Parents of toddlers with eating disorders...

@theboldtype that doesn’t even sound safe to reheat a meal 3 times and you sound controlling to the extreme. I feel sorry for your kids.

Theboldtype if you do that that is really cruel :(

If you were served something you didnt like (in my case snails/shellfish ) to serve it againnat the next meal is just mean. Please don't do this. There was nothing wrong with giving your child a banana. Pleade talk to your health visitor or read up a bit on infant feeding. There's ways to increass what they eat@ but to keep reservinv food they dont like isn't it.

My daughter was like this at a similar age, although her repertoire was extended to maybe 4-5 different foods like sausages and pasta (plain) and also bread. Nothing wet, slimy or strongly flavoured. Every meal was the same, or a variation on the same. She would physically vomit if I forced her to try something and this went on until she was about 6. I worked extensively with my health visitor to extend her range and eventually she would include a few more things. ARFID only came to my attention last year (she's 16 now and is still very limited about what she eats). I was told by family members and friends galore that she was spoilt and that the problem was mine because I obviously indulged her (no chance). She was diagnosed as high functioning autistic last year, which makes sense of allll of it. I wish I had know because food became a battle ground in which I felt like I constantly lost. It should never have been like that and I could have avoided some of the criticism and guilt I experienced had I known. But more importantly I could have avoided how distressed she became when I practically forced her to eat things that obviously made her distressed. I feel horrible about it now. Hope this helps a bit because I totally understand how terrible it is. I then had No2 child who ate everything and the contrast was even higher. It's incredibly difficult.

This does sound very extreme. I would contact your health visitor. Keep a food diary to show them before the appointment

I have a very fussy two year old as well. You have probably tried these things but what sometimes works for us is letting her watch TV while feeding so I spoon it in while she is engrossed and she will sometimes eat it without thinking. If you start with the shepherds pie he likes then he might not notice if you change it.

The other thing I do is create a tea party with her toys on the floor where she goes around offering her fork with dinner on to the toys then she eats it the end. In both of these situations I don't say anything at all to do with getting her to eat just engage in the play and get the toys to ask for more but never ask her to try some or she won't. Probably not the best tips for long term but anything to get some food into them.
There is a supernanny video on youtube about fussy eaters although the kids were older it had some good tips. Good luck

Yes @theboldtype there’s always someone who has an iron will and therefore not fussy children to make everyone else feel like a terrible mother 🙄

OP I have a particular child with food but as a PP said it didn’t kick in until she was about 20months which I think is a fairly “normal” age to experiment with fussiness over food as it is linked to them realising they can exert control over that one area of their lives but your D.C. being so particular from a very tiny age does raise red flags. I have no experience or really knowledge but could def be a major sensory issue which doesn’t necessarily need to be just texture but taste as well. I don’t know the processes but want to wish you good luck, and you should trust your instinct that it’s worth seeing if something else is going on

I sympathise, OP. It sounds like it's not the same as my toddler struggles with textures whereas the preference for particular brands makes me think that yours is more focused on flavour. Ours had severe reflux and a very strong gag reflex (so vomited up lots of undigested food if there was a slight cough / gag during the meal), which appears to have finally resolved. The legacy of the reflux and gagging caused severe reluctance to try any unfamiliar textures or even just to vary textures.

I just try to focus on the good meals - those where something new, different, or just wholesome is eaten - and try and not get discouraged by the bad meals. I'll admit it's pretty demoralising, but you have to keep trying, including the same foods over and over just in case it's a good day and it gets randomly eaten - even if it's rejected again and again the next few times you try it. That's one key piece of advice I'd give - don't give up on rejected food.

I also try and eat the exact same thing as my toddler - sometimes the meal on my plate is more attractive and will get eaten (even if just a little) when the meal on their plate gets rejected.

For some the following might be bad parenting advice, but I also decide on the location of the meal / snack based on how the day is going. If it's not going well and little has been consumed, I'll try a snack / meal in front of the TV as it removes some of the stress of sitting at the table with food refusal.

I've also been known to use soft toys as competition for the food. Eg, I ask 'Can bear try some?' gently move bear towards the food and, at least sometimes, my toddler will have a little bit to 'stop' the cuddly toy having some. They think it's funny, like they've tricked the cuddly toy. Again, perhaps bad parenting, but with eating issues I find you do what you've got to do to get at least some nutrients in in a way that doesn't add to the stress or pressure of the situation and make things worse.

My children have tried to be fussy at certain times. To me it’s a sign they aren’t that hungry. So I don’t serve them anything else. I’ll serve them the same thing reheated the next morning for breakfast and if it’s not touched I’ll serve it again for lunch. At some point they seem to change their minds and happily eat what I put in front of them.
Last night my 22 month old and 3.5 year old refused to eat the casserole I put in front of them. They went to bed without anything else and were both served it for breakfast. The eldest ate it and the youngest threw a tantrum for a banana. He didn’t get the banana and so after an half an hour he changed his mind and indicated he wanted to go back in his high chair for the casserole. Which he then ate the lot of quite happily.

Ok, well I wasn't going to specifically mention autism, but yes, especially with the way he organises food, I would say this reminds me very strongly of my brothers and my son, who are autistic.

Nothing wrong with lining things up btw!

If you start looking at neuro diversity, you might find that it helps in future conversations with gp/ whoever. You've plenty of time, but the more you learn, the less of a jolt if you end up getting a diagnosis. Most importantly, it means you can parent in the way that most helps your child.

Have you asked to be referred to a dietician op? Your heath visitor or GP can refer you.

Can a toddler have an eating disorder? My understanding of them is that there are significant psychological factors that cause rise to them, surely a toddler wouldn't have that level of self awareness. I don't think it sounds particular unusual as for some, eating is about surviving at that age and not about enjoyment. I don't think you should worry.

Lots of children with autism have huge sensory problems with food. Does DC have any other traits?

What you describe is not the fussiness I would associate with small children. It is concerning.

I knew a child who was very fussy with food - eg would only eat the correct brand of chicken nugget and would rather starve than eat something that wasn’t right. She had some psychological input and it improved. Her mum thought it might have been linked to being intubated when she was a baby. Things got much better for them as a family.

This is probably at one end of the fussy eating spectrum, but there is a lot of information out there. Look up ARFID, and maybe talk to your GP for a contact.

I’m not sure what is available where you are, but food can be about control, it can be sensory, and is often made worse by the powerlessness for the parent.

I would continue to feed him the one food, but meanwhile always putting out other finger foods, even just strips of bread, cake, fruit, veggies, etc. Doens’t have to be a buffet, literally a couple of small pieces of each.

I saw a very effective thing on tv the other day where they just used the food to make pictures on a plate. No attempt to eat it, just used it as a play medium, like play dough or something. Older children, but it took the pressure off and worked really well.

Good luck.