Living near parents

Oh no OP, x-post. I'm sorry things have gone so badly. I hope things settle quickly once they move in.

Depends on the relationship. My parents don't interfere, so it would be lovely to have them nearby rather than 2.5 hours away. ILs live near BIL and his family and they're all in and out of each other's houses all the time, decisions are made en masse etc, but they're all happy. We recently changed our car (one boring family car to another) and DH was getting loads of messages from FIL and BIL to rate our choice and send links to cars for sale near them, like we couldn't use Google. I love my ILs but any closer than half an hour and I'd lose my mind. Luckily DH agrees.

Omg, I would hate this. A lot of people would. Please don't feel guilty for voicing your concerns.

However, you really can't stop them... all you could do is move. I imagine that will be tricky right now. But you could move in a year or two, perhaps?

I can see why you might have concerns about them moving into the house opposite, but indeed I think you are being very precious about them living 2 miles away. What is considered an appropriate 'safe' distance?

I live a few mins walk away from mine (I actually moved to be closer), but they are hugely respectful of boundaries in general, and I don't feel it's suffocating or anything. If though this wasn't the case then nope I wouldn't be thrilled, I think however you feel about it is 'right', but unfortunately not much you can do to physically stop them.

Would you consider moving in the future?

always so the parents moving so close, really serves THEIR needs not ops. Op wants to have her young family life independently of her parents. Not unreasonably.

I would not like this, I love having my own life and freedom, and would find it very suffocating having my parents living virtually opposite!

I think you need to tactfully to tell them your concerns. I should think they are doing this purely for their own benefit, and seeing you as the help as they get older, and planning for a time when they are infirm. It is unfair to expect you to drop your life to serve them and their needs.

I also think it is odd and quite disrespectful that they haven't discussed it in advance with you already, and sounded out how you feel about it. Surely they know it would have an impact on your life. I wonder how your dh will feel about it?

I wouldn't say it was a given that op HAS to provide caring duties daily always that is quite a weighty expectation and some!
I did say 'may' - it's just something to consider, ie if OP was likely to be helping out her parents later on then it's something to factor in.

as when they get older and need more help you may end up having to drive back and forth every day

I wouldn't say it was a given that op HAS to provide caring duties daily always that is quite a weighty expectation and some!

I'm close to all my family but do not live physically close to any of them - different parts of the country, so we have our own friendship groups, own stories to tell, our own pubs to visit, different walks to take etc etc. When we meet up we have lots of stories to share we've not heard a thousand times before.
Downside was no childcare support, free babysitting etc, but the upsides outweigh it all and when we visit each other it's like a little holiday for each of us.
I guess it depends what you are used to.

I don’t think you’re being a spoilt brat. Only you know what your parents are like and whether they respect boundaries, are independent etc.
From your post, sounds like you need to give them a gentle nudge to consider other places so you can all maintain a good relationship.

We all live minutes walk away from one another. It's amazing. If we want to, we see one another easily. If we need support/help, it's easy. If we want to be independent and not so involved, we're not invading one another.

I think that if you raise this, you may unwittingly create a rift that never heals.

It would surely be preferable to support them but perhaps encourage them away from some homes...

I would like to be close but not too close. I'm talking maybe a five minute car drive as then it's not close enough for them to walk round all the time

My IL's live directly opposite MIL's DM. Believe me it's a burden on them. She expects them to do all sort of things for her. FIL gets roped into anything technical like problems with an iPad or sorting out a new broadband deal. We live twelve miles away but will be looking to move closer (four miles) in the next two years

My family are in the same village and I love it, especially being a single parent. It means I have help and company when needed and the children have extended family close by.

I would despise this. I moved to the other side of the country for a reason!

I can’t believe they would consider moving right across the road...

I had a very local MIL. Honestly it contributed to the end of my marriage. Calling in daily when I had a newborn with no respect and moaning about herself. I did raise it with ex DP but he refused to address it

Personally I would prefer it, as when they get older and need more help you may end up having to drive back and forth every day. My mum lives 40 mins away and it's a real pain - I wish she lived over the road!
But if they are the type that would interfere and just keep popping in unannounced I'm not sure I'd like it!

there is about 24 million houses/flats in england yet they choose a place in the same village thats not a coincidence!

Not exactly the same situation but my parents moved to a nearby town to my sister after she broke up with her husband. She stayed for about a year then moved away.
My mum is a bit bitter about living in a town she doesn't like.
No one knows what the future holds. Ask them how they would feel if you moved. Would they still be happy?

My parents-in-law live on the same street as us. We are number 32 and they’re number 51.

It’s amazing, so handy and there’s lots of positives to it.

We’ve lived on the same street for 10 years and I’ve never felt they were encroaching or too close.

indeed
What a nightmare!

I was going to say what @bluesky said. Especially as my kids are a little older i would be sending them to my parents here and there independently.

I absolutely agree I wouldn't wany.mum and dad on this road. I wouldn't want them to look out their curtains and see us.

My husband would also not want them calling too much uninvited.....but they already have a key to ours but don't use it unless we aren't home out of respect for us. I do the same at there's.

There are massive benefits to be had. You just need to speak to them about boundaries.

And at the end of the day you can't stop them - so make it work for you all by being honest.

Hello OP, I was wondering whether you spoke to your parents about it? I’m in the middle of a nightmare situation where my in laws decided to move to my village, I had the same feeling as you - really uncomfortable with it, it encroaches on our family space, feel really invaded etc.
I took a deep breath and told my DH how I felt, he totally understood, so hinted massively that other places would be better. His parents then didn’t pick up on those hints and put an offer in. DH then had a really frank and upsetting convo with them but they got angry and decided to buy the house anyway. Their view was that there was nowhere else suitable and I couldn’t expect to control where they live.
Ten months later (delayed due to covid), they are moving in next week, I am really upset about it, feel let down by both my DH and my in-laws. I don’t know how I am going to cope. I have tried to be reasonable but I have such a reaction to it. Mainly because FiL is a difficult man, is estranged from various family members due to his behaviour, and has no empathy for anyone else’s situation. He can never read the room, does whatever suits him, stays too long etc. For me it’s a privacy and independence thing, just cannot believe that anyone would do this without the blessing of the existing family. They have 4 houses already (rented out) so not like they have limited choices! Was happy with them moving closer just not within 2 miles of our house, where we share co-op, doctors, park, pubs etc!
Anyway. I was just wondering how your parents reacted to your concerns. I need to get some perspective - are my in laws unreasonable or am I??