For refusing to talk to the school

YABU to not answer the phone if they ring, however stressful your situation is. Withdrawing communication is never a good strategy.

When they ring, tell them you are struggling. You have to work at your job, you don't have adequate facilities for your children to work and you cannot give them the support that they need. And repeat.

Then get on with your day. Hopefully some sort of support will be arranged at some point, but until then repeat that you are all struggling. As a minimum, I'd like the one struggling most (the eight year old) back in school and another device on loan for the ten year old, if that could be managed.

Sorry for you OP, it's crap really. But you need to stay in touch with them, otherwise further protocols will be triggered.

OP, did it ever occur to you that the school might be trying to ring you to say they have a spare place at school or that they have located an extra iPad/laptop for your child or can help in another way? Did the school outright tell you that there is no help they will give you when you told them what your situation was? That doesn’t sound like an ordinary response.

Are you in a position to help your children with their school work after you have finished your work hours or over the weekend at all?

Oh OP not quite in the same situation, but I've just gotten fed up with school ringing every other day! We only have one fully working laptop that my first child uses to do work. Every other spare device in our house, is slow freezes. Myself and dh can't give our laptop as we are wfh. I notified school of this right in the Beginning, took them for ever to finally send a laptop for my second child to use! Except it's useless!! They blocked it from accessing pretty much everything, including educational websites that they send links to for dc to use to do work, lots of YouTube link is also sent from the school and again useless as YouTube is blocked. Microsoft teams doesn't work, won't let me log in. The school keep saying they will get back to me to sort it out, except they don't! Instead call to see how the children are getting on with remote learning!! From last week I just ignore the calls now, I've told them numerous times the issue we are having, they seriously expect me to sit with child and explain and discuss the work??? And work myself ??? When they give no solution to the fact we are unable to access any work via the school laptop. I felt I was just repeating myself Everytime. Feels better ignoring school calls.

I can understand its frustrating, as my adult sons SN college keep doing them as well, even though he is in live online classes, talking to his mentor and various others everyday. They like to find out how dh and I are doing as well, which is really annoying. I just tend to be non commital, which Inthink annohs them but it's none of their business

OP many people are in the exact same position. Single parents are under immense pressure at the moment.

Don’t feel guilty your keeping a roof over their heads.

You are making a rod for your own back.
Answer the phone.

School attendance officers and welfare staff aren't rich bogey men living in an ivory tower and existing to make your life a living hell. Usually they are parents (and mostly mums) willing to do demanding, poorly paid jobs because they can fit the hours around their own DC. Most of them will be experiencing very similar difficulties to you.

Answer the phone. Even if they can't help you, at least it will get them off your back for a few days.

Honestly - all bets are going to be off with Y6/7 transitioners, poor kids.

You would think, wouldn't you? And yet all ten high schools my Y6 children transferred to last year all wanted to know that exact information.

They’re calling to check your kids aren’t dead.
You’d think people would be appreciative of people looking out for their kids but apparantly not.
You could try sending them one email, or answer the phone like an adult?

His high school will still want to know about his attitude to learning and his behaviour from his teacher. Does he know that?

Honestly - all bets are going to be off with Y6/7 transitioners, poor kids. And all the secondary schools I've had experience of have swiftly done their own assessments for groupings.

@DriveInSaturday - this is why I was mentioning it - to suggest to OP that this might provide a way to ensure school know the kids are fine. My DC enjoys it and is able to pretty much sort himself out with it now. (But I do think our school have been really considerate - kept it to a short session, staggered for different times so siblings don't need devices/bandwidth at same time, kept it light. )

As others have said they are doing regular wellbeing/welfare checks which is their duty.
If you're finding the calls a bit much then politely ask if they could do one as an email and then the other as a call?
Do they ask to speak to DCs or just to you?
If it's just to you then all check ins could be done as emails and you could copy and paste your response.
Don't ignore it as you will end up with a home visit.

Can you email the school to state what you have put in your posts? So you have a written record.

I get it’s frustrating for you but if you won’t speak to them it could become a safeguarding issue

The other is 10 and has ADHD but no EHCP - as he knows his SATs are cancelled he has little motivation,

His high school will still want to know about his attitude to learning and his behaviour from his teacher. Does he know that?

both my kids are entitled to a place in school.
so far, they've had 1 x afternoon as school is 'full' (Secondary, capacity for 900 currently 550 on roll) 'average no in at any point is 10-12', you have to apply a week in advance to Head who 'decides' and will let you know (or not, we have found)
I had 2 calls / 5 emails about permission for covid testing (every letter they sent the link was broken)
they are aware that I am rural very poor broadband and have 1 elderly laptop (the promised help with this did not materialise)

yesterday the kids went in (I have to drive them 20 miles each way to fit the times available at the schoo as the buses don't run then) ds fixed 3 laptops in the school as the teachers couldn't and the 9 kids who were in the one room (mixed year groups) were causing chaos. my dd did less work than she'd get done at home with pencil and paper. there was no hand gel available, no masks worn by the other kids or some of the staff and no testing took place after all that fuss. As I was driving home school tried to call me about something else. I asked about the C19 test and was told 'that's only available for the am kids, you'll have to come back tomorrow am for yours if you want one'
So the reality for many of us is very different from the theory.
There is NO support available even for vulnerable kids from some 'places of education'. There is no redress for this except moving. Too late for kids in exam years. They are royally stuffed this year.

OP, I'd send an email if you can. Or answer them.
It's a pain but they will persist otherwise.

I'm guessing if the school hadn't contacted you at all you'd be complaining that they don't give a damn.

ihatemyself I think sansasnark means that she has to phone rather than email if there has been no contact with the child. If your child is on the daily class zoom session, the teacher knows they are ok and doesn't need to call as well.

A lot of people are saying they haven't received phone calls but are joining the zoom calls so that will be why. If you are submitting some work and joining live chats/lessons they will likely not need a phone call unless they've specifically been flagged as vulnerable. Being impossible to contact when the school are trying is likely to cause concern.

The school have to make welfare calls.

What are the kids doing all day? I don't mean this to be harsh or critical, but I feel a bit worried about your kids. I think your kids are probably in a vulnerable category now, and school would rather them in.

Does no one else find it odd that a school would say 'oh we can't help you and won't support you'?

I don't think anyone has said that they do have any of the things you mention. Why do you think that's the only way they can offer support?

You don't know what the school have actually said, do you? She hasn't said specifically. I've asked the OP what school have actually said.

Except a safeguarding officer at your house.

It's safeguarding. They have to and in our school if parent doesn't answer then it triggers a home visit to check all is ok. So you are just making your own life harder.