SAHM’S are you happy? What is your life like?

Sure, and SAHPs make life much harder for working parents because their working spouses stride ahead in the workplace but, as you say, with no empathy or provision for the needs of families of working parents (and it’s also not uncommon for the working parent to be quite bitter, in my experience, and that gets taken out on their colleagues who also need to care for children, rather than where it should be directed).

It’s great that you’ve stopped a couple of kids bolting from school (presumably the opportunity arose when you were dropping off or picking up your own kids?) but I would prefer it if every child could attend a good and secure school and child mental health services were properly funded. Through taxation.

I don’t blame you for making the best choice for you and your kids at all. I’m just saying please don’t pretend it’s harder.

@DecafDodger yes, sorry. I should have said this too. I got notified as I was on the original thread probably saying the same thing about how it's just another iteration of the same bunfight.

ZOMBIE thread. If you really want to have another SAHM bunfight, there are plenty of more current threads running.

Oh here we go again. This always ends up as such a nasty topic with mudslinging on every side! I'm a SAHM. I'm happy so it my family. I don't feel like I'm not using my brain or my children are getting a bad role model and I find that insulting. As insulting too, as working mothers being told they are shit parents and not raising their kids themselves/their kids are unhappy etc.

My dad was a SAHD and it would be nice if there were more of these because it wasn't generally true that women's salaries were lower and thus 'easier to lose' if the unit decides that they want someone to stay at home. Beyond that everyone to their fucking own and can we stop insulting each other?!

I don't look down on families with two working parents @LavenderHaze19 but they do make my partner's job harder as they bolt out the door at 4pm, get all upset over booking leave and let our clients down.

How many unhappy kids have you stopped from running from school? I helped out with two last year, hope it was n't your family.

Thank you for sharing your perspective.

I think it really depends on the job one has. So I wouldn’t say it’s the hardest job in the world.

Me and my husband work full time too. My child is a terrible sleeper, I have had a broken sleep for years now. So it’s been very hard.

I couldn’t wait to go back to work though and ended my maternity early as it was so mentally harder for me than working.
I dread weekends and look forward to working days.

I personally disagree that being SAHP doesn’t create any value to the outside world though.

I don’t look down on SAHPs, although I wouldn’t say I ‘value’ them either. They aren’t benefitting me in any way, they’re doing what they feel is right for their own family. That’s absolutely fine, but they’re not providing any value to anyone outside their own family.

But I wish so much that people would stop saying it’s ‘harder than a full time job’ or ‘the hardest job in the world’. I know it’s been fashionable to say this for a while, and it might be harder than the 9-5 you had before having kids, I have no trouble believing that. But, in most cases, it really isn’t harder than balancing work with family in a two income household in a society that isn’t at all set up for it - that’s why people choose to have a SAHP where it’s possible! And it really does a disservice to the parents who are bolting out of work to make the 4pm pick-up from holiday club.

I was a SAHM for 2 years from my DD was 2.5 until she started school. It was never the plan but I was in a horrible job and felt as if I never do her, so we went through finances and made decided I could quit.

It’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I’m so grateful and happy for the extra time I had with my DD and it benefited my family massively. Now I’m back working full time and we’re forever scrambling to cook, clean and organise. I’d be a SAHM in a heartbeat if I could but all our bills have increased and I need to fill my pension pot so unless I win the lottery I’m working full time for a while.

It makes me very sad that so many people do not value SAHP. I think in most cases it’s so much harder than working full time.

What's wrong with one partner paying for more than another, or working more than another? It's only a problem if the people in the marriage are unhappy with it.

If I bagged a job where I earned loads of money, I'd love for my DH to just quit his job if he wanted to. If we could comfortably afford it, and that's what he really wanted, then why would I begrudge him that? Life isn't a competition to see who can work the most hours or be the most miserable. We have nothing to prove to each other. Money is shared.

I appreciate other marriages work differently, but I would honestly hate to be married to someone who was keeping a detailed score sheet on everything. Sounds like such a miserable way to live.

No, he wouldn't - because I cannot and have never earned even 10% of what he's earned in the past 10 years. Would that worry me? No, not really. Does dh want to drop his/our standard of living? No, he doesn't. He's more than happy to go earn the money he earns, just as he was before he met me. Its his lifestyle he's funding too, not just mine. We have lived off my savings/wages in the past and saved his money. Now its the other way round. My contribution to our lives matters, it's just not financial.

You still seem mad. Sure you're OK?

Are you quite well, Katelyn88? You sound peculiar. Why so angry about nothing?

Who paid for your lifestyle for 10years? Please tell me you paid with your savings!

now that you bagged that job, would your husband take the next 10years off to “look after children” ?

I'm a sahm and have been ever since I had my eldest 4 years ago (I also have a baby). It's incredible and very rewarding. It works for our family and motherhood has pretty much been my only ever dream. My kids are happy and doing so well and I'm so proud of them. The plan is for me to find a part time job when the youngest starts school.

But it's physically and mentally very hard work and sometimes I really struggle. Pros and cons to every set up I suppose. Dh has a demanding nhs frontline career and if I worked too it would be so hard on the kids and the logistics would be an absolute nightmare (he works shifts and we have zero family nearby).

It's right for our family and I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks. Equally I'd never judge working mums, everyone is just doing their best. The 'absolutely devastated' comment in the first post did make me chuckle, how ott! I'm really happy with my life and wouldn't change a thing.

I stayed at home with my children from time my second was born until he turned 5. I found it rewarding when they were very little but had a good group of friends and was kept busy with two under 3.

Once they were in school I retrained and now work 4 days a week. I valued my time at home and am happy I was able to do it. But it eventually for me, it got dull and I needed to get back to something outside of home. My career took a hit but I’m ok with that as I know enjoy a great work/life balance.

You seem a bit wound up, you OK hun? Pm me xoxo

Lol, because school hours term time only jobs are plentiful! 😂😂😂😂😂

For sure. Pretty conspicuous ones at that; then again, they're not exactly renowned for their subtlety.

Sorry. Online forums don't work like that; MN has never worked like that. Anyone can create a thread with any question, but there seems to be a misconception on some recent threads that they then get full control over how people choose to answer that question.

They don't.

Of course fellow-users will likely nix this approach. Otherwise all you end up with is an interviewing process in which women are asked to divulge the personal, family decisions they've made and, more often than not, are expected to justify that choice. They don't need to. And as an aside, if someone wants a one-sided discussion of either SAHP or WOHP on this site it should hardly need stating that they're not going to get it. I've never seen such a contentious load of noise (and toxic, unpleasant set of posts) about one particular topic on MN. It's going to attract discord. It just will.

The upshot is, if you're happy with your choices it's nobody else's business. I don't require 'respect' from other women for my decisions, and whilst I'm not about to attack or disrespect others for their difference choices, I'm not required to respect theirs, either. Do what you like. Most people are really not bothered.

You don't need affirmation from other women for the decisions you've made that ou feel are in the best interests of you and your family. And you certainly don't need the approval of a bunch of online fonts. But if you're going to post on these threads, you're going to find they are all things to all people. It just works that way.

This place is over-run with MRAs

It’s easier for YOU. Does your husband enjoy bearing the financial burden of the family 100%? I bet no. No one does. Yet, he is expected to get on with it.
yet women come on mumsnet asking for what to retrain that pays them shit loads of money from day1 AND the job should be in a field that really interests them! Seriously?
How about starting at the ground floor in a field you a interested in? Hmmm no. Senior position straight! The sense of entitlement!!

oh btw, doing school runs and sitting at home all day is hardly any “sacrifice”.

Exactly!

Fair enough. The same women will come crying here if the husband proposes to stay home with the kids. Why? Because he earns the bigger paycheque. Why is that so?

What stops her from getting a job around school times? Loads of women do!

I stayed home because there’s no way we could have afforded childcare on our wages, Nor do we have family help at all. So there was no choice for us! It’s not the only way a man can progress, I was just saying that when one parent is earning whilst the other does all the childcare it’s family money earnt with effort put in from both parties.