To ask why no one tells you how shit it is having children?

"DH we need to have a talk. It's not appropriate for me to be helping DS with toileting now he's getting older. It really needs to be you helping him with this now."

And then get him to do it. Even if your DH does it really poorly the first few times, don't give in. This bit is now his job.

Your husband sounds a disgrace. Next time your son has an accident. Hand him rubber gloves and walk away

Sums it up

Totally agree with this. My mother was like this too and it has done long term damage. I was aware that neither of my parents wanted me really . They were too young and immature to cope when I was born. Initially I was treated as a dolly, then when the appeal wore off I was ignored or ridiculed.
You sound like you really love your kids and are doing your best OP. Anyone in your position who has a husband who is a lazy selfish arsehole would feel as you do. I think if you took him out of the equation or he actually supported you and acted like part of the family, things would be very different. Don’t let your kids feel they are a burden and an encumbrance. Sort out your marriage so they aren’t the casualties.

Is it not more life as a sen parent. Rather than just kids. I adore my kids but my god I'd whip away the sen in a moment as makes things 10x harder for them

To all the parents who feel like this I have something to say. My mother had me and was not maternal at all. I grew up knowing she didnt want a child and how bored she was. I wasnt a difficult child but I knew my place. Please remember children don't ask to be born. Parents make that choice.
I have kids of my own now. Obviously I have days I just cant be arsed. I have days when I just want to stay in bed. But what goes on in my head does not effect my children. I do not let them hear me say it, I do not let them believe they are an inconvenience. Kids grow into adults and believe me when I say It can have a long lasting effect on your self esteem.

Speak to your husband but do so when they children arent there. Hes being unfair but that's not their fault. None of it is their fault.

Just wanted to say again OP, you have a DH problem. Nothing you have posted says you will be happier to stay with him. Leaving is hard but it means yoU will get a break one night a week and you won’t actually be doing any more child care than you are doing now.

You either get divorced and some free time, or he realises he’s a dick and needs to pull his weight and he changed and your life is better.

Oh ffs, people talk about the shitness All The Time. MN is full of it, print media,TV, social media, books, comedy, plus every parent ever talks about the difficulties involved ..everywhere you could possibly look there is endless talk about the difficult side of having children.

But it’s all tempered with “but it’s so so worth it”. What if you genuinely feel it isn’t?

Oh ffs, people talk about the shitness All The Time. MN is full of it, print media,TV, social media, books, comedy, plus every parent ever talks about the difficulties involved ..everywhere you could possibly look there is endless talk about the difficult side of having children. On what planet have you been living that you think everyone says its all amazing and wonderful?

To be fair, people talk about the exhaustion and stress side of parenting but I don't feel the boredom and numbness that OP is struggling with is widely talked about at all.

Why don't you lose your shit and tell him to get up and do something? You keep posting about how he does nothing and how ground down you are but you've never responded to say that he just refuses? If that's the case then leave fgs. Stop putting up with his shit.

Why does everyone pretend it’s this amazing wonderful thing when actually it’s just relentless boredom and worry and doing things you don’t want to all the time

Oh ffs, people talk about the shitness All The Time. MN is full of it, print media,TV, social media, books, comedy, plus every parent ever talks about the difficulties involved ..everywhere you could possibly look there is endless talk about the difficult side of having children.

On what planet have you been living that you think everyone says its all amazing and wonderful?

There is a pool of work to be done which includes your paid work, your husband's paid work, the domestic work and organisation, and the unpaid childcare. When your husband is not doing paid work, there is still plenty of work left in the pool. It should be split 50/50 until it is completed, at which point you both are 'off'.

Obvs there are sometimes crises or unusual circs - but generally, that is the only fair way to do it. I don't think having a more 'pressurised' job should change that by a huge margin - the feeling of relentless pressure when one's work is never-ending is also very stressful. It evens out, more or less.

You are literally doing all the shitwork - why is that? The only logical conclusion is that he thinks you're worth shit.

Ask your husband why he thinks it's ok for his working day to end when he leaves work but yours ends at 10pm? Is he one of those men that say 'ask me what to do and I'll do it '?

Did he want children? Because it doesn't look like it. Are there any decent fathers in your social circle or family that could have a serious chat with him?

Also agree with PP that you've set your bar too low with him, what's with the laughing emoji after you've described how shit he is?

Personally, I have hard days, bad and good days. My LO is only 1 but I definitely have amazing times with her. She's funny and great to be around. Yes, she can be hard work. And tantrums. But I definitely get joy from spending time with her

His being full time doesn't give him carte blanche to lie on the sofa when there are children to be put to bed, shopping to put away and dishes to wash. Even if you were a SAHM, it still wouldn't give him carte blanche to do absolutely nothing when your child has an accident or you're trying the difficult task of getting them to bed while there's obvious work to be done.

Honestly, OP, I can't say how you would feel about parenting in other circumstances, but your lazy exploitative husband is definitely making it all much worse.

I believe profoundly that if you got rid of your husband, life would improve appreciably - particularly your inner ability to cope.

Your partner isn't a partner at all, he's a lazy arse.

Imo as soon as there is two of you at home everything becomes 50:50 childcare, cooking, cleaning etc. Just because he works a few hours more than you doesn't give him the right to treat you as a skivvy

No it's not okay for the partner who works more to do fuck all around the house. How dare he? I'd rather be single than live with a man like that.

That sounds really tough OP. Especially the late night/early morning as you get no break.

Don't believe everything on FB though. My friend posts filtered, lovely things every week but admits it's the rare moments everyone wasn't driving her insane.

You may have a reactive depression, OP, meaning that you are depressed because life is so hard. So it's not that you hate parenting because you are depressed: you are depressed because parenting is so hard. Treatment for depression may help with how you feel, even though it can't take away the difficulties of your situation.

I also agree with all those saying that you would be better off divorced than living with such a useless twat of a DH.

I also wonder what is stopping you from telling your DH that you’ve had enough of his lazing around.
I get that he works full time and you work part time but does he not engage with anything?
If your DH is seriously stupid and cannot work out what needs to be done, tell him that certain jobs are his from now on.

Why do people kerp deciding the OP has 3 children? She has two children and an absolute cock womble waste of space husband; are people including him in the child headcount? I guess that makes sense...