To want a houseplants that just bloody lives

Most house plants hate central heating too...
I have a cheese plant and a peace Lilly in north facing hallway near the front door that are happy. I don't water very often.
Every 6 months I soak them in the sink with some feed.

You're over watering. Cactus are great, tiny bit of water once a week , sit not too far from daylight but not where it's going to fry in a spot that's sunny constantly. Same with orchids . They will lose their flower, but it does come back.

Aloe Vera, they just don't die! I now have 76....... they keep having babies.

Failing this get a decent quality artificial plant. It will cost more but all you have to do is wash it gently once a year. No one will know.

A really good watering tip is to sit pot in a bowl full of water. When the levels stop going down its had enough

My houseplant success fluctuates wildly!

I currently have a dragon tree which was about 6'' tall from IKEA about 5 years ago. I liked it little but it obvs likes what i do as it's now getting too big to be an 'on a shelf' plant and is now an 'on the floor' plant. Mid thigh height. (re-potted twice).

My orchids however - sigh - the more i try to do the right thing: transfer to clear pot, use proper granuals, use moss, use orchid feed - the more they do NOTHING. 2 years - nothing.

I once had a cheese plant which grew so huge i had to arrange the living room furniture according to giving the leaves enough space It was up to the ceiling and the largest leaves were 2 foot across. I used to polish them It even flowered for me! I had to give it away when i moved :(

forgot to mention supermarket herbs though....I have coriander, basil, parsley rosemary and mint, I can keep them going for MONTHS, the only reason they go in the bin is because I have used them and don't have time to wait for them to regrow

Current coriander has been on the go since early January

Also patchplants.com is an online plant shop and they have them organized by easy, moderate, demanding.

@BlueThistles - we have one of those, bought as a straggly thing from a church fayre because DH felt sorry for it.
We now take great pleasure in taking cuttings and watching the little roots sprout over a couple of days.

Overwatering is the main reason houseplants die, or buying heat loving plants (such as hibiscus) and expecting them to be happy in a North facing room.
You should only water a plant when the top two inches of soil is cometely dry. I'm good with houseplants but give me a fern and I'll guarantee it'll be dead in 3 months. Those buggers are so unbelievably needy.

Sorry forgot no.3 - assorted succulents! Neglect seems to work for them.

I’m shit at houseplants and my most recent ones are still alive after nearly a year! I can’t believe it.

They are:
1 Devil’s Ivy (pothos)
2 Heart leaf philodendron
4 Snakeplant or MILs tongue (sansiveria)
5 Cissus striata

They are ridiculously easy, look really nice and if I can do it anyone can. The Devil’s ivy is particularly rampant, don’t think I could kill it if I tried. Just read the basic care instructions and follow them, they should be fine.

my mother loves a house plant, she has them everywhere, I just cba with them

I do buy them and can keep them going for ages, but then somehow I forget about caring for them, and keep thinking "I must water that" and as every day goes by I think, "ahhhh it'll go another day...." and then one day it's crispy, brown and dead.

Killed a lovely spider plant doing that.

This year I have managed to kill a beautiful hibiscus, a cactus, about 10 pots of aloe Vera which I have had for years and I'm currently killing an unkillable pothos which I am fostering for a friend who is abroad this year!
I love houseplants so much but they really seem to hate me!
My plastic ikea fern looks great though

Scindapsus. Bit of a masochist. Perfect plant😁
I have issue with overwatering plants or fforgetting for a month🙄 Of you are getting succulents get propper compost

A friend once told me that she saw house plants as cut flowers that live a bit longer. That reduced my expectations of my plants!

Another friend was an absolute marvel with house plants. She had multiple huge specimens on every window sill. But she gave them lots of care and attention and repotted them when needed. Mine get a bit of water when I remember. I too have the problem of only North or South facing window sills.

to plant-killing friends I give: peace lily, spider plant, monstera, ZZ plant (Zamioculcas zamiifolia), aspidistra, devil's ivy, sansevieria, and clivia. They pretty much all thrive on neglect.

You’ve pretty much described my plant repertoire there @Agapornis

I’ve also got an alocasia which I’ve somehow managed to keep going (the one with the bronze leaf undersides, it’s very pretty).

My tactic seems to be watering them less than you’d think, and bottom-watering (ie letting them soak up water from the bath rather than use a watering can).

I also find the Planta app quite useful although it tends towards overwatering I’ve found.

The issue is that you are putting your plants in a place with no light. The place you mention ( on cupboards in line with a north facing window is a dreadful place for plants to live. That is why they die.
Go for artificial if you desperately want to put plants there. Put your real plants somewhere else

I don't touch the houseplants, my fingers are black but dh uses the rainwater from the water butt for all of ours and are all thriving. Along with enough light and no draughts. I think it's the rainwater rather than tapwater that helps.

You are probably overwatering, sad looking plants are usually overwatered.

Keep them away from radiators and very few house plants like a south facing window (cactus maybe).

Put in a pot with holes in the bottom, on a saucer or in another pot without holes. After watering

Generally speaking don’t water till the plastic pot inside feels really really light. Water then check it’s drained and isn’t sitting in water. Plants that are waterlogged can’t breathe. So in winter you might only be watering every 2 to 3 weeks.

If they do get waterlogged you can save them by brushing most of the compost off and replacing it.

Money plant or snake plant. Both we moved into our new house, then accidentally left in room with shutters fully closed, and could t move in for 7 weeks.
So almost 2 months in pitch black with no water, they looked the same when we finally got back in!

Since then they have been left super wet, super dry, in hot, in cold, in sun or dark. Still alive

Watching this thread with interest , I managed to kill part of my yucca which I purchased last September . Pulled the dead one away from the taller one so far so good with the existing one , looked for a cheese plant on Sunday but they'd sold out

I have had success with a peace lily, and tree like palm type, and orchid, which has bloomed twice since I brought it.

Position is really important with plants, I know if try to move them from where they are happy, it brings on the curse, don’t over water, I have been guilty of this in the past.

Try getting a peace Lilly OP, pretty indestructible, place in a spot with light, but not in direct light, mine is on the lounge floor, it’s really big now, re pot as necessary and don’t over water, it will droop when it needs a drink.

My orchid lives the window sill, I have re potted it twice and it’s thriving, in bloom at the moment. I feed it with orchid food and it’s doing well.

The palm type, tree like one is happy in more shade, as long as it gets some light, in a pot in the corner of our breakfast room.

Good luck OP.

Most houseplants are killed with love.
Too much water so literally drowned to death