Parents of toddlers with eating disorders...

I think I was here.
I've tried to block it out (!) but my DS would only eat the Annabel Karmel chicken pie ready meal. And ready brek.

When you look at those things they are boring but they do have nutritional value. Not as much as you would like but still they do.
I kept trying other food. We had a lot of luck with Nesquik, scrambled eggs, peanut butter and biscuits but it took a while. He's 15 now and still "limited" but eats plenty of what he does eat and his growth is fine and always has been.

I would talk to the doctor to rule out anything else but I would try not to get upset. I know it's easier said than done and I know you'll be surrounded by the "my child eats anything, it's just a matter of offering a variety" brigade.

One suggestion - could you offer porridge for lunch as well? Call it Lunch Porridge. It's better than wotsits.

the boldtype
That sounds really unpleasant tbh. How would you feel to be asked to eat casserole for breakast?? Saving it for them to have at lunch or dinner would be OK but not as a punishment and not for breakfast!

I have twins with what can be termed as an eating disorder. In our case combined with several allergies. In our case, at 7 they are still on a specialist milk to help them survive. At the worst my daughter is capable of three days without food.
They are both diagnosed with spd and autism.
We had some brilliant ideas and have made a little progress with boy twin but very little with girl twin but we have progressed in such a way that they aren't anxious as much as they were. We had hit the point where they would run away and hide if you called them for tea.
The best advice was to take all pressure away. We were told to always have food available so they could nibble all day rather than it being a big deal at meal time. We literally put a platter of some different bits, but always including some they will eat, on the floor in front of the TV or on the table in the garden and we walk away. We don't mention it, praise it or moan. After a while we chuck what isn't eaten and do the same in a little while.
The biggest thing for us and the hardest was to take all emotion out. It was explained to us that if a child has real issues but wants to please you and u praise them when they eat then they connect it with being good and therefore not eating with being bad.
Our child was so severe that when in hospital they were given a sticker for eating a tiny piece of banana, they now haven't been able to eat a banana for over 4 years!

Only your first post sounded smug. I wonder if you've discussed your methods with a HV because I can't imagine they'd be encouraging it. What did you hope to gain by making a child that's too young to communicate eat reheated casserole when they clearly wanted a banana?

My ds1 was like this. He dropped off the bottom of the growth chart by 10 months and stayed way off until around 4. He became anaemic and was on liquid iron supplements for 2 years. It did turn out to be one of the early signs of autism for him (diagnosed at 4). I’d speak to your gp and see if you can get a referral to a hospital dietician or feeding clinic as they may be able to help. For days, it was just a matter of waiting (many years) for his diet to expand.

For what it’s worth, my ds1 is now 10, eats a wide range of foods and is a healthy kid in mainstream school, not requiring any specific support and with a good group of friends.

Ignoring the derail, OP I think you should call your Health Visitor and ask for a referral for a dietician and if you are concerned about autism talk about that as well and see what they say. 2 is a common age to start noticing signs.

My son has a restricted diet due to probable autism and people who would continually serve the same meal until it was eaten can jog on because they have no idea how ignorant they are.

Of course it’s not something to aspire to. As I’ve said, I’m sorry my posts have come across so smug.
Sleep training isn’t something to aspire to either.

I’m not a martyr about this. It’s just something that’s worked for me in the past so I suggested it.

You admitted your child said they didn’t want it and would rather have a banana but you wouldn’t let them.

No matter what you post to try to justify it doesn’t make it sound any less like force feeding and cruel

I have truthfully eaten casserole for breakfast. What’s wrong with that? I’m not going to serve them something I wouldn’t eat reheated myself.

But you sounded quite proud of your "I'll keep reheating it until they eat it' approach bold - it really isn't imo something to aspire to.

I was literally this child! My Dm took me to doctors health visitors etc and none of it worked I used to just starve myself. Turns out I have sensory food issues- still do. I can’t abide lumpy things, have to have food steaming hot etc. I eat a well balanced diet now- albeit adapted ie I blend everything smooth etc I am now no longer starving I am very much overweight but that’s nothing to do with my issues, more medical problems and a love of chocolate.

My mum offered me the food I liked and just kept adding other options in- for example I’d have ready brek with some apple slices on the side. Eventually (after months) I’d try a little bit. It’s very much about perseverance (or it was with me)

If my child hasn’t even tried the dinner because they don’t like the look of it I don’t assume they don’t like the flavour more like they aren’t hungry.

I’ve only ever served something reheated twice the once. They don’t need to finish their meals they just need to give it a go.

I wouldn’t eat casserole for breakfast and I would not expect my children to either @theboldtype

That is surely just down to pure stubbornness. If my three year old refuses to eat her tea she gets a boring slice of toast just before bed, no way would I offer her last nights spag bol. It would likely mean she would never eat it again at any time

Please rethink your approach for the sake of your children.

There is a great fb group called ARFID parents and carers (UK) which is very helpful.

Ds has Arfid but his only developed later (about 5) but I can be an issue from birth. Like many things it’s exceptionally complicated with a variety of possible causes but if nothing else groups like the above will be supportive

Also I don’t get angry with them for not eating or frustrated. I simply ask if they want me to save it and my eldest says yes (my youngest is too little to understand).
He was honestly happy to eat the casserole this morning. It hasn’t seemed to create food battles yet.
This sounds like it’s been going on for such a long time for the OP, and perhaps misguided but I sort of viewed the post the same as a child that doesn’t sleep in which case as you can probably tell I’ve suggested sleep training before as that’s what has worked for me. But honestly I’m sorry if I’ve just upset everyone.

I agree with others that bolds approach is quite cruel and doesn't sound great from a food safety point of view.

OP - in addition to the advice you've received, I remember The House of Tiny Tearaways" often featuring young children who wouldn't eat and Dr Tanya Byron (?) always seemed to have good suggestions so it may be worth looking at her stuff too (disclaimer- am not dietician nor child psychologist)

Does he eat if someone else feeds him? Can you invite him in the kitchen and ask him to help you make the food or choose what he wants?

You sound really caring how stressful for you x

Sorry my post came across as smug! And yes I do know everything might change and this approach might not work for my kids in the future.
I don’t force feed my children and they don’t have to sit at the table if they don’t want to eat what gets served. TBF I’ve only ever reheated a meal twice once for my eldest, and reheating even the once for breakfast is not something that I do often.
But both refused to even try dinner last night so it did get saved for them.
The OP seemed concerned and this is just a strategy that’s worked for me.
I don’t think serving up leftovers is abusive.
If I can see they have made an effort with dinner I don’t save it.

There’s a group on FB called ‘mealtime hostage, the group’

There’s lots of people suffering this on there and it’s packed full of ideas to help them along their food journey, with lots of success stories too.

Good luck op, it’s awful isn’t it. But you’re not alone!

I have an almost 2 year old who is similar although with eat a few extra things, Heinz cottage pie or spaghetti Bol, chicken nuggets, garlic bread, toast, croissants, grapes and bananas.. and that is it. He'll go through stages of refusing things he likes.
I've tried everything.. he won't even touch new foods. Won't pick them up or play with them. Just pushes them away, he hates even having them on his tray. Some days I can barely get him to eat anything.
I have seen HV, GP and dietician (we were already under her for allergies) but none were concerned and said they wouldn't be until after 2.. I've just had my second baby and mentioned it again to the HV on her visit last week and she said not to be concerned because when I wean baby it will encourage him but baby is literally couple of weeks old so we're way off that!
I have no advice at all but you aren't alone.. it's so frustrating and worrying.. it really bothers me that he doesn't have a healthy diet and I worry of the effects but there is literally nothing I can do.

@theboldtype that’s insane and boarders on emotional abuse in my opinion.

@OR101 how is he with messy play? There is a very strong link between food issues and messy play/ getting messy.

Have you spoken to GP/HV? Might be worth a chat to them. They may be able to refer to dietician/paediatrician.

I agree with Cider Jolly Your poor children........... :(

My DS was a bit similar. His food issues stated around 13 months old when he would just refuse dinners and threw a huge tantrum if it wasn't what he was wanting / expecting. He did eat things like toast, sandwiches cereal and fruit and yogurt though but they was about it for a while. I found it incredibly stressful and felt a bit judged at times that he wouldn't just eat. I was amazed at other toddlers picking up pasta and scoffing everything they were given. He is 8 now and while it is better it is by no means normal. He really struggles to try new food, it's as if he's afraid it will harm him in some way! I think that he is a highly sensitive, to taste and texture but also to labels , clothing, things like that. I found not making it into a battle reduced my stress levels and we tried to introduce new foods slowly but his diet is always a bit limited though he does eat fruit and some veg but I don't enjoy taking him to friends' houses for dinner. One thing that may help as he gets older is to have him help prepare the food, I didn't do that enough but I wish I had as it seems to help a little. He is getting a little braver and will now sometimes take small bits of a new food, and then usually leave it!

Also he has a sibling and my experience with her has been totally different, she will try new foods and eats a much wider variety of food, she has no innate issue with it so I know it can't just be my parenting 😂. And now I know what 'normal' looks like and how much easier it is. She has had 'fussy' moments but absolutely nothing like my DS and much easier to deal with.

I don't think what you are describing is normal toddler fussiness, none of my friends with sane age kids had anything like the issues we had with DS and I felt very alone at times. He has no other traits for ASD, so it's not that.

Advice like the @theboldtypes is not helpful, it's just creating massive battles around food which is not good long term. And I feel v sorry for her kids.