Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

5 year old with a dummy

54 replies

ItsDynamite · 13/11/2020 11:27

Hi all, now I know I might get eviscerated for this but my 5 year old still has a dummy. He gets it in the evening just before bed and uses it to fall asleep, (it normally falls out as soon as he's out,) he hasn't had it in the day for years, but he's still very attached to it at night time. My question is, am I completely crazy to let him continue? He really likes it and I'd feel cruel to take it away from him. It hasn't caused any problems with his teeth or anything. I know he's way too old for it, and I think he probably does too, but surely he won't still be needing it when he's 40?

Apart from the dummy, he's well ahead of a lot of children his age with most things. So AIBU to say it's not the end of the world and let him ditch it in his own time?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Bonniedummy · 28/09/2025 15:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

AlwaysCheddar · 17/11/2020 08:25

Tell him Santa needs it and will swap it for something else.

drumandthebass · 17/11/2020 07:53

Can Father Christmas "swap" it for presents on Christmas Eve?

Volcanicorange · 17/11/2020 07:16

Dummies are a transition item. Children use them for comfort as they become more independent.

Let him wean off it in his own time. It won't hurt him at all, and there's nothing at all wrong with it.

The people who pearl clutch over it are the same people who 20 years ago would have said: 'what are you cuddling that baby so much for? You'll spoil him!'

Just explain to him that you give dummies to babies to help them sleep and he can still keep his, but it's only for bedtime

SuperCaliFragalistic · 16/11/2020 20:44

My 5 year old is a finger sucker and I don't know how we'll ever break that habit. I used to be so judgemental about dummies now I don't really think it's a major problem.

ParadiseLaundry · 16/11/2020 20:43

That's great news op. I think it shows he was ready and all he needed was a little encouragement. Zero judgement from me that he had it at this age though. We all do what we have to to get through the day and night!

Deadringer · 16/11/2020 20:35

Sorry didn't see your update op, that's brilliant.

Crankley · 16/11/2020 20:34

My nephew was very reluctant to part with his dummy at a similar age and my sister tried everything with no success. So she told him there were not enough dummies for all the new babies being born and if he would give them his, the Dummy Queen would send him a gift. They wrapped it up and posted it to the Dummy Queen (my mother) who duly posted back to him a toy car which he loved and never mentioned his dummy again. It takes a bit of effort but worth a try.

Deadringer · 16/11/2020 20:34

Perhaps he would leave it out for santa in exchange for a special gift?

Nomnomarrgh · 16/11/2020 20:27

Well done

DoloresOnTheDottedLine · 16/11/2020 19:39

Well done to you and him!

Feministicon · 16/11/2020 17:52

Well done @ItsDynamite and mini dynamite

munchbunch12 · 16/11/2020 17:50

That's great @ItsDynamite fingers crossed that tonight goes as well for you both!

Original poster
ItsDynamite · 16/11/2020 17:30

Update, for anyone that cares. Yesterday I had a big discussion with DS about how he's a big boy now, and doesn't need a dummy anymore. After some negotiation, DS agreed to go to bed without a dummy. The deal is that the dummies will go in a box that I'll keep a hold of, if he sleeps 5 nights without a dummy, then he'll throw the dummies in the bin and can get a reward.

Last night he had a slight wobble before bed and wanted to change his mind, but after a quick reminder of his reward, he quickly came around. And that was it, he didn't mention it again and slept all night. he did take slightly longer to fall asleep, but that's all. I'm amazed it was that easy, he loved his dummy, he used it every night for 5 years, I was expecting a big upheaval, but no. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

OP posts:
buildingbridge · 13/11/2020 18:52

Dummy's are very bad for speech. Honestly, a child who I work with still has a lisp from using a dummy for a very long time.

GlowingOrb · 13/11/2020 18:52

I used to believe in all sorts of rules. Then I had a child who needed me to break them. She never used a dummy, but I made plenty of other unpopular parenting choices. As long as there are no dental problems, I wouldn’t push this issue. I might at some point say I’m not buying any more replacements, but I’d give warning on that.

IrkedEssex · 13/11/2020 18:48

The removal of mine was very badly handled with much inconsistency. I was about 5. It would be removed "for ever" but then returned if I got in a big enough state. On nights I was allowed to have it I would use it and then hide it under my pillow. Sometimes it was there in the morning, sometimes it had disappeared. To this day I get very on edge if people meddle with my stuff without permission.

Silverstripe · 13/11/2020 18:37

Five really is too old for it. There comes a time where you have to recognise that the short term harm of stopping something is far preferable to the long term harm of allowing it to continue, even if it feels difficult at the time.

I would recommend cold turkey with a new toy bribe. He really will learn quickly.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 13/11/2020 18:29

Apart from the dummy, he's well ahead of a lot of children his age with most things.

Not sure what that has to do with anything, and probably not true, but yes get rid of the dummy.

Nottherealslimshady · 13/11/2020 18:28

My sister got her daughter to leave her bottles and dummies for santa to give to the baby reindeer. She got a little present off santa for it and went she changed her mind they were already gone and mummy couldn't ring santa to bring them back.

HarryHarryHarry · 13/11/2020 18:28

I think the main reason to take it away is for oral hygiene and dental reasons.

It might be less trouble than you think. I thought mine would go crazy when we took away his dummy but one day he chewed a hole in it and I just said “Oh it’s broken, we have to throw it in the bin” and he just accepted it!

Feministicon · 13/11/2020 18:26

God, I wish I could have a dummy 😀

Feministicon · 13/11/2020 18:25

But if he’s only having it briefly at night then I don’t think it should affect his teeth too mich

SimonJT · 13/11/2020 18:25

My five year old has one, he uses it during story time or when he isn’t feeling great. No issues with his teeth, bite etc.

BluebellsGreenbells · 13/11/2020 18:24

Why not tell him that dummy’s get replaced by gifts when he’s old enough to not need one anymore

You could leave 3 in his bed and swap one as a surprise and see why his reaction is

A little card saying now you’re a big boy you’ve earnt a gift

See if he talks about another one going?

It doesn’t have to be expensive