HELP Can’t cope with my sons dad and the new woman he’s moved in

@Nomorepies never claimed to be clever. You need to research misogyny.

@lilmishap what the fuck? That's not what I meant at all. I meant it is to provide for the child. In whichever way necessary. I'd use it for bills if my son's dad paid or they made him pay. I was saying to claim it for her son's sake.

Isn't this a public forum? Apoligies if that isn't the case but I understood it to be a public forum where one could express an opinion?

I haven't been nasty to the OP gor Christ sake and I've advised what to do also. No need to attack me for disliking adult women being referred to like children. No one does it to men after all.

@Nomorepies I think you are the one who is confused about misogyny.

@chloe4612 it was a previous poster who used the word 'silly' as part of her suggestion on how to divert your DS from saying Mummy New-Woman, rather than just New-Woman. I think it's fine, but only if it is perfectly clear that's it's an affectionate tease about something unimportant (not a bad mind-set to foster within yourself)

That poster is however right in the bigger picture - your DS must not be left feeling bad about any of this, or that he needs to have split loyalties, or that he just thinks it's better to shut up rather than risk sticking his foot in it.

No matter how much it hurts, you need to remain as interested/uninterested as ever you were before in whatever happens at his DDad's. But of course you need to show you're not particularly interested in Daddy's new friend. The phrase 'that's nice, dear' and similar will be useful

He is being a good dad but you are asking for the bare minimum and he's announced he'll pay what he likes, he's moved a homeless stranger into his house and told your son to call her mummy despite not knowing how long she'll be around or how many other 'mummys' he'll introduce in the next few years let alone a lifetime.

Where are the 'good dad' bits?

@WaterOffADucksCrack
Oh yes do contact cms asap for maintenance it's your son's money
Should I be giving my kids the share of bills and shopping money they cost me then? Bore off.

Go to CMS regarding the money, he doesn't get to mess you about like this.

As for the mummy thing that would drive mad! I would approach ex about it, ask if he is ok with your DS calling your new partner daddy (if you get one). Also gently correct DS every time he says it.

Tell him you recently met a new bloke and will ask your son to call him daddy if he doesnt stop her asking to be called mimmy

Please don't call your child silly. He is doing what his dad has told him to, it isn't his fault.

Get maintenance formalised, don't tell him, and don't be so determined to be a "family" still that you take shit from him.

It must be really hard as everything was working out well beforehand. However, he is your ex for a reason, so it was really only a matter of time before he started letting you down again.

You can't control what he does, only your reaction to it.
(If it helps, think of how much he wants to control you, wants you to be upset by all of this. The BEST thing is to simply not let him. it will drive him crazy!)

Keep working on accepting how your situation has changed. It will take time but will get easier. Unfortunately, life isn't fair. Accepting the reality will result in you being much happier.

Calmly correct your son as others have said when he refers to her.

Contact CMS to ensure all future maintenance payments are as they should be (this is your ex controlling you again. You don't have to let him)

Be clear concise and direct in communication, via your dad. It takes 2 to argue. Don't.

He got to keep our family home, has a new bmw... he earns a good amount and I ask for the bare minimum for our son

Strongly suggest you steel yourself, and get a proper settlement based on his income. It is irksome that so many men seem to think that CNd assessed amount if somehow the 'true' amount, rather than being the legal minimum that should be enforced. But you should be getting at east that, paid regularly and on time.

i out it in these terms because you sound a bit passive there about the money, which is what you should be angry about. But angry about the new woman - which I was wondering if it is some sort of displaced hurt (subconscious or otherwise)

Sadly there’s not much you can do other than contact cm.

It’s up to him what he does with ds on the days he has them, up to him who lives in his house and around ds when he is with him.

All you can do is to correct ds and tell him to call her by her name. He knows you are his mum.

I know it feels rubbish, my ex has introduced 2 different women to my dc’s since we split but I just grit my teeth and say nothing. They have a good relationship with the gf he has at the moment and I’m not too bothered, I would rather they got on with her than didn’t.

I imagine there's something of an age gap between your ex and new GF and as the saying goes, there is no fool like an old fool. Could it be that this GF is very naive or very clever either way her and your ex need correcting about her being called Mummy. You also need to get yours and your DHs maintenance payments sorted out legally or he will forever blackmail you over them.

Well done for railroading the OPs thread, get a grip please. This is AIBU not the feminist board

It's a valid point, whatever the board. As MN is often talking about children, it's helpful to use the neutral normal term for a female child when you do actually mean a child.

Your ex is not your friend, and what you need to model to your DS is how to be civil and maybe even cordial to those you have to deal with. Not to pretend there is friendship where there is none.

Also, you do not have a family until. You have a coparenting arrangement, which has already foundered.

I agree - he is being monumentally stupid in moving someone in that precipitately. But the bottom line is that he can introduce whoever he wants during his time with his DS, and you cannot control that (just as he has no say in what you do with DS in your house in your time).

There is no suggestion that this woman (I am assuming she is not a girl) is harming your DS, you don't have a leg to stand on, and no matter how hurtful, just let it drop.

Paying CM properly and in full is however a battle that is worth winning, and I suggest you get CMS on to it asap

And agree with the suggestions above on how to get your DS to refrain from addressing anyone other than you as Mummy

Firstly if she's a girl you need to report him for being a paedophile. But I'm assuming she's a woman and you're being mysoginistic

Well done for railroading the OPs thread, get a grip please. This is AIBU not the feminist board 🙄

OP that sounds so hard, who is encouraging the use of mummy X? It’s totally inappropriate he shouldn’t even know she exists yet! I would maybe only allow supervised contact until you know so more about her. Imagine if it was the other way round and you’d moved a strange man in there would be absolute hell on!

Been there and it’s shit.
Just correct DS and say you have 1 mummy and daddy but daddy does have a friend (insert name here)

Call CMS get that sorted

I know it’s hard to come to terms with (especially if things have been civil before) but you can’t control what he does on his time so if your dad isn’t in danger there is not point wasting all that emotional energy on them! Also as soon as a new partner comes on the scene they usually become complete dicks rewriting history and being horrible. You just have to emotionally detach from it

Does he sound like hed be arsed to go to court? the fact he moved somebody in after 2 weeks on tinder would be enough to decide to protect my child.

Ahh yes, the snippy 1st responder they Ignore the actual post, focus on minutiae to berate op about. I see @WaterOff aDuckCrack is being a git.
It’s really a clunky form of bullying disguised as being exploratory
It’s really bad form to see an op in distress and pile in about an oblique point. I’m sure @WaterOffADucksCrack thinks she is justified and will undoubtedly dress this up as wholly necessary. Actually it’s utter BS

It’s up there with 1st responders who read a long fraught post and then say...oh paragraphs! Dreadful punctuation! I simply cannot read this