HELP Can’t cope with my sons dad and the new woman he’s moved in

@WaterOffADucksCrack - why the fuck would hearing about child abuse make me 'feel better'?! What an odd perspective. Most people hate it when girls are being 'adultilised'. I'm aware of the reaction you're hoping for but I cant give you that I'm afraid. I hope you're getting the help you need.

@Ohtherewearethen I don't think I've had a sheltered life. I am sensitive to certain issues due to being raped repeatedly for years since being a child if that makes you feel better.

@ Nomorepies pahaha

I would:

1. Ask DC why he is now referring to ex's gf as Mummy name.
2. Depending on the reason why, tell him not do so and explain what he should call her (by her first name?).

1. Contact CMS to sort out maintenance

1. Accept that you can't dictate who your ex introduces your son to, despite thinking you had an agreement, and ignore anything that is nitdetrimental to your DC.

He's not a great dad if he's making his child lie to his mum and keep secrets, that's fucking dangerous behaviour. Also not a good dad if he moves some random in after two weeks exposing his child to someone who could be completely unhinged for all he knows. Also not a good dad for (presumably) encouraging the use of "mummy x" to some random who could be moved out in a few weeks confusing the shit out of the poor child.

He's a dick OP I'm sorry you and your DS are being subjected to his twattery. This sort of thing is precisely why I'm dragging my heels on separating from my husband. I would be enraged in this sort of situation, can't bear the thought.

Hopefully your ex will start putting his child first and gets rid of the random soon!

Sounds so tricky OP

It's going to get more complicated if you don't disengage completely from the memory of the family you thought you had as quickly as possible.

With him being controlling and manipulative, the mummy thing and the code word (wtf?) sounds like he's used your son as a prop in his fledgling 'relationship'.

There's a really spiteful element to the little you've written about him, He knew you'd struggle yet he's ramped up the cruelty, he didn't 'accidentally' teach your son to call her that without realising it would be hurtful to you.

In the nicest possible way you need to stiffen your jaw and prepare for it to get worse.

It’s incredibly difficult to call someone a woman when they are acting like a child who is happy to instantly play ‘mummy’ to my son when he has a mum and a dad

But you need to. She is not a child, and at some point your DS is likely to have step parents.

Yes your ex has gone about this dreadfully, but you are wrong to infantilise a grown woman because you do not like the speed with which your ex has introduced her to his home life and how he supports it at least condones her way of doing things. What is happening here is far from childish, and it's not going to help you in the long run to let yourself see it that way.

@WaterOffADucksCrack there is always one person being arsey and today you when that award.....slow hand clap coming your way. Isn't there a Pendants Corner somewhere?

@WaterOffADucksCrack - you must have lived a very sheltered life if you've never heard of men saying they are having a boys' night out or that they are going out with the lads. That is pretty common in every place around the UK that I've lived. Granted, it's not a huge number of places but enough to know it's not just used in very local contexts. I say I'm seeing the girls or going out with the girls and am in WhatsApp groups labelled as xzy girls. Your personal preference for nouns is not everybody else's responsibility to adhere to. You knew full well what the OP meant, you just couldn't wait to stick the pedantic/obtuse boot in.

OP, your ex sounds like he has lost his mind! What on earth is he thinking?! What is this new girlfriend's (sorry, womanfriend - waterofaduckscrack might call the police on anyone who uses the term boy/girlfriend for being paedophiles) motive I wonder? I think you just need to keep reminding your son that he has just one mummy and one daddy and anyone else who isn't in his family (nanny, grandad, auntie, etc) are just called their names. Even if his dad insists on it, help him understand that. It must be infuriating that your son is being exposed to what will probably end up a complete disaster but you are limited as to what you can do from your end unfortunately. I'd just work on helping your son understand what relationships are and what is going on with his dad and his new friend. And definitely get a formal arrangement for child maintenance, yes.

Yes you're allowed an opinion. And we're allowed to have an opinion that you're doing the 'first response sticking the boot in' thing that you would never dare saying to OP's face in real life.

Jesus ignore the derailing OP.

Definitely go through CM. You tried to keep in nice - it didn’t work.

In your situation if your ds calls her mummy again I’d just keep gently reminding him that your mummy. She is just xxxx

Try not let it get to you. Keep working in your relationship with your dc

OP, basically he has moved on now and you haven’t

The problem is when a relationship ends but you still try to be a family - it doesn’t work when one partner meets someone .

You need to accept that old family unit has gone and establish a new co parenting relationship with your ex

@midnightgrace 👍🏽

But I'm assuming she's a woman and you're being mysoginistic.

FFS This is nonsense. Absolute rubbish. The word loses it's meaning when used incorrectly.

OP

Start calling the postman "Daddy Brian" (or whatever- make something up). See what your ex thinks of that.

(Actually - not really. It's using your child as a weapon - but I bet your ex wouldn't like it)

@WaterOffADucksCrack
Jeez, woman, stop making this about you.
OP, I feel for you, it's hurtful. Get your business head on and deal with the money side and contact.

Just a point, my husband x-wife had a total tantrum and stormed off as apparently her daughter called me 'mummy name', but this was nothing we had taught her to say, sometimes kids are just trying to make sense of their world, there is no need to trash you x or your kid over saying that. I completely understand why your anxious about him moving in a new girlfriend so quickly though.

@SchadenfreudePersonified cool

@lilmishap and that has what to do with what you originally said? 😂

Wind your neck in!

You would have read the title which includes the word Woman.
You knew what was meant and just felt like having a snark.
.