To ask if you think SAHMs are lazy?

I was always a SAHM. DH was a high earner and it suited us both for me to be at home. When DD went to school I did all the housework, planned meals and so on. However I also had a very nice life, could pretty much buy and do what I wanted, within reason.
I'm just a bit surprised you're short of money!? Just enjoy you're free time, you sound like a bit of a martyr OP

I think SAHM who look after pre-school children are AMAZING, I go to work for the break! Looking after children that age is 24/7 job with no lunch hour, holiday or pay.

Once the children are at school I’m just jealous of the free time. So definitely don’t think they’re lazy just mad different choices.

Honestly, value yourself and your contribution more.

Why are you short of money when your husband would not have the career he does without you facilitating his family life?

I’m a full time parent and own my own business
I’m not really sure how to unpick this but it’s very contradictory.

Divorce him and get half of everything, savings, house and pensions. That's the best way to get your dignity back.

He's financially abusing you.

Why don’t you have a mortgage? Is the house 100% in his name?

OP I want to hug you. This does not sound good at all. You should be living comfortable and well. It is a partnership and he earns a excellent wage with no mortgage.

This is not good for your self esteem. You should feel loved, respected and supported. You don't sound happy and this is not right.

Have you spoke to Anyone about this in real life?

Do you want to stay with your husband?

FFS OP please re-read your own posts.

He doesn't see his earnings as family money - even though you have facilitated his career at the cost of your own saving him ££££s in childcare fees, housekeeping and more.
He can afford whatever he needs whilst giving you and DCs an "allowance" and doesn't want you to ask for more.
When you worked PT YOU were expected to pay for before and after school clubs - even though they are his DCs too!
When you worked all of the housekeeping and childcare was still on your shoulders.

He's a financially abusive tightwad.

In a healthy relationship all the money would be joint, all the bills , groceries, car petrol/insurance and expenses like DCs clothes, childcare and so on would come out of there, you would put whatever you mutually decided into savings/pensions and then you would both have the same amount of spending money.

This is not ok.

I bet what ever you go out and earn he will reduce his payment by

I’m a full time parent and own my own business. I’m amazing I can do both

He is financially abusing you. What are you getting out this marriage?
You seem to be treated like an employee.

As in you have a right to his pension, which I am sure will be a substantial amount.

How much is the house worth?

If everything he earns is his. Then surely you can just go and get a f/t job and everything you earn is yours.
And dc can look after themselves and if they want to eat then they can go get a job.

Seriously If you weren’t there what do you think your husband would get for £600 per month in terms of childcare, transport to and from childcare, entertainment, food, cooking and cleaning and the 24 hour job you do making sure everything runs like clockwork that allows him to do his £100,000 per year job.

If you divorced at the very least you would get 1/2 the proceeds of the house and CM would be more than you are getting now off him and you get Eow off and he can look after the children.
Plus whatever you earn isn’t going to prop him up.

This isn’t really about whether stay at home parenting is lazy but more about you feeling valued in your marriage.

I was a sahm when dc were young and we were starting a new business. Dh was the one working all hours whilst I cared for dc and kept house. However we had a joint account and I had access to it as needed without any comment from dh.

Now dc are at secondary school and our business has grown. I am still at home but do the general admin for business, have a pension with it and 50% of everything in it.

I feel valued by dh and he has never made a comment about me being at home. We are definitely a team and that’s what you need to get with your dh....

Don't worry roo much on the pension, in the divorce it's an asset that you have a right too.... As is the house with no mortgage. Your actually in a better position when you think of it like that.

It's such an open question, I'm not sure what you're really asking. I'm a SAHM, youngest is 10 so they're both at school. I am far from lazy though: I do the school run (oldest is at secondary so further away and a total of two hours driving) and I do most of the housework and cooking although we use a gardener. I'm also supporting both my elderly parents who don't live together, so a huge amount of running around and doing three lots of paperwork and three lots of housework. My husband does a lot but he's also recovering from open heart surgery. Plus taking my parents to appointments etc as they're both wheelchair bound. But when I get a chance I embrace a little laziness everyone's lives are different so it's not a very helpful thread.

If you can't get a job right now, what about doing some online learning to update your skills? Something that will help you towards getting back into the workplace and improve your self esteem.

I personally have no views either way on whether SAHM are lazy or not. As long as you are happy with your choices then it should all be fine - but I don't think you are, and I think it's because your husband makes you feel that way? He's certainly on the mean side and that, for many women, is a massive red flag.

Firstly - IMO SAHM's are most DEFINATELY not in the slightest bit lazy.
Christ, looking after children is bloody exhausting.
Secondly, I think it would be good for you to look for a full time job that you will enjoy - give you self esteem etc AND your own money. It is disgusting that your partner is giving you (what sounds like) pocket money/a paltry 'allowance'. He(the controlling arsehole) can pay for full time childcare and a cleaner. Good luck xxx

C*amobag...

Does your DH have a pension ? Then you do too !!
*
Pension sharing on divorce which EXACTLY what I would be planning.

Get squirrelling !

Payslips
Proof of his employment
Bank account numbers
Savings location
Isa's
Shares

Photographing high value items

House deeds (doesn't matter if you are on them or not) you are married.
Just whom the Mortgage is with.

Marriage cert
Kids birth certs.

Gather all this together and go see a lawyer.
Some will give you a free session to help you understand your position without having to make a decision. Shop around.

Find out where you stand legally.
Knowledge is power and you are beaten down because you don't know your rights and entitlements .

Get KNOWLEDGE and depending on how he will react either TELL him to start treating you like an equal partner or leave, divorce and be MUCH better off in money and happiness.

SAHMs are not lazy. Looking after children is a job...childcare. It’s just a job some people choose to outsource.

My DH is currently a SAHP. We have the same allowance amount every month for clothes haircuts and tech or whatever.
Everything else in a joint account for bills, kids expenses and food/fun etc.
An agreed amount goes into savings each month for holidays and other long term aims.
We both have our own pensions from work. Suspect his is better than mine but that's the luck of the draw with an employer sometimes, and I've moved around more.
Nothing has changed since he became unemployed except both our allowances have reduced to meet reduced income.

Try to have a discussion about how other people do this. It will tell you all you need to know I suspect.

So he has all the disposable income and you are at his mercy?

Lazy is not the word. Cornered, used, taken advantage of seem more fitting :-/

And NO Sahm are not lazy purely because they're a Sahm.

Some are, some wohp are lazy too

But not because of their working/not working status