To ask if you think SAHMs are lazy?

I know plenty of lawyers on much more than 100k who have that sort of flexibility.

And if they're presenting in court you would like them to tell the judge to halt proceedings as they need to go and pick their sick child up from school? Honestly. THINK, people!!!

You really should value what you bring to your family. Imagine if you weren’t there what a huge loss it would it be, how they would cope without your contribution. My DH has been helping out more at home as I have recently qualified into a fairly demanding profession, I could not have done it without his support or if I did it would have been a million times more difficult. Don’t underestimate your value

Now, some of them, almost exclusively men with SAHMs claim they cannot possibly have any flexibility and they definitely can't do anything to help with kids and oh dear, can't get home before bedtime again..but that's a different matter.

Again, some people really do not have any clue about what different careers involve. Apart from what my DH does, I can think of plenty of roles in which it's genuinely difficult to get off early to pick the kids up. Please engage your brain a bit more, it's so depressing....

@silverfonze

You're very short-sighted. I have no idea why SAHM say their DH couldn't work high paid job without them there. Perhaps their DH has to leave the house at 6am? Shift work, on call 24 hours, working away, often last minute? Why have those possibilities not entered your mind? This was the sitatuion I was in when mine were little. For us, it was best that I stayed at home while they were very little, then I gradually upped my hours around the childcare that was available. DH's hours are still ridiculous, but the kids are teens now that I'm FT, so are obviously more independent. I have to say, though, they're both a bit lacking in attention from either of us, we're both fucking knackered and the house is a shit tip. So not ideal all round really. Yes, there are households where both parents DO work FT and have busy lives but it often end up the lifestyle that most would aspire to. It's a hard slog in a lot of cases which probably adds a decade to your age. If I could go PT it would cut us all a bit of slack and life would be so much more pleasant.. I'm not sure why people can't see this.

That's only two out of four breaks during school holidays, plus weekends away. As I work from home I see DC round the clock, so I'm more than happy. I just have to multi-task. I choose this luxury lifestyle - two high end cars and a detached house in its own grounds - and we are a happy family

Absolute codswallop.

@silverfonze

Admin is mostly quickly done on our mobiles during working day.

What jobs do you have where you have time to do personal stuff on your mobile during your working day?

"""I'd give up a Maldives holiday for a year's worth of a better situation anyday and actually seeing the dc as I certainly wouldnt envy a 59 hr week! hmm I'd hate to live for a holiday..."""

That's only two out of four breaks during school holidays, plus weekends away. As I work from home I see DC round the clock, so I'm more than happy. I just have to multi-task. I choose this luxury lifestyle - two high end cars and a detached house in its own grounds - and we are a happy family.

Im sorry op

I think some sahm are lazy, some aren’t. I don’t see much reason to be a sahm to school age kids though. @pollypork is totally right that people post that stuff that their dh couldn’t do their job without them there and it’s invariably rubbish. I used to work in the city in a high paid role - none of the women in similar roles had sahds but some of the men did. Seems that when women have these roles, they manage to juggle the kids but men not so much.

Also I suspect in many cases, these women wanted to give up work and are making a choice. Also in many cases they were much lower earners to start with.

Eg in ops case, she is in a hugely unequal relationship. Financially it would seem she has a tiny proportion of the earning power of her dh. While that rings alarm bells from his perspective (why is he so keen to have such a vulnerable partner who is not his equal financially) it also rings alarm bells from hers. Ultimately it sounds like an unhappy and unequal relationship.

Op has also not stated what her dh view is on her not working. It may be that he is unhappy with her not working and didn’t agree to it. Which is fair enough- no one should be forced to be the sole breadwinner either.

You’re*

There is often a significant amount of pressure to work or be available 24-7 because if the shit hits the fan someone at that salary level would be accountable.

I think you’ve pigeon holed high earners into “accountable management”. Lots of high earners get paid a lot for what they know, not how well they can manage stuff. If you’ve got the expertise, your the one holding the reigns on how and when you’re available.

Hmm your situation is unique then or you are lying. I have never known anyone earning 100k+ (not even consultants) to be able to do things like the schoolrun / pop round to the shops etc.

I know plenty of people on 100K+ and every single one of them is able to do at least some of the school runs if they want to.

Now, some of them, almost exclusively men with SAHMs claim they cannot possibly have any flexibility and they definitely can't do anything to help with kids and oh dear, can't get home before bedtime again..but that's a different matter.

I'd theres anything this pandemic has thought people it is that sahp are not lazy!

Hmm your situation is unique then or you are lying. I have never known anyone earning 100k+ (not even consultants) to be able to do things like the schoolrun / pop round to the shops etc. There is often a significant amount of pressure to work or be available 24-7 because if the shit hits the fan someone at that salary level would be accountable.

Not unique. I know plenty of lawyers on much more than 100k who have that sort of flexibility. It’s easy now with mobile internet (and easier still now we are all WFH). You don’t have to account for your whereabouts as long as the hours are done and you generally respond to clients within a reasonable time frame. Sometimes you’ll be flat out, but you are not micromanaged.

I'd give up a Maldives holiday for a year's worth of a better situation anyday and actually seeing the dc as I certainly wouldnt envy a 59 hr week! I'd hate to live for a holiday...

Meant to post I agree with the above!

I have no idea why SAHM say their DH couldn't work high paid job without them there

Agree, I don’t know why people post this, it’s clearly nonsense and helps no one,there are millions of dual career families and working single parents. You don’t need a spouse at home to be able to work if you have kids.

I think sahm of school age children are sometimes lazy or just can't be bothered to contribute, maybe their husband earns well, fair enough.

Sahm of babies/pre schoolers aren't lazy.

and go to the Maldives for new year and the Seychelles for the summer!!

Four or five weeks holiday in exchange for working 59 hours x 47 - 48 weeks? I don’t think many would envy you.

If it's both working away at the same time then obviously that's different, and one would need to find another job.

You do know what working away means?

Yes, but I made a wild guess that the poster didn't mean that they were both working away, just the husband.

I think YABU. I'm not a SAHM now, I work part time but when I was I always felt like I contributed to our household because I did

Without my contributions we would have had to pay for some of the services and both DH and I would have lost out on leisure time. I always felt appreciated during that time and DH would make an effort to do something with the kids on his days off to give me a bit of down time. I think it's very unfair you're left with less spending money than your DH.

“Personally I roll my eyes when I hear people boasting about what a martyr they are both at work and home. 59 hour work week as the norm?! Sounds like a miserable way to spend your time.”
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Ha ha - not really if you have a happy family life and go to the Maldives for new year and the Seychelles for the summer!! I’m loving my life.