Absent father

The men, not end! Although they get their ends away!

“Tricking” men into pregnancy? Is that really still a “thing”? Men can’t really be tricked because if they have sex it’s always a risk. They should maybe think more carefully before dropping their trousers. Again, the “shame” is only ever on the women and not the end.

But anyway the OP is talking about dads in long term relationships or marriages who then just vanish. It happens all the time.

As a man and a father myself, I cant understand how they can just walk away!

I was at the birth of my DD and the instant love and feelings I had towards her brought me to tears, I could never not be in her life!

My wife is taking her back to her home country for 1 month and I'm dreading it, not being able to see her everyday!

Perhaps Porcupineintherough but that wasn't what the pp was referring to (and thankfully infanticide was/is incredibly rare)

My point was that many, many women were essentially "forced" to continue unwanted/unplanned pregnancies and yet they still (in the vast majority of cases) step up to the plate and actually parent their DC and don't just piss off into the sunset like many of the fathers of those children do.

I'd hazard a guess that the number of absentee fathers who were married to the mothers is substantially lower than those that weren't married?

Also see the current active thread about a woman who deliberately lied to her partner that she was on contraception to get pregnant without his consent

What about the kids MH when abandoned by someone who should love them unconditionally?

Plenty of men play the devoted dad for years then do a total runner if that relationship ends. My ex-husband did. He was completely opposed to paying any child support until it was explained by a solicitor that it was a legal obligation. He basically only paid in order to get a much bigger settlement from me - that’s another outrage.

He has vanished from the kids’ lives. I don’t understand how someone can do that. The only explanation is he is completely lacking in empathy and utterly selfish. A sociopath. There seem to be plenty around.

@Sunhoop your see a big rise in the number of illegal abortions though. And quite likely infanticide too. Women through the ages have resisted being forced into motherhood against their will.

I guarantee if you removed a woman’s right to terminate pregnancy there’d be a huge uprising in the numbers of absent mothers.

I guarantee you'd be wrong! I'm from a country where abortion was only legalized two years ago and contraception was illegal up until the 80's. Do we have hoardes and hoardes of absentee mothers as a result? Do we fuck! Most nonsensical comment I've seen for a while on here.

In my case its just pure selfishness. My ex abandoned 2 dds after being in their lives for many years. Simply could not be bothered with them as that would have impacted on his social life and his ability to do whatever he wants, when he wants. I certainly didn't rush into marriage/having children with this man and they were both very much wanted. He seems to have a split personality. What gets me though is how other women entertain him knowing this.

I dont think.you can make someone parent - and you probably shouldn't try. They can and should be required to pay though - sensible amounts without fail.

Several months into a relationship with my ex he mentioned he had a DS that he hadn't seen since he was months old. The last time he'd tried to visit her father took a baseball bat to his car so he refused to go back. The young idiot in me didn't think to question what my bf had done to warrant such a strong violent reaction. I learnt about his own violent streak to my detriment (but that's a whole other thread!).
He has 4 dc and only sees 1 of them. None with me, phew!

DH has a DD, he's a fabulous dad and she lived with us for years before going off to uni.

Absolutely agree @user1471462428

To have a child and then refuse to parent should be illegal.

Can't really see the men in power bringing that one in though.

That is the million dollar question. Like @3JsMa I can sympathise. My ex is a disgusting abusive and violent, infectious thug of a disgrace of a father/man and I mean that with every fiber of my being. He abused me, horrifically so whilst pregnant and after pregnancy, he threw a 30 week old pregnant woman down the stairs.
Anyway, his contact is currently supervised in a contact center, he's applied to take me to the Court and I HAD TO DO ALL the sorting out for his contact because he is so utterly selfish and left it all to the last minute. The contact center said it's often the way.
He's pleading woe is me, I am a wonderful and dutiful father but the fact of the matter is the moment he chose to abuse a defenceless child is when he lost my respect for him as a father. My daughter is SO much better off without him and I really hope the family court see him for the disgusting person he is... this is a man who forced social services to intervene and remove both DD and I from the family home. He makes my skin crawl and I hate him with utter venom.
These kind of absent fathers are just best out of our children's lives.

It’s one of the few things that Americans get right. Child support come out of pay and a jail term for non payment. This is well overdue in this country.

I've heard a few blame depression.

Some never wanted to be fathers in the first place.
Others, and I think your ex probably falls under this category OP, are only interested in/willing to have children as a means to having a relationship with a woman. When the relationship goes, the kids are a hassle.

The drive to have sex is strong in men, the drive to have children I think is less so (in evolutionary terms that didnt matter of course, nature just meant one led to the other) in our society where manliness is not judged by the number of children you have. Very different in other parts of the world, which leads to other problems.

Stayings the hard part. Out of sight out of mind OP.

Absent fathers don't need anyone sticking up for them FFS. The status quo is that it is already socially acceptable to leave the parenting to the mother and blame her for the pregnancy/cies. You're wasting your energy fighting a battle that's already won, but bless you for trying.

How about the radical idea that men take responsibility for their own fertility and the results?

oh and give over with the "depression" and "mental lethargy". how about self-absorbed, petty manchild who is a bit shit at not putting himself first? I'm not sure about the "bonding" thing like its some magic spell. I love my kids, they are with me most of the time, we are "bonded" but when he has them in the summer for two weeks, I mostly don't think about or miss them much. I bloody love the freedom to come and go as I please. I suspect that for many absent fathers, its like that. Lets not overcomplicate this and yet again make excuses. You don't want to generalise because the conclusion is that there are a fuck ton of selfish manchildren out there who DO let down their kids because they can and someone will come along and say "oh they are doing their best" or "mothers do it to" or "well he was trapped into it". Those cases do exist sure, but it is also true that a LOT of those who CHOOSE to be absent do it out of pure laziness, selfishness, prefer the comfy childfree life - as an earlier pp said. Parenting is often dull, annoying, expensive, restrictive but somehow most mothers just get on with it.

@dontdisturbmenow The kindest assumption I can make about you is that you've led a very sheltered life. Men abandon their kids all the time. It's not due to depression or the evil woman preventing them; in the majority of cases it's because they are lazy shits and looking after children without a servant (woman) around is difficult and expensive, so they choose not to do it. Nevermind that the kids miss them and want to see their dad, nevermind that the mum has to do 100% of the parenting, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The man can't be arsed so he does what he wants and the mum picks up the slack. The man is not the victim here.