SAHM’S are you happy? What is your life like?

I just wish we were valued more and more provision was given for mother’s that do wish to stay at home.

In the nicest possible way, the value that you create is for the benefit of your own family. You should therefore be valued by your immediate family, but I'm not really sure why you would expect others to care either way?

I'm currently at home as I haven't gone back to work after covid yet. Weighing up my options to go back and I don't think it is financially worth it, after childcare and a travelcard, I'd be bringing home about £60 a month (of course childcare would be a shared cost but still). DP is happy for me to quit work all together and support us all including my DS who isn't his.

I do enjoy being at home with DD but I'm a bit bored though, she's only 18 months so in to everything and doesn't say much but I honestly cannot bare the thought of mummy and baby groups, it's nice now the weather is better so we can go for little walks etc.
I do miss parts of my job though, the people and the social aspect, but not enough to say I most definitely want to go back.
My son says its nice to have me at home to pick him up from school etc as I worked FT from when he was 8 months old to when he was 5 and half so that's nice to know.

@Nevermindgeorge - what provision would you want for those who decide to stay at home?

I just wish we were valued more

You have to not care about what others think. My partner and children value me, and I value myself. If others don’t, who cares. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve had a lockdown baby, our first. I love my work abs my partner abs I both have a lot of flexibility with our time. 15m ds goes to nursery twice a week for 5 hours to get social interaction and give us a break- toddler groups and library still not open so it’s quite limited for him otherwise! We tag team childcare. I love my work- work 3 days a week on my own business and spend the rest with him. I would definitely not want to work full time or have him away from us for ten hours a day and such. I feel bad for parents who are forced into that for financial reasons. We also struggled a lot to have him so it means the world to be there with him but I probably wouldn’t want to not work at all....

I was a SAHM for about 8 months and hated it. I need interaction with adults so after 6 months I got a job and my dd went to a sitter, then eventually to day care. She LOVED it, she preferred being around other children as she's very social and loves to stay busy. I think my perfect scenario would to be to work part -time and SAHM part - time if I had to do it again.

I was a SAHM for 15 ish years and now only work part time from home.
We didn’t want our children to have a nanny or go to nursery or a childminder. When they were babies/toddlers I took them to playgroups and activities a few times a week, met friends or just spent time at home. They were probably some of my happiest times. When the kids got older and went to school, I obviously had lots of spare time which made life very easy for us both. We made the decision to make our life as stress free as possible and for me, work always brought lots of stress into my life.

I had a few comments from other parents and the in laws, especially when our youngest went to school, hinting that I ‘should’ get back to work now. I’m not sure why our choices bothered them so much. I’m very good at ignoring other people’s judgements so their comments never bothered me. Some people even tried to pry into our finances and asked how we could afford for me not to work. 😬 I did find that a bit annoying.

I’ve been doing some part time work, mostly at home for a few years now but only because it’s something I enjoy and I can still be around for our children and our dogs. I still get judged. 🤷🏻‍♀️ And I still don’t care.

Some of us have chosen to work and were lucky enough to have a choice of progressing with their career and raising their children. Using childcare isn’t passing the raising to someone else.

If some want to be SAHP that’s good for them but don’t criticise those of us who work and raise a family. DT’s are now 21 so I can celebrate that our choices worked for our family. Happy parents and children.

I think parenting is totally NOT an example of something where ‘you get out what you put in’.
Teenagers in particular are walking evidence of this
You spend years blending organic cauliflower and choosing ethical party bags . You agonise over the SAHM debate. You obsess over schools and read ofsted reports at 3am. And still, STILL!!!!..... they wake up as Kevin the teenager on their 13th birthday. 🤷‍♀️

I doubt any of your issues will change until more women expect a career and a sahd, in reverse to what men want.
I think then we'll find equality.
But many women don't want that preferring to call such men cock lodgers.

I’ve enjoyed it most of the time. However I’m now desperate to get back to work now but can’t because of childcare issues and covid. In hindsight I wish I had worked part time, even just one day a week as now they are in school I am bored and not fulfilled at home.

Mothers are the very best primary care givers (in average circumstances of course), nursery is a compromise.

As a society we can't even give them a few years at home before being in full time education and then work?

I've not worked since I met DH, he's always earned well and we moved in together quite quickly. I was unwell when we met so it worked for both of us for me to be at home resting and getting better. At the time he WFH so he could look after me. When I got better we decided I didn't need to work so I did all house chores- cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. Now we have kids he's a farmer and I still don't need to work- we're both very happy.

If I needed to, I would work but right now I don't and I'd rather raise my own kids than have someone else raise them. I worked in childcare settings for a few years and I would never send my kids to them! It wouldn't work for a lot of people, even if they can afford to be a SAHM but it works great for us.

I'm not now but I was for a good while - when the children were young.

I find working part time now is a good balance of mum time, work life and me time.

'I was talking about the gender pay gap as well as discrimination against women at work. Neither of these issues will change if women choose not to take a seat at the table'

I'm sorry but i think if women prefer to spend the early years with their children that is fine. There are plenty of women who choose to take a seat at the table and i don't think it's fair burdening sahm with the guilt and enormity of something like that.

@TownTalkJewels no that makes sense. Thank you for clarifying.

I've loved being around for every school run, event etc and to welcome their friends back for play dates (we live near the primary school). They're 13 and 10 now but I'm still SAH due to now running around for elderly parents. So by default I kind of retired early! I don't know how people manage everything though.

@Checkingout811 I was talking about the gender pay gap as well as discrimination against women at work. Neither of these issues will change if women choose not to take a seat at the table.

That’s just my view- I wouldn’t approach a SAHM and try to impose it on them, as some people have reported on this thread.

@Macncheeseballs best reply 👌🏼

I was never aware that I was looked down upon for being a sahm, I was probably too busy raising kids and having a nice life

I've been a SAHM since my first was born 8 years ago. Before that i was a housewife for the 2 years when i came to the the UK from Germany. I didn't find suitable work and volunteered for charities. I've always been asked whether I wouldn't get a job, 'you have a PhD after all '. But I really didn't want to rush and start rebuilding a career while my little boy was going to be looked after someone else. Every morning, I remember waiting patiently for him to finish his cheerios, picking one at a time, an thinking, who in the world would give him the time and freedom if not me. He has ASD and i'm glad I spent all that time with him while I could. Now he is at school and when back home he wants to do his stuff. I might be an odd one, but I thoroughly enjoyed home schooling him over lockdown.
I obtained a qualification when my 2nd was 2 and it broke my heart to pluck her outvifbthe cot and dumo her in the car many morning, she really liked her beauty sleep. I had another one after and since she was born, people keep asking me when i'll go back to make use of the new qualification .
Not meaning to offend anybody, but i
always thought, if orangutans, man's closest relative in the animal kingdom, spend 7years or so with their mums aren't our children deserving of at least 3 years when they are a lot more independent and confident?

Primary carer.... mums are the best primary carers they are even equipped to feed their babies, and if soemone denies that, they are just choosing to argue for the sake of it.