SAHM’S are you happy? What is your life like?

@beachsidecafe - where do you live. The majority of DT’s classmates parents were also two full time working parents and none lived as you have described.

Message for paralysed

You obviously don't parent that often to imagine that any parent has time to watch TV!!! The chance would be a fine thing. I think you rather gave yourself away there.

I think the culture here is totally anti family, and we will pay the price in years to come. Both parents should be supported to spend time caring for their own children for the first few years, ensuring the babies and toddlers are well cared for. It would not be too much to expect that we could do this as a matter of course, and we could put laws in place to ensure they are not discriminated or in any way damaged by choosing this. Instead the government of every colour wish to encourage separation and childcare over all else, economically it is a no brainer for them. But there is a price to pay. Every action has consequences.

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I've been a SAHM mum for 13 years. No regrets at all.

I don’t earn enough to cover child care. It’s beneficial up until the kids are 3-5 years.

Marriages can break down. If get a 50-50 split of assets it probably won’t be enough to meet all of your needs for the rest of your life. What do you do then? Also, wouldn’t it be more fair for both people in the relationship to work part time rather than one person keep the other (because once the kids are in school it’s all day leisure time).

Ok, so you never overlapped holidays? Doubtful.

We did overlap holidays, usually for a week in the summer and a week at Christmas, and sometimes a couple of days at Easter. That still left a lot of time to split between us.

Where do you live? (If you don't mind answering).

Because most of the mothers I know work but no one uses their time like that.

Nurseries are for children too young for education.

Too young for education, but apparently old enough to be out of the house for 10 hours a day and having a stranger change their nappies and feed them their food. Hug them when they're upset or hurt, pat them to sleep.

It's a valid choice for some, but let's call a spade a spade.

I only work two days. So largely stay at home mum and I love it. The days I am off with them I do all sorts. I meet friends, am able to take them to all their afterschool activities. We have a fun and varied life. The days I work are full on and they have wrap around childcare. It’s exhausting for them. I think there quality of life would be reduced if i did it full time. They would t have as many opportunities. I guess if you are in the kind of job where you work from home and can do the school run on your break it would be easier. I also think that I might not find being at home quite so fun if I didn’t have those two days at work the break things up.

paralysed Where we live it really isn't unusual for both parents to put in very long hours. Additionally they do not spend all of their annual leave on their children but choose girls ski trips and cycling tours. They also refuse to waste their annual leave on time that is not an actual holiday, which I understand as they are exhausted.

Much of this is motivated by greed and wanting more. It is not about need or keeping a roof over their heads, it is about nice cars and lots of holidays. They could choose to live differently, but they don't. Then they will also want to credit themselves with raising children, when the fact is they have barely been involved. Many of the same children are sent away to school. Some honesty around this would be helpful, because the children suffer. Ten hours in any nursery is too long for babies and young children. Most of us know that deep down.

Where are you getting 10-12 weeks a year? That's just not true for most people working full time. Most people will get around 20-30 days holiday a year, some of which will be used up on the child's sickness.

Two parents, legal minimum is 28 days per year (5.3 weeks each). Many will have more than this.

When dd was younger, I had 44 days per year of annual leave/bank holiday. DH had 38. Mine was pretty generous compared to most people. DH's was pretty standard for someone in a professional role.

So many people stagger their start and finish times so that one parent drops the kids off and the other picks up, resulting in shorter days overall. Or they split their shifts so that some of their hours are done when the kids are asleep - I did half of my contracted hours when dd was asleep for around 3 years. I know other families where both parents compress or reduce their hours. Others where grandparents do some of the childcare etc. And of course, lots who use much loved nannies or childcare rather than "institutional" settings.

As for holiday time, lots of parents tag team it between them, so there is actually quite a lot of holiday time with family. Minimum of 28 days a year for FT workers, so 10.6 weeks between a couple. Even allowing for the fact that the family might want some shared time off together, that still leaves a lot of time to play with. When dd was a toddler and at primary school, DH and I had 16.4 weeks off between us, so actually more weeks in a year than a child in a state school.

I think you have a certain idea of what WOHPs, and I'm sure it's an accurate reflection of what some parents do, but in my experience, it is not the norm at all.

Also I don't feel judged. If anyone wants to judge they can be my guest as I couldn't care less to be honest.
It's my life and I do as I wish. I don't judge those who choose to work ft or pt or whatever.

If you think four weeks a year of parenting your child day to day (annual leave) makes any meaningful difference, then that is up to you. I don't agree.

I'm a sahm due to the cost of childcare would be swallowed in what I'd earn as a non qualified person. Altho we have joint finances in everything. I'd be working for a loss until ds can get funding to help.

I do enjoy it. Its been 3. 5 years now since having dd, then ds 2 years later.
I do often get 'bored' of routine but that's me if I have a down few days. I generally like to keep them busy. Even if a trip to the park. We have annual passes for local theme parks, zoo and farm. So we do one of them each week min.
Dd now at pre school more hours, and I find just having ds lovely. As I get to catch up on bits when he naps.

The hardest part is having no me time really. Altho dh does his best to accommodate that it's hard as he does long hours 6 days a week and we like to all be together on the 7th day. Plus we have my teen and his dd from a previous relationship.

I do miss the social aspect of working.. But not the job I had before I hated that but loved the people. I still have contact with some now and we regularly meet up.

The idea of SAHMs being the ultimately denigrated, looked down upon group falls apart a bit when one after the other tells a working mother that putting her child in nursery for a few hours a day amounts to someone else raising them.

It's a frankly bizarre idea. You wouldn't really say that schools were raising children, would you? They're educating them. Nurseries are looking after them. They aren't taking over the role of parent.

Yes not unusual here

Children that have two full time working parents will not see their parents at all in waking hours Monday to Friday realistically. Beyond a bath and bed. So that leaves two days a week to spend with your child.

5 in nursery
2 at home

And you are asking why the bulk of raising children is then done by the parents. You are deluding yourself by talking about 118 hours, as they are asleep for much of it!!! paralysed and even that time is compromised if the parent wants to go to an exercise class/do the housework etc at the weekend. You are talking very very little time actually spent with the child.

You say it is unusual for young children to be in childcare for ten hours, but most people work 8 hours full time, and commuting an hour either way is not unusual here.

I am a SAHM whose mum was a SAHM. I couldn’t put into words how special it was to me that my mum was at home when others weren’t. I almost didn’t reply to this post because it always becomes so heated. But the truth is I absolutely love being a SAHM and couldn’t feel more thankful and privileged. And that’s all. I’m not judging anyone for working so I appreciate not being judged back.

The 50 hours example isn't that extreme from my experience either. My son is one of the only ones that's part time. Most are full time