To ask if you think SAHMs are lazy?

OP this is financial abuse.
£600 is nothing a month; he is taking home over £6000 p/m.
You need him to up this to at least £1500 based on him paying all the bills and him buying food.
You should have your own card and credit card linked to his account.

You need to be savvy here, first as others have said you need to know what he net worth is. House valued, copy of pensions, pay-slips.
He is treating you like a 2nd class citizen.

No, I don't think they are lazy at all! My DH prefers me to stay at home bc it makes HIS life easier, and it's better for the kids, and he can see that I'm much happier being at home too. It's just all around less stress. Am I lazy? My day seems to go like this, really not a lot of down time.

My typical day:
7am - wake kids up, breakfast, get ready for school, pack snacks, etc.
8am - walk kids to school
9-1145am- have breakfast, do dishes, vacuum and clean up the tornado that is left behind from the morning. Laundry. Make beds. Shower. Sometimes meet friends for coffee. Do any chores/admin/cleaning that needs to be done.
12pm - pick up little one from nursery & feed her lunch
1pm - play dates/park/activities with little one. Sometimes she naps & I watch tv but usually we are doing stuff.

3pm - walk over to pick up the older kids from school
4pm - homework, help with dinner prep, etc. (DH cooks most nights but I do the shops & clean up afterwards)
5/6pm - family dinner (2nights a week DH takes older kids to their sports)
7pm - baths/reading/bedtimes
8pm - all kids in bed, glass of wine & tv time with DH. Usually folding laundry too.
10pm - bedtime
It doesn't seem like a lazy life of luxury! I do a lot but my DH also coaches the kids sports team, does all the gardening and does school drop offs/pick ups a few times a week whenever his schedule allows. I think it's a good system for now. I don't feel spoiled or lazy but am grateful to be home and less stressed than I was before when I was working a demanding job.

I'm a SAHM, my DH earns a bit more than you and I have no financial constraints. The other day I said to DH I need to spend a bit of money as I need a new proper outdoor waterproof coat. He asked what I was thinking of getting and when I said I like the look of Joules one for about £120 he was like 'er, why are you even asking me then? I thought you meant you wanted a new £300 Barbour. Either way is fine'
He trusts me to be sensible with money so I am. He respects that I work bloody hard looking after our two children so we don't spend £40k a year having them in daycare.
So it sounds like you DH has been treating you as free labour to raise him children, allowing him to climb the career ladder and make lots of money.
Do you have savings in your name?
DH protects me financially by paying into a pension for me, and also paying savings into my name (which is pure savings- any money I spend on anything goes on a bank card for which he is the main account holder and he pays off in full every month).

Tell your husband you’re getting a job as a paid cleaner, housekeeper and nanny for your family and you need to be paid market rate as of now!

You sound like a slave to me the only difference is the children have your dna as well which is the rub.

Is this a cultural thing are you caught up in that @Camobag

Why does your husband seem to think the children are your responsibility and not his? If you were both working out of the home then it would be both your responsibility to fund, sort and organise childcare. You are both equally their parents with equal responsibility for them, yet your husband seems to think it’s just you.

Maray1967

I am thinking that even if she claimed CB her husband would reduce the amount she was paid and take off the tax he would pay on it.

Bluntness100

I am hazarding a guess that a live in Nanny, cleaner, cook, bottle washer and taxi service would cost a damn site more than £600 per month

Still not getting where it says you have to pay your child benefit back

One point has only come up a couple of times here I think but it is important - claim your child benefit. I do and my DH has to pay it back in tax. Moans a bit about the hassle of Tax self-assessment but I am insistent as first I am entitled to it and second it is important when it comes to national insurance contributions and future state pension. Claim it now.

So the answer is yes, of course he could. Millions of dual working parents or single working parents. I think we all know you don’t need someone at home full time to be able to do it. You just need reliable paid for child care.

Ask yourself this could he earn that money if you didn't do the things you do like look after the child and the house etc?
Unless his job takes him away from home regularly, why couldn't he?

There are quite a few single mums in high level jobs. They manage it on their own. Doing only half would be a bliss.

Why assuming that a man couldn't?

Ask yourself this could he earn that money if you didn't do the things you do like look after the child and the house etc? Look for something part time if you feel you need to be doing something. Personally I have always worked part time since before had kids until recently went full time. Do what's best for you.

Why do you feel you don't need to make a financial contribution to your family or keep your financial independence

With what?

Even if Camobag were to get a job what ever she earned would go in childcare and she would probably end up worse off.

The question is why does the husband feel he doesn’t have to make a contribution in time to look after his own children

Do you think after paying for childcare and expenses of getting herself to and from work and all the other multitude of expenses that come with small children, what ever is left she should just give to him to help pay the bills that he is already paying.

Is then the husband going to take equal time off for childhood illnesses, is he going to do his share of pick ups and drop offs to nursery/school

Is he going to do his half of the laundry/cleaning/cooking.

Is he going to do his half of the drop offs and pick ups from ECAs

Camobag contributes in time. If she didn’t it would cost a lot more than the £600 per month he gives her.

And if she did contribute would he then open his bank account to divide their earnings equally after bills.

Oh and OP, I earn 6 figures and DH was a SAHD. He has always had full access to all our money and the right to spend it as he pleases. Because we're a family.

I pay for everything to do with the kids, birthdays, xmas, clothes, uniform, school dinners, clubs etc. Plus I pay for all of my own stuff, car, insurance, TV licence etc. He earns 2.5 times what I earn.

I don't understand why some people have families and children in the first place. I earn money so we all can have a comfortable life and my children can have whatever they need. If I wanted to keep all my cash for myself, I would not have gotten married and had children.

@Marmunia1975

Personally I roll my eyes when I hear people boasting about what a martyr they are both at work and home. 59 hour work week as the norm?! Sounds like a miserable way to spend your time.

he’d be able to give the children anything and take them anywhere

He can do it right now. He doesn't though, does he? Throws some coins your way for his children. No reason to believe he would suddenly change into a generous caring dad.

Camobag

Has your dh checked out of family life.

You seem to lead such separate lives. What does he do now for you and the children.
Not about what he gives in monetary terms but what he gives willingly of his time and thinking about what you would enjoy doing even if it is just going for a walk in a nice area/park etc and taking a picnic or just spending time with you all doing something you all enjoy.

There are single parents and single parents who are married.

Being a single parent beats the latter hands down

Personally I suspect that you live in a house that you think you could never afford and that is why you stay.
My only warning is that it is an illusion.

Look at what price you pay to live in such a lovely house.
He at the moment holds all the cards and when he is fed up with you he will toss you aside and move in a younger model who will insist they have their name put on the deeds and then your share goes down

It happened to a friend of my mothers years ago who actually worked f/t and had contributed to the household. She ended up on the settee and he was upstairs sharing her bed with his new gf who he had moved in and given half the house to.

She ended walking away with very little as it got too much and she moved out and as it was no longer the marital home (he waited till their youngest was 16 and in work) and the house with her ex and his new gf on the deeds meant he ended up having to pay her very little compared to 1/2 the house worth.
Just what she had paid in over the years.

Be warned. This lady never thought her dh would ever contemplate such a thing and it came as a shock to her how little he thought of her.

Everyone else looking in, it come as no surprise

You need to speak to a solicitor on the quiet and properly understand your rights.

If you divorced, your divorce settlements should see you right, plus he'd need to pay a hefty sum in child support.

@JoJoSM2 are you living off money you have saved yourself / invested or living off your husband? Why do you feel you don't need to make a financial contribution to your family or keep your financial independence?

How long have you been together?

His assets must be huge

But he doesnt give the children anything now does he? And you can (and should be) claiming child benefit - it would be his responsibility to pay it back

Plus if you split child maintenace would be given to you plus a split of the assets

Also your husband could 'give your kids everything' now. But he doesn't. Instead he gives you a pittance allowance and leaves you to buy them everything they need out of that. He doesn't care what they go without because he does so.

Your husband is hideously financially abusive. By leaving you would be giving your kids a role model - someone who would rather struggle financially than effectively be someone else's indentured servant.

How on earth did you end up with such a horrible man?

Obvs any normal husband would also max out the private pension for the OP in these circumstances.

This is a very good point, if he intends to stay married to you forever then this would minimise the tax paid on the family assets. That he does not do this speaks volumes about how permanent a fixture in his life he views you.