To ask if you think SAHMs are lazy?

[quote Mella91]@IceSkater Wow. As a working mum, I got tired just reading that!!!!

as for me

9am - work
4pm - back home (house cleaned, food cooked by nanny)
5pm - 1 hour rest with DS
6PM - Dinner
6.30-8pm - quality time with DS and his bedtime.
8pm to 11pm - leisure.

Guess who's schedule is 'lazy'[/quote]
I'm a working mum and tbh do alot of what ice Skater does as well as my work as I am luckily able to be a bit flexible and do some work early morning/evening. I also do chores at night after work. We are all different. Only lazy people are lazy. For me it isnt a sahm/working mum thing.

SIX figure salaries.

Sorry, I'm just sticking up for a branch of SAHPs who get stick all the time on here from people suggesting they're lazy and making excuses not to get a job, and that their working spouse is controlling and equally full of excuse why they can't get involved in childcare. Been there, done that, and it's very tiresome explaining to people who have preconceived ideas about what your life involves.

@innerspinner 🙌

Good point @innerspinner the wife is clearly married to a shit who is financially abusive.

Who cares about this job, that job, flexible / non-flexible yadda yadda. What does this have to do with the OP who is (SAHM, WOHM, flexi- time mum or whatever you will) married to a bloody lunatic who thinks it’s all fine and normal to give your wife an allowance?! Give me strength.

@CheetasOnFajitas that makes sense.

I'm also aware that in many careers, the higher up you go the more you can work flexibly/get juniors to do the grunt work. I guess these are roles that are done during office/daytime hours. With some working from home in the evening when required.

Equally there are many that CAN'T. There are also plenty of jobs which have high responsibility and lack of flexibility which sadly are not figure salaries either.

Your husband has brainwashed you into believing you’re less than. Chances are he would be just as dismissive of your efforts if you were a part-time worker earning, say, 30k.

I would leave in a heartbeat.

[quote pollypork]@CheetasOnFajitas I think my cousins firm (MC) actually try & avoid going to court, she definitely does! [/quote]
That’s something different @pollypork- if you work in a dispute resolution role the strategy is usually to only go to court/tribunal if all else fails. However there are lots and lots of lawyers who never get involved in disputes full stop (apart from the compulsory 6 months when they are trainees) - most of the MC firms are majority transactional/advisory lawyers.

It’s all been said really, but as a SAHP myself, I have to say that I don’t understand why anyone would generalise one persons job over another. I literally do 90% everything in our house from cleaning to DIY, gardening and car maintenance and it’s 7 days a week. There are lazy people in life wether they get paid for it or not. As for finances, we’re a family...the money goes in one pot. End of. It’s not about ‘I earned this so it’s mine’. You’re sacrificing a career and your own ability to earn in order for your husband to work. If you worked there would be childcare costs for instance that he would have to contribute to and as a percentage, not half and half. The balance of support and power in your marriage is not in your favour. I couldn’t be in a partnership where one person does not acknowledge my valuable contribution.

I hope that collectively, the advice given by everyone before me, helps you.

Not all lawyers go to court. There is a whole branch of the profession that does non-contentious advisory and transactional work.

Yes, I'm well aware of that, thankyou. I know people with those types of jobs in law. My point was that so many people seem to be saying that men (or women who are the main earner for that matter) are just making an excuse if they say their job doesn't fit with childcare. There are PLENTY of jobs where is it genuinely difficult. It doesn't matter how much you say it on here, though, as a SAHM, you still get people piling on saying "well, I'm sure he could if he tried harder." These people have no imagination.

Hear hear @G5000. @CurlyhairedAssassin rather hilariously proves her own point that most people do not know what other people’s jobs involve.

Strange how many people think that high earning jobs and flexibility can not possibly go hand-in-hand- not sure why those describing this from personal experience would have any reason to lie. It stands to reason- the more senior you are, the more you are in control of your own diary and the more juniors you have to delegate things to.

@CheetasOnFajitas I think my cousins firm (MC) actually try & avoid going to court, she definitely does!

Apart from what my DH does, I can think of plenty of roles in which it's genuinely difficult to get off early to pick the kids up. Please engage your brain a bit more, it's so depressing....

And clearly you have no idea what other types of roles involve. Not everybody is working 6 month shifts on an oil rig in the middle of the North Sea and Ally McBeal is not a documentary either. If you tried that thinking and engaging thing you so warmly recommend, you might realise here are plenty high paying roles that offer flexibility, even if your personal husband's allegedly does not.

Most high earners don’t work a 9-5 job with flexi time that allows them to drop off or pick up their children from school.

Is there evidence of this?
Ime the higher up you are the easier it is to wfh/have flexi time & that was pre Covid.

• I know plenty of lawyers on much more than 100k who have that sort of flexibility.

And if they're presenting in court you would like them to tell the judge to halt proceedings as they need to go and pick their sick child up from school? Honestly. THINK, people!!!*

Think about what? My cousin is a solicitor & earns 6 figures. She has good flexibility.

I used to work in a private school & many of the parents were high earners. Pretty much all juggled the pick ups/drop offs between them.

Of course in some circumstances it's difficult for both parents to work but in many circumstances it's not.

Remember not tenner bloody auto correct 🙄

not really if you have a happy family life and go to the Maldives for new year and the Seychelles for the summer!! I’m loving my life

But are your children.

You might be in the same house or room as your children but can you honestly say you are present

I would bet your children would prefer Centre Parks to a couple of weeks in the Maldives (I have been to the Maldives. It is beautiful but I couldn’t take more than a week. Apart from the beach and the snorkelling what is there for children)

It sounds more like you want to go away to relax after your 59 hour weeks.

CurlyhairedAssassin I have learned that the expression ‘Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear’ should be applied to these sort of threads. 😀

Sounds like a line he’s fed to you to put down your self worth to be honest.
It’s both your money he shouldn’t be treating you like a child.
I was in a financial and emotionally abusive marriage so maybe I’m a bit hyper sensitive but I tenner being “given“ money And I had to cover my DC and myself with that allowance whilst he spent “his” money on whatever he wanted I never had enough for niceties only the basics.
And in answer to your OP no I don’t think sahm are lazy.

@CayrolBaaaskin

used to work in the city in a high paid role - none of the women in similar roles had sahds but some of the men did. Seems that when women have these roles, they manage to juggle the kids but men not so much.

True dat!

If you’ve got the expertise, your the one holding the reigns on how and when you’re available.

Not another one.....

I'm not going to read any more. I find it shocking how unaware some people are.