SAHM’S are you happy? What is your life like?

[quote Checkingout811]@paralysedbyinertia I didn’t suggest anything about your mother. I said the parents I have spoken to....[/quote]
Yeah, but your implications were pretty clear...

@paralysedbyinertia I didn’t suggest anything about your mother. I said the parents I have spoken to....

Sadly, being an amazing mum just wasn't enough for her. That certainly isn't a judgment on anyone else who is happy being a SAHP, but she needed more. She needed to use her talents in a way that wasn't possible at home, and she needed a purpose that was bigger than her own family in order to feel fulfilled.

People are different. They have different values, aspirations and expectations. It's actually pretty insulting to suggest that my mum's unhappiness as a SAHP was simply down to the fact that she didn't try hard enough.

I'm a SAHM to a 2.5Y and a 9m. It's often hard (particularly with COVID) but, yes, I'm very happy.

I believe it's by far the best thing for my children. We have lots of time outside exploring nature, we read lots, we grow food, we cook most things from scratch together, we sing and make music lots, we visit relations and do things to help other people, and have time to see friends.

I'd be so sad to miss out on these years, but most of all I think I'm the best person to raise my children and be their primary carer.

@TownTalkJewels why would it negatively impact a daughters future?

To answer one of your original questions OP, about why SAHMs are often looked down upon- I think it’s because a lot of women perceive that there’s still a patriarchy around them, that equality between the sexes is a long way off, that they’re underestimated at work, etc, and they’d like to see that change. That’s unlikely to ever happen when a large group of women choose to opt out of working.

It is lovely to be at home with a baby/ child, but if that baby is a girl, it may not have such a lovely impact on her future.

I absolutely loved my SAHM years. I went back to work, part time, when my youngest started high school.

They were the happiest years of my life and I'd do it all over again if I could.

Think this depends a lot on if you have a career you can easily slot back into when/if you decide to go back to work. As others said it does undoubtedly leave women (and its mostly women) vulnerable both financially and emotionally.... the years whizz by if you don't have a plan for when they don't need you as much you can find yourself left behind. Several of my friends are now in this position. I work part time which is a good compromise for now.

From experience, the parents I’ve spoken to who felt they “needed more” than being a SAHP were the ones who did the bare minimum with their children during the day. No wonder it’s tedious for some.

You get out what you put in.

Really pleased to hear of all the people who look down on me as a SAHM.

The current fashion is not to be a SAHM but I'm sure in years, maybe 100s of years that'll change.

I am a SAHM, my dc are 9,11 and 13. I returned to work briefly when youngest started school as I felt judged for staying at home when my dc were in school. I did enjoy work for a short term but in reality it didn't work out for us. Childcare was too expensive, my DH did not have a 9 to 5, Monday to Friday job, he was self employed so late nights and weekends and we had no family support when dc were ill. I felt very guilty rushing them out the door every morning to attend breakfast club and then collecting them from afterschool to return home to the breakfast dishes still in the sink from that morning. Everything was hectic. My DH supported me in whatever I wanted to do so I decided to leave work and be a SAHM. I have a lovely life. I walk my dc to school and we chat, I meet my friend for a walk, have a nice brunch, clean the house and prepare dinner for all of us. Everything is calm and relaxed. It works for us and I made the right decision.

I am very happy as a SAHP. Sometimes I do miss my old colleagues but I don't find myself worried about my brain being used. In fact, the comment that my brain must be mush really annoys me now. Watching a child grow and working out how you can help them develop and feed those interests takes the same brain power that I used to use in the classroom. Except now it's my own child and I get to hear him talking about his day to himself as he goes to sleep . I'm not sorry that I didn't have that with 30+ teenagers, mind!

I think whatever devision you make there is guilt/cons and things you wish you had known or could have changed.

I am absolutely loving it and don't miss the added stress and petty politics that work brought! I got off to a difficult and unplanned start as a sahm and sort of fell into it when plans changed. I had worked full time before for years so it really was a culture shock to leave after maternity ended. With dc1 i found it difficult the first couple of years and really questioned if i had done the right thing.
However i think it was more the major lifestyle change and having a baby to blame and i wasn't too well- now looking back i see that. As he grew older and i had dc2 i felt really happy and realised i had done the right thing. I feel grateful to be there for this precious time whilst they're little and fortunate to have the choice. I plan to go back to work though once dc2 in school at least parttime.

I generally preferred the mum and baby groups that were more like chatting with the babies playing together than gazing into my babies eyes singing 'say hello to the sun' and find I bond with mums with a similar outlook and all of my best 'mum friend' work.

That made me laugh, same here @Llamasinpajamas!
I appreciate the explanation. Similar comments to yours always pop up on threads like this, as though workers and non workers are two separate species. I feel I'm the same person whether I work or not. I like the same music, read the same books etc.
All of the close friends I've made through my children work. I'm quite friendly with a SAHD and a Gran who does school runs but my youngest children are late juniors and most parents are back to work by this age.

I'm a SAHM currently, have 5 children, 2 have additional needs. I worked full time in a really crappy job, not a career at all, for years. I didn't go back after my maternity leave with my 4th child and been at home since. DH has a good job so it was financially viable for us and with the SEN children they really needed me at home. Now they are getting older, 3 in school, one in nursery and the baby still at home full time I've just started a 4 year degree so that by the time they are all in school I'll have better job/career prospects. I love being at home with them, even though it sometimes feels like I'm going absolutely crazy and not doing a good job here. When I go back to work I want a career, I spent so many years in minimum wage, mind-numbing, work all hours jobs and I don't want to go back to that. If I'd have had a career before having kids I think I would have found it hard to give that up. I'm looking forward to starting a job I will enjoy and get to be an adult properly again.

Surely at that point, you're an unemployed parent?

Economically inactive. Look at the unemployment statistics; it’s pretty obvious that everyone who doesn’t have a job is not counted within them.

I’ve been a SAHM for 5 years and am currently job-hunting as I’ve had enough. I have, however, enjoyed my time with DC and wouldn’t change it for the world.

I haven’t had much judgement to my face, although the worst was at my DC’s 4th birthday party when an old friend came up to me 3 times over the course of the party saying “Ugh, I can’t BELIEVE you’re still at home with DC. As much as I love my DS I couldn’t stand being with him all the time. Ugh God, I just don’t know how you do it.” And all with a look of distaste on her face,

My two other friends sat there in silence while she said this on 3 occasions, and as they had all travelled to the party together I guessed they had been discussing my circumstances. Why can’t women either support each other’s decisions or mind their own business?!

I was widowed when the DC were babies, so staying at home was never an option- I had to earn a living. Fortunately, I had gone back to work after six months maternity leave, so just built up to full time and hired a nanny.
I hated being at home anyway - if I’d been stuck there as a SAHM, isolated and grieving, I would have gone crazy.
Much better for the DC to have a cheery professional nanny than a bereaved and devastated mum who’d lost her soulmate.

I assume that it's because op and her working friends have personalities and identities whereas those of us who are SAHMs just call each other Mummy and only talk about whether Dolores has had a poo and what grade Titus got on his test last week. I don't even know how I'm managing to have am option on here I'm so mindless

Very interested in this as I'm in a very 'career' type job and expecting my first in July - had always wanted to be a SAHM but do feel worried about the financial vulnerability it puts me in. I earn the same as DH and we're both extremely high earners, but also realise that means it's unrealistic I could go back in at the same level in even a few years' time. But on the other hand, I don't want to miss their preschool years, as I'm sure it will fly by. Maybe I should just have them so close together I'm basically on maternity leave for several years in a row...

Also, we're thinking of homeschooling, so there may never be a "when they are all at school" for us!

I'm very happy with my decision to be a SAHM. Day to day it can be really tough at the moment because I've got a 3yo and 1yo and am pregnant with #3. I am deeply looking forward to there being no one under one in this house! But I have no plans to return to work.

I am also intelligent and independent which is actually why I enjoy being a SAHM so much. I can pursue my own interests and not sign my time and energy over to a company. I read widely and deeply and before being bedridden with pregnancy was dabbling with novel writing. I have also plunged deep into regenerative agriculture and environmental issues. I have a far more intellectually fulfilling life than if I had to spend eight hours a day designing widgets for pay and waste a my thoughtpower on someone else's projects.

I am looking forward to a life when the only bottom I have to wipe is my own, and when certain projects I am interested in will be more feasible (dangerous chemicals + toddlers, anyone?), but I have a far more fulfilling inner life now than when I was working.

Not sure i count as SAHM as I do work evenings self employed. However I am at home all day with the kids and don't use childcare, so I fit some definitions. Mine are 1 and 4. The older one goes to preschool 3 mornings a week (we could have funding for 5 mornings but 3 is enough).

I went back to work for 6 months after having DD1 and hated it. Was being a crap employee and a crap mother. Luckily my husband had a promotion around the same time so I was able to afford to leave my job and go self employed. I love it. The balance is great for us and I wouldn't change it.