40th Birthday Disappointment

I'm sorry OP. I've no advice other than what's been posted.

Happy birthday though

I've just turned 40 (on NYE) and most of the stuff DH had planned fell through due to being back in lockdown so has been postponed until April and he had to work an emergency 12hr shift all day. He still arranged cake, takeaway, flowers, a gift from the children and a huge fuss when he was here. We don't usually bother with birthdays but he made an effort precisely because we hadn't managed any of the stuff we had planned this year.

I wish you a happy birthday. I'm so sorry you are feeling unappreciated.

Happy Birthday, OP.
YANBU.

My dh doesn’t forget birthdays but he doesn’t always think it through. Taking me to Rome for my birthday was amazing but not the best idea in August. I was dehydrated and feeling faint when we arrived at the hotel.

Would he expect a fuss? If not and wouldn’t complain at a lack lustre birthday and is otherwise a good partner, is it worth accepting this is not his forte and make your own fuss!

If he’s the kind of person who expects you to sort amazing things for his birthday but won’t reciprocate... He’s possibly not a very nice person and you have some having it out with him to do...

Ps. I don’t mean to disparage with word fuss. I like birthday fuss, planning for others and happening for me!

Apologies just read he forgot the other 2 :/

What I don’t understand is why three fit bits - I assume the others work ?? Are they each ab upgrade on the other one . I know a guy who only buys boots every year for his girlfriend as she loves the first time he bought her some - so it’s his ‘winner’ present . At least boots wear out though ...
it’s a bit strange to forget you bought a Fitbit before x

This is all ringing true. My recent birthday (just after Christmas) was ‘celebrated’ with a card and small box of lindor from my partner. For his birthday I took him out for the day, booked and paid for lunch and spent £50 on a gift. And I’m the one feeling grabby about mentioning it!

3 fucking fitbits

Jesus there's plenty he could have done.
Even stuck inside the house.

Food,wine, flowers,photo album ordered online,nice new jammies or loungewear,he could have made a big deal putting on a good film and just generally making a fuss of you.

Are you past the point of speaking to him about it or could you say somthing?

That's a shame OP. Especially the third Fitbit because he forgot...
It might be worth looking up "the love languages" and having a conversation about it? Because some people genuinely don't realise gifts can be an important way of showing love and appreciation.

By the way, Happy Birthday 🎂

I used to get a bit upset on birthdays or any kind of special day - if I didn’t get what I wanted . My dh would think he’d done a great job and I’d think whatever he did was mostly rubbish lol . We had loads of arguments over the years . I could see him getting stressed as any occasion approached and I would too!
I now tell him what I want and the arguments have stopped and both our stress has gone .
It was my 40th recently too and I said flowers , what kind of meal I wanted cooked and what kind of clothes I wanted . It’s up to him then to put the effort in and pick really good stuff . The flowers ended up making me cry as they were amazing and he arranged them from all different florists , decorated the vase himself etc .
I’ve been out with men who just know romance and he’s just a bit hit and miss on that side . It’s helped us both so much for me to actually say what I expect - then no one is disappointed and he can show his love in what he picks knowing it’s things I want - rather than buying me crap I don’t want .
I think we expect them to be mind readers. My sister in laws husband is similar , he’s the most wonderful husband ( I lived with them for a year and he treated her like a princess - breakfast in bed every weekend etc) one Xmas I helped him Xmas shop for her and he broke out in a sweat he was so stressed , he was like a rabbit caught in a trap . I ended up giving him some boots I bought for myself to give to her.
I think if he’s genuinely a great partner then perhaps you need to make him aware but give him guidance on what you expect too x

Oh, that’s a bit rubbish! I sympathise with you because for my 50th , OH worked( weekday) bought me a bottle of Prosecco which I can’t stand.
Said we would celebrate on the weekendOn the Friday, I had an epileptic fit and spent the weekend in hospital! That wasn’t his fault but a was birthday to remember for all the wrong reasons.

Divorce him then.

If someone makes you feel like that, then why put up with it?

Men have formed an excellent mafia on being shit. They keep the average is so bad that when one occasionally does something amazing he is a god. This is all deliberate.

I organise my own birthday. Pre COVID I always arrange a party for myself and a mini break. This year (in a few weeks time) I’m ordering tapas from the local wine bar place. My DH and I always discuss our birthdays a few weeks before the birthday person tells the other one what is happening. So my DH will arrange a BBQ and perhaps a show for his birthday and I’ll arrange mine. I’ll get the tapas, some bubbly, watch a paying movie or whatever and have a nice time.
I find this plan works well . Lots of my friends have rubbish birthdays but then they never plan anything or they say they don’t want anything and then are disappointed when they get nothing or hardly anything.

I know we're in the grip of this pandemic but a takeaway, bunch of flowers and a thoughtful gift would have meant so much to me.

My friends and I don’t usually buy each other birthday presents, but we all did last year as everyone was feeling so shit and we knew it would be a bit of cheer in a rubbish time. If people can actually make more effort in a pandemic, it’s a bit pathetic if he’s using it as an excuse to make less effort - especially with his own wife.

I think if you know you have a partner who is a bit rubbish like this, it's worth taking the bulls by the horns and organising your own birthday a month in advance. Give him a list of gifts you'd like, phone number for the florist and web address for moonpig. Make it really clear what you expect and hopefully you won't be disappointed. If he still fails to rise to the occasion, I would forget his birthday in perpetuity.

He sounds shit
Dump him

When his birthday comes round, you need to regift one of those Fitbits. Tell him you noticed that he seems to like them. And leave him to order a takeaway for himself.
I'm also amazed by how low the bar is set for Mumsnet men. Why do women settle for oafs like this?

I got sweet FA too! After I Organized a huge surprise party at a fancy restaurant for his 40th and bought him a brand new iPhone. Actually sorry he gave me a handmade card (piece of A4 printer paper that he scribbled happy birthday on with a biro). Funnily enough my kids- all under 18 were able to order presents and cards for me online, which he then got arsey about because they clearly showed that even in a lockdown it could be done. It's all about the thought and the effort to me. Yep he's an ex now.

3 fitbits is lame

But, otherwise, I'd pay more attention to how someone is all year round. My DH and his family have great ideas for gifts. I don't, but I'm thoughtful and considerate all year round

I am constantly amazed on Mumsnet at the awful men that women live with. Not helpful I know, but generally - raise your sights ladies. People take you at your own evaluation of yourself. Can you imagine, to take the opposite extreme, a really high-maintenance diva type woman being treated like this on her birthday?
I feel your pain, however OP. On my very landmark birthday once, my DP came up trumps, but nobody in my family bothered at all - it was really hurtful.

Sorry to hear that OP. Truly rubbish, especially as it’s a milestone birthday.

It’s my birthday today. My husband asked me 4 days ago what I wanted. (I’m not difficult to buy for and I’ve dropped plenty of hints, I saw a beautiful little jug in our local garden centre before Christmas-when I pointed out that I liked it, he said he didn’t like it, that was it, hint not taken I think).

Anyway he put me on the spot and as I couldn’t think of anything in that moment he said ‘well don’t expect anything then.’

I know he went to the supermarket last night so assume I may end up with a bottle of fizz. I’ve also had to tell him to buy a bday cake before he comes home so the kids can sing happy birthday with me. That’s better than nothing and I’ll be grateful I guess. But it’s hard when you see years of birthdays to come where basically unless I order my own present then I’m screwed basically!

Can you ask for a receipt for the fitbit? Use the money to buy yourself a proper frivolous present.

Sorry to say, but I'd assume a fitbit is a clumsy hint. He can't be do clueless to have forgotten he's bought you two already. It's really unpleasant tbh.

He's an arse. Do something nice for yourself.