To still be upset about mum bullies?

They sound very, very rude. I would be mortified if I had been involved in making someone as uncomfortable as you have been made to feel. Much more so than if I had presented crisps in the "wrong" way (is this even a thing?).

Years ago this would have really upset me but not now I wouldn't give a toss now. I don't really get on with any of the school mums, my son has ASD and dropping off and picking up can be challenging and probably entertaining for them so I imagine they all gossip about me already but I couldn't care less!

OP, it might have been a bit of an odd thing to do, but no big deal.
The first woman sounds plain nasty. Then it turned into a joint joke, and they were taking the piss for a bit, which doesn't feel great.
But to still be dwelling on it two years later?
Draw a line under it & move on!

@charmatt puts it brilliantly

@Bluntness100

No, I don't think it's very different at all actually. I think it's one rule for men and another for women. It's clear that this was bullying behaviour, not banter. It's only being minimised because the people concerned are female.

The woman who screamed will have terrorised the others into 'being on her side' which means ganging up and making sneery comments about you - idiots.

But I was mulling over something the other night where two 'friends' had been bitchy/ridiculed me. I imagined I was playing a computer game - where you can see the muzzle of the gun, I pointed the gun at the friends one by one and blasted them so they blew to bits and landed in pieces on the ground, as in these games. i couldn't help smiling to myself and you know what - I don't feel upset by them now - you could try it.

Oh dear, I did have a little chuckle at the Hoola Hoops being cling filmed to a plate when they're still in their packets OP

But YANBU about the rest of it at all.

Although if you didn't want to confront the screaming foul-mouthed woman because she's been violent in the past, I'm not sure why you've started this thread?

The likelihood of it being spotted by at least someone at the school is fairly high I think.

Let it go OP.

Can't believe you were called a C U Next Tuesday, that's a disgrace.

Think the banter went a bit far as well.

I was warned about school mums and didn't take much heed, I've met a couple of lovely genuine ones, but also had an encounter with one that would rival pulp fiction. There's a lot of fake, a lot of nasty and a lot of insecurity floating around and I think because you're in a school setting some people regress back to school times.

I've pulled right back from it all now, having previously been heavily involved in and dedicated loads of time to volunteering at school, at PTA etc. Etc. Also left the whatsapp group, and had a cathartic clear out of my FB "friends" list, all very cathartic.

And all this "she should have just joined in the joke". Ok. I'll remember that next time a group of men is being demeaning and mocking towards a woman. I won't challenge them as per recent pleas by women on here. I'll just join in. It's only "banter" after all, right? The woman in question should just be self-deprecating. 🤷‍♀️

The op I think is a lot more sensitive though, and is just too embarrassed by it. And other than the one woman, it really wasn’t a big deal more a minor point of humour for everyone.

To be honest in the OP's situation I wouldn't give a shit what the rest of the WhatsApp group members thought of me for leaving. I'd want nothing further to do with any of them again, ever.

No, she'll be the woman that left the WhatsApp group because she was bullied out of it. And why should she have neutralised the situation by being self deprecating to appease a nasty, aggressive bully? Fuck that!

I don’t think thr poster was suggesting to do it to appease the one woman who was out of order. But to join in thr joke with the others.

And they are not going to see her as the woman who was bullied out the group. They are going to see it as the woman who cling filmed some unopened bags of hula hoops to a party plate and then refused to see the humour in it, and flounced. You can’t lump the rest of the woman in with the one who screamed.

Ultimately, you are thrown together because you have children the same age, and in most cases that's all you have in common.

When I realised this I didn't feel any obligation to spend time with them or feel the need for validation from them.

Enjoy the knowledge that you have a life that extends further than needing to be with people that you have such a tenuous link with. You will hardly see each other again after this year!

*No, she'll be the woman that left the WhatsApp group because she was bullied out of it.

And why should she have neutralised the situation by being self deprecating to appease a nasty, aggressive bully? Fuck that!*

Yep.

She sounds vile but the plate thing was a really daft thing to do too.
I'm not sure wherein lies the bullying

To be honest this is the sort of odd thing I might have done. Yes it was a bit weird to put clingfilm over crisps still in their packet, but I guess we’ve all done silly things.

Many years ago I sent DS into school with a glass bottomed lunch box, 😱 the lunch supervisor said that was really silly of Mummy and took the container off him until home time. My DS was mortified, the other children teased him about having a silly Mummy, he came out of school sobbing. I was mortified (had anxiety and depression at the time), various other Mums mentioned it to me many times laughing and made me feel awful about my stupid decision, and I still blush about it 20 years later.

I get it, the crisps in clingfilm was over the top, and your DDs comment to another child was unkind. The other Mums joking and teasing about it was understandable. Obviously the joke is now wearing a bit thin, and sometimes there is a thin dividing line between teasing, humour, and bullying.
School mums’ social skills are often unkind and excluding, and fraught with angst. Try to rise above it, maybe make your own joke about it - something like ‘next time I’ll put a doily on the paper plate to help raise the party standards even further’. Unfortunately the more you say or do to let them know you feel bullied, the worse their behaviour will get.
Fortunately primary school politics ends eventually.

You put some crisps on a plate, imo not that weird, can't see why anyone would make a thing of it. But the other woman calling you a snobby c*not in the playground, well that's something to be upset about.
It speaks volumes about these school mums, stay away from them and try and forget it.

*Self-deprecation

Out of interest would you say the same if a man had called her a snobby cunt? Should she have used self depreciation in that situation too?

I mean I’m guessing the idea was the teachers would open the packs and put onto the plate so the crisps don’t go stale being on a plate all day? If so that just makes sense, and I have no idea what is even funny about it. I guess they found it funny crisps being on a plate, but I’ve seen that loads in parties!

Anyway OP they sound like they don’t think it’s mean. Do they know about the lady calling you a cunt? That probably would have put it into perspective at the time for them. I’m guessing they might have actually thought you didn’t mind and that it was just banter. But from your point of view there is no where near the right kind of relationship to be doing that. Either way it will all die down eventually and you will never have to hear about plate-gate again. Just ignore them, they sound very bored (and boring).

And why should she have neutralised the situation by being self deprecating to appease a nasty, aggressive bully? Fuck that!

Don't dread the party. You're stronger than that. There must be something wrong with them to carry on a joke about something so nothingy. You put the crisps on a party plate so they'd look nice for the party. It was a nice thing to do.

Don't let these bitches get you down. They have bigger problems than you. They must have anger issues or be jealous or something. What sort of people are they to do this to someone? It's not even funny.

Don't give these women a second thought. It's so liberating once you stop caring what people think about you. Be free!