to groups until places free up so my only adult contact is my DH. I’m very lonely.

I’d only be happy for my daughter to become a SAHM if she had enough money of her own (earned by her) to comfortably tide her over for the few months that it was a necessity to give up any other work. And I’d advise her during those months, to throw money at home help, lest she inadvertently get dragged into taking on the lions share of domestic chores. The absolute worst situation is to just trundle into a relationship, wind up pregnant, and end up being the SAHM parent by default because of being the lower earner. Those women rarely bounce back from the impact of those lost years of domestic drudgery ime.

I've been a stay at home mum for 8 years now. I've really enjoyed my time at home. Youngest starts school this year. I feel a change in the air. I'm looking forward to what's to come. I don't what's coming but bring it on!

It's sometimes boring it's sometimes lots of fun. Like most parts of life.

And to the poster who said about not having any intellectual conversations... You obviously don't know any interesting or intelligent people! Being a SAHM doesn't mean you have to be stupid. Or become stupid.

[quote Nevermindgeorge]@GameSetMatch See, that would be the ideal for me too. I will likely have to return to work when she starts school, but really hope I can do it round her school hours (I’m a teacher)
In all complete honesty, if we were very wealthy, there’s no way I’d want to return to work and would want to be there for every drop off, pick up etc, but I feel some sort of shame saying that![/quote]
You should never feel shame looking after your own kids, what better chance could you give your child other than your time, at this age.
We aren't wealthy, in fact we are poor, but we made our decision that family life was more important than work, and live within our small means.
Saying that though neither of us have worked for employers, I'd hate that.
We are all different though, and you choose what fits with you and your family.

Never

Agree and this would be on my mind too. Also the fact I did it when she was young means I could look like a massive hypocrite . Even now we chat regularly about what I did before she was born, how much I loved my job and why. We were having a sort out of old photos this week and found one of me from about 15 years ago at a work awards dinner ... it felt good to show her some "evidence" of my last life if that makes sense? --God I looked so young. Like I got lots of sleep!

But yes if she was to make similar choices to me I'd really want to be sure she'd thought it through, considered safety nets and protecting herself and have a plan for the future.

I'm a SAHM to school age children. It's a family choice and suits us very well.
I enjoyed working and I enjoy home stuff, I hated doing both.
The only time I've ever felt judged is on Mumsnet which is fine, it's not a true representation and I can take the predictable comments with a pinch of salt.
I think it's something that needs to be planned and frequently reviewed though. It's not a position where you just drift along hoping it will be ok.
If my children want to be SAHP then that's up to them and their future partners.

Everyone said it would be different with your own, but I haven't found that to be the case.

I'm a SAHM and I both love and hate it atm.
Absolutely adored it pre-covid as we were at groups every day and had a great routine.
Post covid it's been really hard but I do still enjoy it for the most part. I've started to make a plan to get back to work when my eldest starts primary school as I feel I need a career for my own self worth.
My children are now in nursery twice a week and that's been amazing for everyone.

My kids are honestly very happy and thriving, it's just me that's craving something more.

When the kids were younger being at home was great .
I’m currently on furlough and my kids are 16 and 13 now and I would
give anything to be back at work SAHM is not for me now

Is it looked down upon? I never noticed that when I was a stay at home mum for a couple of years. It feels like you are collecting opinions for a short free newspaper story

I've seen quite a lot of women struggle to get back into work as quickly as they had anticipated, or who have ended up going back on jobs at a much lower level than they are capable of. I would be worried about that.

I'd also be worried about her creating a dynamic in her relationship where she was the default parent/cleaner/cook etc, even after going back to work. Again, I have seen this happen frequently. I think it can be quite hard to get a partner to step up and take on an equal share of the domestic labour if they have become accustomed to seeing that as someone else's primary responsibility.

Dot ...I totally get you about it being tedious, certainly at times. I used to love being out and about with DD when she was little, exploring, going for days away, wood walks and being with her and watching her reactions to the world. In fact when I see other parents doing this with their toddlers now it makes me feel quite emotional because as a previous poster has said, that time is so short. Plus, is it awful of me to say I miss the days when I was her absolute favourite person in the world?!!

However, the words guaranteed to strike fear into my heart were "Mummy will you play dolls with me?". Good lord it was so boring. 5 minutes minutes of playing dolls or schools feels like a day

I never wanted to be a SAHM, but was persuaded that it would be best for the children by my STBXH and my MIL. So, I gave up a very well paid career, and followed my husband to the other side of the world so that he could further his career. Every time I tried to return to work, I was told that I was lucky that we could afford for me to be a SAHM, and made to feel like I was an awful mother for even contemplating it. It was more usual to be a SAHM in the country that we had moved to, so I kept quiet about it, even though I was bored to tears and was diagnosed with depression. I opened my own business from home, once the kids started school, but he was not at all supportive, and I was eventually made to feel so bad about doing something that wasn't 'family', that I closed my business. When we moved back to the UK I was 'told' that I should stay at home for at least a year 'to settle everyone in', and then that he would 'think about' me going to work.

I left him in the end, for lots of reasons including the fact that he had treated me that way, but also because I found out he had had an affair with a work colleague whilst we were living overseas (whilst I was at home with the kids...).

Luckily I was able to live on savings for a short while so that I could retrain (my old career was long gone by then). I now have the kids 90% of the time and am working in a job that I love but which is not far over minimum wage. We separated about 2.5 years ago, and he paid his first child maintenance payment at the beginning of this month (when I had previously complained about his non-payment, his mother told me I 'couldn't have my cake and eat it' - i.e. I couldn't expect to have left him and still have him support the kids). I am much, much happier now, but I do wish I had stood firm and kept my old career going, even if it had been part time. I'd have been in a much better financial position moving forward, and I'd have had the courage and the means to have left him before I did.

I'm not saying that it always ends up like this, but maybe my story should be a cautionary tale?

I lasted 12 weeks before my brain started to atrofy.

I just didn't do 4 hard years of training, clinical practice, placement, study. assessment, exams and being shouted at just to mop-up baby poo and throw the vacuum round.

I hired a nanny, picked-up my security pass and got back into my uniform/scrubs.

But hey, each to their own. Personally it wasn't enough for me. I needed more.

I think a lot of it depends on what you have done before children and how confident you are.

When I gave up work to be sahm I'd already been working for more than 20yrs. I wasn't bored or lonely, I didn't find it hard and I'm confident enough that other people's views don't affect my decisions.

I did not expect to feel that way when I had kids, and expected I would be a SAHM or very part time worker.

It's horses for courses - everyone's circumstances are different and there's no one size fits all. Do what's right for your family. I'm not sure where you live OP, but like you I was not living in the UK when my DCs were born. They were brought up in a French (then German with French school) environment and I actually think in those circumstances it was vital to be at home to get them speaking good English as well as the other languages they were picking up in nursery and at school. The last thing they needed was more childcare in the language of the countries we were living in. I didn't get back to working again until my youngest was at secondary school - I'm now doing something quite different though not entirely unrelated to my previous career and it it fits in really well around everything else. I loved every minute of the time spent with my DCs and I wouldn't swap a single moment. It is a cliché, but kids grow up incredibly fast and you can never wind back the clock to have those days again. Like you had had many years work under my belt when I had my DCs and was able to draw on that experience and those contacts when I eventually decided to go back. It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks as long as you are happy with your choice.

Those saying they'd be gutted if their daughter decided to be a SAHM, can I clarify ...do you mean as a Career Choice or as a short term solution? I see where you're coming from in the first case.

DD is 12 now and whilst I'm now back in work (2 x days a week, in education so crap pay but benefits like having the school hols off make it bearable for now. Its incredibly boring with a boss who's difficult to work with when she's stressed. Which is often. But yes it's ok for now) I've spent many years since she was born doing a mix of SAHM, casual paid work locally or voluntary work, all of which had given me a nice balance, adult company and brain stimulation and helped filled Cv gaps giving me things to talk about in interviews and references. if nothing else I'd heartily reccomend any SAHM looks do do an hour or so a week of something voluntary if circumstances permit. You will gain so much back.

I think if being a SAHM its a choice which suits your family it's no one else's business. There is another discussion about how feminist it is as a choice but we need to be realistic about where we society still is - sometimes it's the best choice to suit a family and at times, theses choices take short term priority over our beliefs as feminists. But yes, another discussion . I do agree the choice to be a SAHM definitely can be detrimental to women in the long term.

For me, my job before DD was one I adored and was very, very good at and it paid well. However it demanded long hours and working away every week with hours spent sat in airports. It was a bit dog eat dog too so if you sat still too long, your skills and experience quickly became out of date. So all in, not compatible with starting a family. Maybe I'll go back to it one day!

The important thing for me is what ever I did work wise or not when DD was little, I did it in a away that tried to future proof things if that makes sense?

I've been a SAHM for nearly 6 years. It was a choice, and the first 4 or so years of that were not in the UK, it was the norm as a trailing spouse. I'm back in the UK now though, and would LOVE to go back to work, but having been off the UK working market for so long (8 years in total), I'm not really sure what I'm good for. Also, ds is primary school age, and I do not want him in before and after school care, the thought of it makes me a bit upset tbh. So not only am I more or less unemployable, I also only want to work school hours. Not realistic, I know. I guess I'll be a SAHM for a bit longer.

I have a three and one year old who I’m at home with. I do it because I believe it’s best for them, and even though it’s a hard slog (soul destroying at times) I really want the experience of raising them myself until the youngest is at least two. I’m just not willing to give that up. I’ve overcome all sorts of challenges in my life and I believe I can afford three or more years out of what will probably be at least 40 years in the workforce. I had quite a swanky sounding job before and I’ll figure something out.