To ask if you think SAHMs are lazy?

And of course, for many of us, both working outside the home and not, the 'choice' aspect is somewhat illusory, more being forced by circumstances.

As others have said this is a big issue & I would prefer a system where women who wanted to work could afford too & women who wanted to stay at home could afford too & parents who wanted more of a balance could also afford too.

I am definitely lazy house wife. 😂 Work in the office not for me.

Most SAHM's are adults with reasonable capacity, though, I would have thought.

I'm sure they are. I don't think many people expect their partners to be shit & marriages to end & they often inadvertently end up in a position they didn't sign up for much like the OP. Therefore I think it's ok to highlight the potential pitfalls.

You should claim the child benefit for NI credits that count toward the state pension. Please tell me you’ve kept up the NI contributions?

Oh, I don't disagree that there are legitimate concerns. Most SAHM's are adults with reasonable capacity, though, I would have thought.

Of course, there are legitimate concerns with every life path, including being a full-time working parent with kids, with or without a partner.

Whether it's a high powered job you have, or a barely keeping a roof over your head and food on the table job.

And of course, for many of us, both working outside the home and not, the 'choice' aspect is somewhat illusory, more being forced by circumstances.

Plus simultaneously telling others to be secure in their choices but labelling all concerns as faux & motivated by jealously is a tad hypocritical.

You’re entitled to half of his pension.

Wow, I earn way less than your DH and have way more disposable income. Your financial set up is not normal. You’d be better off divorcing him and getting child maintenance plus benefits if you cannot fond work straight away.

I have no clue why anyone is bothered by what other people do unless they feel insecure about their own choices.

I think that if you're secure in your choices you can defend them without putting down others so agree in some part.

However I think denying that they are some legitimate concerns as often posted on these boards by people with lived experience is disingenuous.

I'm in my 30s & my friendship group has now started to go through the separating/divorce part of life. One close friend divorced last yr which was my first real experience of it (even though my parents are separated). It was actually quite eye opening & did make me think more about financial security.

I'd say there's a fair amount of condescending contempt attempting to masquerade as concern. . .

• The insecurity of some women stands out 100 miles - the fact that they even need to comment on the lifestyles of other families and if the whole “faux concern” thing is an utter joke.

Is every concern faux?

None of the SAHMs I know need any so-called concern, thankyou very much.

Same here but I'm not sure that's a true representation of the UK. I don't think most people in the UK earn millions & of those that do they are all married to SAHMs

I don't respect people who cannot be respectful of other people not living according to their creed.

That's okay, we can agree to respectfully mutually disrespect one another!

Some SAHPs are lazy. Some are not.

Some right lazy arsed gits in paid employment. Some are not.

These always turn into a SAHM vs working mum, it's uneccessary. The only time I feel sorry for a woman is when they are forced into a decision they don't have any choice over, other than that we all do the best we can for ourselves and our families; whether thats being at home or going to work. Everything has a risk.

As if any woman who is fortunate to have the choice not to work, gives a hoot about what some other woman thinks. The insecurity of some women stands out 100 miles - the fact that they even need to comment on the lifestyles of other families and if the whole “faux concern” thing is an utter joke.

None of the SAHMs I know need any so-called concern, thankyou very much. As for being “anti feminist,” well very evidently, s high proportion of women who are in a position to SAH have more choices in life and going into the future than 99% of women in the UK. Whether this is smart decision-making or luck, who can say? But nobody is forcing them to be home. They are lucky to have the choice. And yes, not everyone works 9-5 and many of these women have met their DHs at uni or before these men happened to be in a position to make a lot of money. Money buys choice and if you know you have a certain level of wealth as a family because of the decisions you have made as a couple to prioritise the opportunities of the high-earner, then you are entitled to live the life you want. If your DH has made millions and you have supported him doing that, the money will not just be sat there will it? It will be in investment portfolios and assets in both your names. Women make decisions in totally different circumstances. To be perfectly honest, many of the highest earning men may well tend to have SAHWs for a period, but also they themselves will retire early too. You see plenty of self-made millionaires who are retired or semi-retired in their 40s / 50s because they get to a point when they can let their money work for them or pick and choose some consultant roles or similar. So, to all intents and purposes, they are both “at home.” They must both be lazy then.

And yes of course I do realise that being a SAHM can limit the choices for women in less financially-stable circumstances - but this is precisely why not many of women SAH these days! You only do what you can afford to do - it’s like anything else. But even if they do decide to prioritise being around for their kids for a given period and take the financial risk, so what? It’s their life and nobody else’s business. People have different priorities.

@dontdisturbmenow again, maybe this is your choice but not theirs? Why does it matter to you if they feel like making a sacrifice to have time with their kids now might mean not as financially stable later? I just think it’s not up to us to judge individual choices.

@GeorginaTheGiant no, I doubt that many feel respected but this is also in part due to posters (like the above) making these comments. The role is just not valued, universally. In an ideal world we would all be cheered and supported for making the choices that are important to us, not just by our partners but by our female friends and peers. Making comments like ‘I don’t respect any SAHM’ and thinking you are the worlds greatest feminist is missing the point. Hugely.

Embracelife

Do you honestly believe that a guy who would stop his contribution towards clothing and feeding his children and not pay a penny towards childcare if his wife started a job is going to cook for himself even if it was just a ready meal.

Interested to know if you went back to work f/t to when your youngest child reaches 11 years old that could mean you are paying for childcare for much more than 11 years. If you are going into debt for that number of years even when they are in secondary school you could be many years just paying off the debt.
What happens when you can’t run up anymore debt.

why should it be all about finances? We live in a world we’re we are all forced to think that we need more money, a bigger car, a better holiday, a fancy house
It's not about money for more material things, but money for future security.

The investment my OH and I made mean that we will both be able to retire at 55 and enjoy a decent quality life. I would dread to think that my OH would need to continue to work FT until he is 68 or having to reduce his hours significant and struggling to pay our bills because I chose to be a sahm for however long.

Of course this doesn't apply to sahms who go back to a decent ft pay job after a few years, but my experience of colleagues and friends who gave up a decent job to be a sahm, none have gone back ft if at all, and of those who've gone back to, less than a handful have progressed up the ladder.

That's really neglect. Why is he not buying the food and your phone etc himself?

Tbh you would be better off on your own on Universal Credit with putting him on child support (I think its 20 or 25 percent of his weekly wages). But that's just my opinion.

Hell no, not lazy. But I do think they've left themselves very vulnerable and dependent on the whims of whatever man they've chosen. I just hope they've chosen well and then it's not a real problem.

Funding not finding ffs

Why assume SAHM’s aren’t financially independent? I was a SAHM after my first DS due to my own money I’d made before I married. But you’d have looked down your nose at me because you’d automatically assume my husband was finding that?

Well my definition of feminism is women being financially independent and in control of their destinies