To think obtaining a nursing degree as a single mum...

It’s about 15 years since I trained but when I was training it was always negotiable, we didn’t have to do nights until 2nd year and even then I think you only had to do about 2 weeks worth over the entire course. I regularly mentor students and my team and I are always as reasonable and flexible as can be (my team nearly all have young kids and I myself became a single mum when my son was 18 months with limited support so I know what it’s like!) I would say go for it and you will find a way but it will be very difficult at times and push you to your limits! If you are doing the access course it will be another year down the line before the placements really effect you anyway and the outcome at the end will be a really enjoyable career and steady income for your family!

I was the 16 year old you describe here and I resented my parents so much (they weren’t in nursing but jobs with variable, long hours)

Making a 16 year old take that responsibly and loss is freedom is so so so unfair.

Do it op. Your kids are older and I believe you can make the shifts work.

I decided on a social work degree as I felt I could not do a nursing degree with a 4 year old. But your kids are older.

I'm an RNLD. Because of the clinical settings we work in, most of my placements were 9-5 Mon-Fri with minimal nights, although had long commutes.

I think you'd be setting a stellar example to your kids op. It won't be easy but it'll be worth it. Good for you!

I just qualified as a midwife and I’m a single parent. When my marriage broke down I spoke to my hospital and negotiated to do day shifts only, no nights. They were fine with it. Another parent on my course negotiated to do set days each week; much easier for organising childcare. OP, start your access course, don’t wait. Your kids will all be secondary age by the time you start your degree. Maybe you can negotiate with their dad to have them more; you can get some after school help- although tbh if my NT year 7 child couldn’t get themselves up to school in the morning and home again I’d be concerned about them. I wouldn’t leave my year 7 overnight but a few hours after school twice a week should be fine. Can you make friends with your neighbours so there’s someone to ask for help in an emergency? I definitely wouldn’t get an au pair for secondary age kids, that’s nuts.

[quote zippy90]@CandyLeBonBon soon to have 3 under 4, plenty of family support in normal times. With father of children but it's rocky. Did hope to start when the oldest two are in full time school, but now I'm not so sure. I've got a virtual open day soon so hopefully will get to ask some questions. [/quote]
I went back to uni as a single parent of 3 in 2017 and graduated with a 1st in 2020. It sounds like you have a great support network so Absolutely go for it. It sounds like that's going to work for you, in which case, you give that the best of your best shots, and I hope you reach your goals because not enough women do.

My recent degree was not in nursing and there is absolutely no way I could've done a degree where I needed to be away from home on placements in the way that most medical degrees expect. I'm currently doing a masters. My eldest is 19 (asd) and I would still struggle to do any kind of work which expected my eldest (or even my middle kid) to be comfortable being effectively in charge in my absence, overnight, for more than one night a week.

And I say this as a person who was expected to fend for themselves 5 nights out of 7 at the age of 12/13.

I think it works if there is a robust support network in place, but if not, there's a lot of things that can go wrong.

I think it's really imposing on your 16 year old. I think it would be doable but you need paid child care. Your 16 year old shouldn't have to sacrifice their teen years so you can achieve your dreams. Is an au pair, nanny a possibility?

My mum trained when I was a teenager. She had long shifts, night shifts and a lot of academic work, so it was tough. The main difference is that my grandparents were local, so able to stay when she had night shifts or pop round to make dinner if she was working into the evening. Even as a very sensible 16 year old, I wouldn’t have wanted to take care of my siblings alone at night so I’m glad that wasn’t asked of me when I got to that age.

That said, in a couple of years it might be worth revisiting again. In the meantime you could do your access course and get some experience. There’s no real age limit for nursing. Lots of people do it in their 40s and up, as long as you can cope with the physical side.

Definitely achievable, I didn't do any night shifts when I was a student. I qualified in December 2020.

Can I suggest that you join the student nursing groups on Facebook and post your question? I think you'll get some really helpful suggestions.

We were bloody fine when mum was on nights as kids - and my brother was WILD. We sometimes played up a bit, I know I had my boyfriend round when I wasn’t allowed while mum was on nights and my brother wouldn’t be in when he was supposed to be but mum certainly wasn’t the only single parent in the same position and we just got on with it.

So not bloody fine then. Your mum didn’t know where her 11/12 year old son was at night or who her 13 daughter was with.

Totally doable. My mums id it when we were much younger.

You’ll work it out. At least your 15 year old can watch the other two.

You can’t expect your 16 year old to basically co-parent. What if they decide they just don’t want to?

@CandyLeBonBon soon to have 3 under 4, plenty of family support in normal times. With father of children but it's rocky. Did hope to start when the oldest two are in full time school, but now I'm not so sure. I've got a virtual open day soon so hopefully will get to ask some questions.

Even without night shifts the day shifts may be harder. If they start at 7:30am, some may even start at 7am. You’ll have to leave the house well before 7am, nearer 6:30am. So either you get all the kids up and ready at 5:30am and leave them to make their own way to school or rely on the 15yo. Neither are good.

Nursing and midwifery are in no way shape or form family friendly, nor flexible. The service needs always come first.

Personally I think nursing is ridiculously flexible and family friendly. Where I work, "family friendly hours" and set shifts are a thing for people with kids. You can choose to work somewhere with long day and night shifts and have more days off, or choose somewhere with shorter day shifts and have a more 'normal' work life balance. Or you can choose to just work on the "bank" or with an agency and just pick up shifts as and when you want. One of my friends works on the bank and just does 2 night shifts a week; she takes home more than muggins over here working full time at the top of band 5 (though no amount of money would get me to work nights again) .

When you qualify and the youngest is 13, and the eldest may well have left home you are very likely to work more shifts than you did as a student.

Unless you manage to secure a post in the community or similar your childcare problems will carry on. Is that manageable?

I'm a bit bemused at people suggesting a childminder or live in au pair for children who are 11, 13 and 16. But I grew up as a 'latch key' kid and turned out fine .

Do it OP; when I did my training you weren't actually allowed to do any night shifts at all in your first year, and then there was a limit on how many you could do. Nights will be a very small part of your training. Most places will be fairly flexible with your placements if you have childcare issues.

P.S. have you looked into the nursing associate role and training at all?

I’m sorry but I would suggest waiting until your children are older. I trained in my 30’s with primary school aged children and family support and it was still HARD.

Some, but not all of my mentors were flexible with shifts and although you don’t need to work with your mentor 40% of the time anymore, if you are rostered on for nights, then nights it is. Long days days were 07.00 - 8pm.

Balancing long days / nights on placement along with academic assignments and being a Mum, with no support would be very difficult. I personally think you’d be spreading yourself too thinly.

I may have missed how old you are but there is plenty of time. One of the students in my cohort was in her 50’s.

[quote CandyLeBonBon]@titchy that's not what I asked. [/quote]
I was just pointing out that your question may well be irrelevant.

@titchy that's not what I asked.

The non NHS healthcare company after thiswas a lot more corporate in their attitude, insisting on certain hours and conditions. I left due to the nazi attitude of my manager (who had kids). My manager in the NHS was great... And she'd not even had kids!

I'm a social work student and can easily avoid the shift work placements. I've waited until my children are all in school until I've started my studies, I mean this year totally cocked my very well laid plans up but I did try! My youngest 2 kids are much younger than yours but the older 2 are 14&13 and even though they don't "need" me for food prep and homework supervision they do need me for emotional support still. I'm glad in a way that I've been at home studying for my 1st year as it's allowed me to iron out any creases in my plans and for the kids to get used to me not being as available.

I use a childminder and any OSTED approved childcare is paid for (85%) by a grant. My uni have a lot of financial support available for lone parents or people on low incomes too. My childminder has recently stopped working though so I've been considering hiring a nanny (I am so far from posh though it feels like they'd just laugh at me!!).

If I were you I would get in touch with uni and get as much info as possible regarding placements. Be totally honest about your situation and see if there's any help/support/consideration for single parents. Also, get firmer plans in place from your ex, friends and family with regards to how much support they will offer. Be aware that people change their mind once they actually start looking after your kids though so have back ups in place. I would 100% do it in your position though.