Firstly thank you for your time reading this, I would just like some unbiased views on this situation.
My mum has borderline personality disorder and has always been unpredictable, jealous and very impulsive. My mum hates that I have a relationship with anyone else, my husband, my twin sister, my baby, my in laws- everyone.
In April 2020 I had my first baby, the family’s first grandchild. It was a difficult time with a traumatic birth ending in a c-section, obviously we were in the first lockdown. My in laws came and stood outside our living room window every other day for months so they could see the baby, my mum didn’t bother at all. In fact in my baby’s 9 months my mum has only seen him 3 times. She’s incredibly jealous of my in laws and my relationship with them, I have been with my now husband for nearly 12 years, since I was 16 so obviously I am very close to them. My mum couldn’t understand why I would want to spend time with them, this would often leave her angry and jealous at me.
In the summer we went for a day out to a local garden centre, lovely day, although my mum made 2 awful comments to me, one about my appearance and one about my parenting ability. Baring in mind I had a 4 month old baby I didn’t feel these comments were appropriate so I texted her when I got home, nothing rude, just saying I didn’t think these comments were appropriate, saying I needed some space.
A few days later I received the most upsetting voicemails ever from my mum saying that she wished my grandad would have a heart attack, she said my husband was a f**ing snake, she was going to go round to my in laws, basically very threatening. She also sent some text messages saying she was going to throw bricks through my window. At this point I called the police. I couldn’t have someone threatening me and my baby, I wouldn’t put it past her to actually do it.
The police were great and since then I’ve not spoken to my mum at all.
Even though her behaviour has always been iratic and hard to deal with (I had CBT last year to help deal with my mums issues which really did help) I am finding it hard going having no contact with her. Even with all her flaws she is my mum and I love her.
My parents divorced years ago so my dad doesn’t really have an opinion.
What would you do?
Would you throw an olive branch or just get on with life without her?