SAHM’S are you happy? What is your life like?

about whether you would give up work if you could afford to, and the answers are heavily on the yes side with no judgement at all.

But there is a massive difference between not having to work, being a lady of leisure, being able to spend your time shopping, lunching, at David Lloyd and having to care for 2 pre-schoolers. One of those things I could definitely make peace with, and it doesn't include other peoples snot!

It’s odd. People do seem to judge sahm’s but then there are often threads on here about whether you would give up work if you could afford to, and the answers are heavily on the yes side with no judgement at all.

I don’t need to work, so even though the kids are getting older i chose not to. Dh is very happy with that as it means he doesn’t have to worry about kids illnesses/ appointments/ clubs etc.

I think it’s becoming increasingly uncommon for financial reasons, most couples need two incomes to afford a mortgage/high rents.

I don’t understand why anyone else cares about my choices, I certainly don’t care about theirs.

Too many More often than nots

You don't actually have to justify your self to anyone. But threads like these makes everyone get their backs up and feel they to justify why they chose the life they did

Honestly, as long as the children are happy and well looked after and you have a steady relationship and feel happy within yourself. It doesn't matter what everyone else thinks.

Own it and be true to yourself and everything will fall into place.

To some of the PPs on this thread, how can you be a SAHP to children of school age? Or any in childcare? Surely at that point, you're an unemployed parent?

There's definitely judgement here in the UK, compared to many other countries who value SAHMs. It's sad really.

Totally @JungleIsMassive. But more often that not as a SAHM, social interactions are more often than not with other mums. So if it’s not your own child throwing toast on the floor and climbing on the table while you chat, it’ll be somebody else’s.

I’ve found being a SAHM quite difficult but my baby was born during the pandemic so things might have been different if we’d been allowed to do normal things like leaving the house!

I’d quit my job as it was very high pressure and I would have been on call 24/7. I’ve recently got myself a little part time, completely flexible job where she does nursery two mornings a week. I feel much better being able to get out and speak to other adults!

Everything mothers do is looked down upon - WOH, WFH, SAH, plenty of people are going to think you're doing it wrong. I've done all three and gotten some weird and nasty comments with all of them.

My spouse was the at-home parent for several years when our children were younger, mostly SAH, but he did some WFH projects sometimes particularly as time went on. We switched when our youngest was about 2 - not so much free choice, but with health and other things it made the most sense. It's been several years now, and like my spouse I started to take on projects a few years into it.

I've no regrets, I feel pretty equally happy in all those positions though at times I feel -- not a loss, but a pang of time having passed and not really being where I'd like to be in terms of health and work I'd like to have done (though I got pangs about the latter even when I was WOH). For me, it's always been the people in my days that make them happy or not rather than what specifically I'm doing.

Who do you have to justify yourself to? Who looks down on you?

I know lots of mums who work and lots of SAHMs. I don't think anyone of them has ever said they felt looked down on.

It most certainly is looked down on in the UK! I've done both (sometimes I worked full time, currently a SAHM again) and have received a lot of judgments from all sorts of people for not working. I've heard it all, including comments such as "but what do you actually do all day?", "maybe one day you can actually support your husband", "you just need a real job", and even "women who stay at home are pointless"

I think it's wonderful. I took full maternity and then left my career after my second. I still dabbled in my previous career, taking small jobs on despite my husband claiming i didn't need to work, he had us covered but I love what i do.

Well, 2 years later he ran off with someone else and I would have been STUFFED had i not set up my small biz, which I've now grown since kids were at school. I was totally blindsided. The "I had us covered" turned into a "I know loads of single mums that earn ££££ so get on with it" very rapidly.

I think being a SAHM is brilliant but things change and it is always the woman that is affected if things don't pan out in the relationship and they have been fully out of work for years.

The best thing about being a SAHM is by 3.30 all housework is done and I can then pay more attention to my children. Same with weekends. There is nothing to do or sort out so we can just have fun as a family.

I went back to work full time when DT’s were six months (normal maternity leave then). My career wouldn’t have lasted with any further time off. I would have made a rubbish SAHM and didn’t know any other SAHM’s. DT’s thrived at nursery and school so happy we made the right choices for our family.

It wasn't my intention but I ended up a sahm after having postpartum psychosis when dc1 was born. I'm now six years into being a sahm (another baby/still shit mental health). I must admit I don't recognise a lot of the descriptions in this thread...I don't really do "chores", I enjoy cooking and make everyone help with the tidying/cleaning. We're out most of the day doing various things. For example when dc2 was a baby I volunteered in a charity shop with her in a sling for over a year. I sit on multiple committees including chairing one and I'm due to graduate with another degree this summer. I've also learnt to knit, improved my Russian to the point that reading my Grandfather's books seems possible and got back into running.

As for potential it depends who you ask. I have a tendency to think I'm worthless and incapable of holding down a decent job (that therapy has failed to shift). I wouldn't say I'm happy but honestly although I enjoyed my job (working with homeless families) I wasn't happy then either. When my 2 year old starts preschool, I will be looking for a job but I accept it won't be the sort that requires my level of qualifications or experience.

Are you in Europe somewhere? Northern Europe hails the mother as an angel when she is a SAHM full time until early teens. Many countries heavily fund such roles too tbh (free nursery, tax reductions and payback if married with kids).

All these comments just show that we’re all different with different priorities and we have to do what we want to do and what we feel is best for us.

I lasted 12 weeks before my brain started to atrofy

Fortunately, my brain didn't atrophy.

Adding to my post, for a decent amount of the day I'm quite happy without conversation apart from my 3 yr old. I understand that more sociable people probably need more outlets and groups. Definitly easier when you have close connections with other mums. I'm blessed to have 6 sisters and 3 sister in laws all who have young children and babies so I'm well aware my "village" is big

I am really happy being a SAHM. I do the school run, then walk the dog for an hour. When I come home I usually do jobs round the house, prepare meals, go shopping etc. 3 days a week I do weight training. I have lunch, then do a bit of reading or more jobs or watch TV (stuff that dh doesn't like) then go get the kids at 3. Then I'm with them till they go to bed, taking them to clubs, homework, sorting tea etc. We have a caravan so on weekends we go straight after school on Fridays. DH has a non 9-5 job and can be working at weird times and weekends but it is flexible that he can do this.
It's been a godsend this last year that I had the time for the homeschooling but that's a very unusual situation I hope!! Before my youngest was in school the house wasn't as clean and we did playgroups and swimming during the day. It's not for everyone, and I might decide it would be best to get a job one day but right now it suits us all. I absolutely don't miss work it was boring as fuck

It’s not that you’re not intelligent because you choose to be a SAHM. But it’s really really hard to enjoy an uninterrupted conversation when surrounded by small children.