To ask if you think SAHMs are lazy?

I don’t think SAHMs are lazy but I think your particular situation is shit because your husband is being tight fisted and unreasonable. You should have access to the money - you’re contributing to your household just as much as he is. You shouldn’t be struggling to get by while he has plenty, that is beyond absurd.

You have SAHM guilt OP. I had it too once. When my DD was 12 months, even though my DH earned enough that I didn’t have to work, I convinced myself that I needed to find a job (previous job not viable with kids). I felt terrible guilt for not working, like I was not contributing to society or something!
I found one for a while until I fell pregnant again but I look back now 10 years later and am like WTF? No I really shouldn’t have felt guilty. My daughter was only 12 months! Still a baby! Perfectly reasonable to want to stay home with her if I wanted to (which I did but some sort of mus guided guilt got me)
If you want to be a SAHM and you can afford to, do it. Please don’t feel guilty. The child years go past so so quickly and there is nothing like being able to go to every drop off and pick up, every assembly, help in trips and be there for your children when they get in from school.
It’s an extremely valuable job and one that is sadly overlooked in today’s society. Please don’t underestimate the power of being present for your child, even when they start school.

He sounds dreadful & you really, really don't have to put up with it.

Consult a lawyer & get what you deserve

I feel for you OP, this is sad. It sounds like although he's given you the £600, he's taken everything else from you. He's on over 100k and he's only giving you that? If it's 'family' money, then it should be in a joint account you BOTH have access too. You mentioned if you went back to work you'd have to pay for childcare, but the children have TWO PARENTS, it is not your sole responsibility to ensure they have somewhere to go.

SAHM are not lazy, I've just gone back to work from mat leave and honestly, it's nice to have the break. Hats off to you for doing that day in and day out because it's hard.

Start to rebuild your life, get a job, start saving for a pension and get the hell out of there.

Depends what a SAHM does. I’ve not held a job for 20 years but I’ve built a house, started a small business and retrained in a new field...my days are future are busy.

This is such a sad thread. Whilst he is clearly financially abusive it sounds as if he has destroyed you OP completely and taken all your self worth and left you thinking everything he has is his

It isn’t. Who enables him to work, who looks after him

I would leave and get what you deserve both in terms of happiness and financially

I'd get a job and then divorce him.

Get a job and leave. Sounds like your given a little allowance and he lives off his large income with no mortgage. Sounds pretty awful and one of the reasons I could never be a SAHM as I want to ensure I am financially independent and have my own pension. Your sound like he has treated you the mother of his children like hired help and a cleaner. Cleaners where I am earn around 12 pound an hour and childcare would be thousands a month. You need to start seeing your worth in this relationship...and I say relationship in the loosest of terms

So When you are working OP, you have to pay ALL the childcare costs and he pays fuck all?! have I understood that correctly?

Bloody hell, OP. This is not great, is it?

It sounds to me like you are treated like a second class citizen, a low paid worker. Imagine what he'd pay for childcare, cleaner, cook. It's going to be massively more than £600 a month, isn't it? He's using (I would say abusing) you.

You are equal to your husband. You are entitled to share his wealth, it's your family wealth.

How is he in other areas of your life? Is he controlling?

She's married to someone who earns £100K a year, she shouldn't be worrying about what her state pension will be. Bloody hell.

I don't know what kind of man can earn that much money and watch his wife struggle to afford a haircut and pay for the children's clothes and groceries out her miserly allowance, but it sure as shit isn't a decent loving one.

Oh love! This post is so sad. Laziness or not has literally nothing to do with what is going on. He's financially abusive. It's not a privilege to stay at home and look after your child if you've had to give up work because you had to pay for all the childcare.

How is the relationship otherwise? Do you love a man who can do this to you?

If you are in UK, I believe that you need 35 years of National Insurance contributions to claim a full state pension. Current age to claim is 68+

Check your National Insurance contributions via www.gov.uk using your NI number
It will show you exact amounts per year
Even if you are not claiming child benefit money, you can still claim the National Insurance contributions.
You can also check the estimated date that you can claim your state pension & estimate of how much

Information is power

If you get a job, he should pay atleast half of the childcare

I'm currently a SAHM on maternity, but will continue once that period ends.

My DH "pays me a wage" to run the home - housework, childcare, home admin all come under my remit of "work" while he (usually) works out of the home.
From that wage, I don't pay any household bills (utilities or food for example) I use it for my mobile phone bill, hair or nail appointments, gifts for others, clothes, etc.

This is an agreement we made prior to having DD, we both agreed and it started prior to even becoming pregnant.
We also have a pre nup that covers child maintenance, potential school fees and what money I can/can't have a claim on should we get divorced.

I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who didn't think I was "worthy" of spending money on as easily as he spends money on himself (using your iPad example here)

Do you stop being a parent when you go to work? Touché. So I guess we are all full time parents. But I do think that “outsourcing” is an appropriate term for parents who pay someone else for childcare. Childcare not being the same as parenting of course.

No SAHM aren't lazy. You sound like you keep busy. Had you been working in lockdown then he would have had to stay home with children.
£600 would be ok as spends for all 3 of you. However to buy petrol, car insurance etc is something that should come out of a 'house' budget. Same as the food.
£100k and no mortgage is maybe £5k a month after tax? What's happening to it all? Even if bills came to say £1k plus your £600?
Who owns house?
I think you need to work to get some independence & feel safe. You won't have to keep asking for money then.

If you get a job you BOTH share the childcare costs from joint money

Go see a lawyer
You wouldget more if you divorce

There are two issues here.

One is the more general question you've posed, which is unanswerable. Some SAHPs work incredibly hard- parents of children with disabilities, parents who have disabilities themselves but still care for children, parents with several babies and pre-schoolers, single parents with no support, parents whose partners work away leaving them with no support, parents who are looking after their own children and parents or other relatives.

Life does get easier for SAHPs once children start school, whereas it doesn't get any easier for working parents, as generally childcare still needs to be juggled around school hours.

However, your particular case sounds like financial abuse is a possibility. You don't have access to family money- and don't forget that if you weren't a SAHP your husband would have to contribute to childcare costs.

You don't have access to £600 per month if you are required to spend most of that on food, household expenses and the children's clothing and costs. The children are equally your husband's responsibility. All those expenses should be coming from a household account which you both contribute to, with both of you having access to an agreed amount of spending money.

I didn't work until my youngest went to school then only agency round my hubbya job .but that is a choice we made and we made nowhere near your hubby's wage .but my hubby saw his wages as family income I did 90percent of childcare and all the housework. So my contribution was as valid as his .and the fact he thought that children should always be looked after by there mum and not go to childcare but that's another story .my grown sons laugh at his attitude now .and he is only 55

‘Outsourcing’ ‘full time mummy’ are just jibes that other women give to working mothers

No one stops being a full time parent when they go to work.

You are a full time parent even if you work full time.

Your a SAHP if you choose to stay home with the kids.

Are lazy

Some SAHMs are last some aren't. Like the rest of us. If you are happy with your lot find. Why are you short of money when your DH is quite a high earner. Is he mean.

That’s not to say that I think of SAHPs as lazy, btw - I was raised by one and have huge respect for their hard work.

I think what we call ‘laziness’ isn’t necessarily something to be looked on with contempt. If someone opts for an easier life, and they’re not riding along on someone else’s coattails - i.e. both partners are happy with the situation, neither feeling that there’s any element of unfairness afoot - why not? Things can be unequal in certain terms but fair overall. (Though if one partner did voice concerns, those should always be taken seriously, naturally.) We recruit human labour to serve the endless expansion of economic growth; personal fulfilment isn’t on the agenda, but we should look at the bigger picture critically. The demonisation of laziness isn’t always well-placed, IMO. The family unit exists in many forms and equal capital output by both parents is not the only path to egalitarian happiness.