Come reassure me, just found a lump

Also thank you InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream I am still losing weight and have pains in my armpits and right breast. Lymph nodes still up one week - down the next.

Hello lovely people of the Internet.

Just thought I'd stop by again as I'm feeling a bit shit and angry and you all seem to have magical powers to calm me down.

It's been a month since the private appointment where Dr told me he would move up my public ultrasound and put me in for bloods and a chest xray. I did have the bloods.

After I got that horrible reaction frommy GP I decided to just try ignore it.
That didn't really work so my partner asked a family member to check the system in the public hospital.

As of this afternoon... I dont exist on the system for an xray and my original ultrasound still has no date and is noted as ''Non urgent '' .

I cant fucking understand why that man refused me and my cash at the private hospital. I would have had my results two weeks ago !!!!!????

Well...I kind of do understand but I'm not sure if I'm being paranoid or precious .
I know I am no more important than anyone else and I'm likely to be fine.. but I cant stop thinking that man just wanted the €180 and to get me out.

Had he done those tests on me that day, he would have pocketed no more money from me. Just that 180. The rest would have gone to the hospital.

So all I can think is he just told me that to make a quick buck and then forgot about me.

I'm planning to call his receptionist at the private hospital in the morning to tell them he has done nothing he said except the blood tests (which came back as 'satisfactory' my gp texted it to me)

But I'm not sure exactly how I should say it.
Perhaps you can give me some advice?

My partner is beside himself with worry and now hes getting very upset and threatening to call.

I absolutely appreciate what you're saying to me InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream Thank you for even taking the time to speak with me.

I hope I'm not being too frustrating by saying 'but' a lot.
I do agree with absolutely everything you are saying to me. You are right.

I definitely won't be calling anybody now on a Friday evening after the reception I got the night before Paddy's day 🤣 If I've heard nothing Monday morning I will start calling around again.
Thanks so much.

The secretary at the gp office was quite off with me too when I called. I said my name and said I was looking for advice ...she kept stopping me saying ' are you even in this practice,I'm not here to give advice,that's not what we're here for'' so I couldn't even begin the conversation properly.

I just felt stupid the whole time interacting with anyone.
It's like they thought I was someone else,someone who always bothered them or someone known to them. Then the gp called me back with that attitude. It's a weird one.

Hopefully, everything WILL come back fine, the point is, at the moment, they don't know that this isn't cancer, so they aren't doing their jobs properly by not ruling it out in a timely manner. Pointing this out to the practice manager and the consultant secretary might sharpen their focus a bit

I agree with you 100%. I just fear saying this will have the opposite effect of what I'm hoping for.

I feel they'll be like ''Ah, and there we have it,she thinks she has cancer'' then if it comes back clear they'll treat me like a thick. I shouldn't care about this. I know. I'm going back and forward between 'advocate for yourself' to 'They're not going to take you seriously''

They've gotten the wrong impression of me and seem to think I'm one of these health anxiety people who's trying to make problems or get attention(?) Ive been to my gp surgery twice in the last decade! Including this latest time.. they just got me all wrong and i think any more poking trying to get things moved up ..will just make them think I'm 'excited ' for this
God this is depressing .

And when I went to the public hospital last week for my bloods...the receptionist went to the consultant to say I was looking for my xray and he said ''I told her to go home and wait for a call''

I then called my gp to ask what to do in the mean time and she said stop and wait.

The people I know working in the hospital say there has been no dates made on the system for any scans for me yet. If I call or ask someone again to look into it...one of the doctors will get extremely annoyed with me. They already seem that way.
And since hes the top guy in both hospitals..I dont want to bite the hand that feeds so to speak..

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream my partner has offered to call but I doubt anyone would speak to him. I keep going back and forward between feeling worried and then trusting that I'll be fine.

On one hand I feel I should keep chasing it but on the other(and I know this is ridiculous) I worry if everything comes back ok theyll think I'm a mad or made it up.

This happened to me before in a different country. I had hormonal problems,a doctor asked me to write down EVERYTHING to do with my menstrual cycle from teens to the current time. Asked for everything.

I wrote it all,had it translated and sent to him,he brought me into his office and said ''It's very simple,what you have is psychosomatic...look at all you've written, it's all your mind thinks about''

That affected me for a long time.
The same feelings are coming up now and I'm so conflicted.

Lurkeycakewoman I'm glad you were taken care of so swiftly! At least some women are being made a priority💕
Yes the system in Ireland is very flawed.

I just can't understand why consultant said he'd send me straight back to public. When It was noted by the secretary that I could pay all tests on the day. Including biopsy.

Was it just that he was being nice and wanted me to avoid paying through the nose(he did say he NEVER refers anyone for blood tests in particular, at the Beacon because its so expensive?)

Or, could it simply have been that he got his €180 consultation fee for 15 minutes with me and any test I would have paid for after,would have gone to the hospital and not him...so likely it would have taken up a bit more of his time arranging those for me so instead sent me on my way after a few minutes?

I dont know. I'm obviously overthinking things that make no difference to the situation. Just feel like a bit of a knob 😅

This was originally a sore right shoulder and sore lump in right armpit. That lump went away after a week.

I feel I've been set on this road..and then told to calm fucking down and stop walking... feels a bit gaslighty almost

Thanks for helping me feel sane!! 💕
No,no night sweats.
I'm not losing weight nearly as quickly now. Its obvious it's due to my lack of appetite.

Just pain and discomfort around my armpits. Some stabbing pains on and off around my clavicle, lymph nodes in neck seem to be coming up for 5 or 6 days, going down for a few days and back up again. Sometimes I get little sharp pains in the nodes in my neck. But they pass pretty quickly.

I'm starting to wonder now how much of it is in my mind..