Parents of toddlers with eating disorders...

My comment about other countries was in response to a PP who said what about children in countries where there aren't food choices. I said if those children are anything like DS who has ARFID and sensory issues, they die. Again, based on my own experiences as DS in such a situation would starve himself rather than eat and would eventually waste away. You asked why I believe that so I posted an article about ARFID and the effects on the body of not eating. You seem oddly determined to derail the thread are singling me out to help you do so.

Porcupineinwaiting, I really don't understand why you are having a go at
Gancanny. She has given advice according to her own experience, nothing wrong with that.
Ultimately, OP needs to get referral for her own dc. But knowing there are others with similar issues is helpful.

My first DC is similar to this - not so extreme but we had over a year between 9 months (following a stomach bug) and about 2 years where he refused to eat anything I cooked. He would eat things like sandwiches, cucumber, fruit and so on - so a wider repertoire than your DC - but no home-cooked food. His preferred dinner was Ella’s Kitchen pouches (stage 2, no lumps - he wouldn’t eat the stage 3 ones).

It was honestly soul-destroying, especially because some people who haven’t encountered this thought it was just fussiness. He would rather go hungry than eat “normal food”. He had always been on the lower end of the weight centiles and I was worried about his weight.

He is now 5 and a much better eater. He still won’t eat anything in sauce but things did start to improve after age 2. Things that helped us included:

• stopping buying Ella’s Kitchen pouches and focusing on more age-appropriate foods, eg fish fingers, which he would eat. (I’m not advising you to do this, I’m just saying what worked for us.)
• sending him to a childminder who simply assumed he would eat whatever was on offer (and he did). Does yours have any external childcare? A different setting can help.
• being very low-key about food and not making a big deal of it, making sure there was always something he would eat, etc.

We didn’t ask for help and we’re lucky that he wasn’t so extreme and got better with time. When I did raise it at his one year review, I was made to feel it was my fault and I “just needed to make him eat”. Very helpful, no?! No concrete advice. So if you ask for help, be prepared to grow a very thick skin and push hard for an appropriate referral.

In hindsight, and especially given my experience of DC2, who is 8 months now and like a human vacuum cleaner when it comes to food, I think it was a mixture of sensory issues, personality (he is anxious about new things and this extends beyond food), and also an undiagnosed tongue tie, which was picked up after one year.

Gancanny what a wonderful list of advice 🥰

Our dietician said exactly the same as gancannys so there is some helpful advice there, but you need to get your own referral as all children are different and have different needs.

@theboldtype I don't think what you've said is bad, people like to get defensive when they feel their decisions are questioned. On top of that you came back clarified, apologized and still people aren't happy. Sometime you can never win!

In your shoes I would contact GP and/or health visitor for advice. I don't mean to worry you but I think you're right to be concerned. My DD has actually always been a fussy eater right since the beginning of weaning at 6m, but nothing like as severe as you're describing. In the meantime I would focus on offering what you're having with every meal and trying to put no pressure on the child at meal times. I think your child playing with the food they don't eat might actually be beneficial in the long term, I'm not an expert but I seem to remember reading or watching something about children that struggle to try new foods and I think it encouraged children to begin in steps starting with touching the new food so that is positive. It sounds like they are happy to have the new food on their plate and mess about with it? Also positive (when my DD doesn't want something she will sometimes make "yuck" noises etc and she won't tolerate it staying on her plate, it has to go on my plate/table/(floor! - she's 2).

Regarding all the discussion of bolds approach, I don't think I would recommend anything like that for you without professional advice because this is a long ingrained thing with your DC basically as long as they've been on solids properly and I would be wary about suddenly changing their routines and making things worse. However I think criticism of bold has been too harsh and I do think that approach, or similar, can work out ok for children without SEN/medical issues relating to food. I don't think my approach is quite as strict as bold's - for example, I wouldn't offer an uneaten dinner for breakfast, and I rarely keep an uneaten dinner at all really. But I will do things like offer breakfast of something I know she likes and if she doesn't want it and asks for something else then I just leave it out and she eats it later. I wouldn't offer anything else. Likewise if she doesn't hardly eat any lunch, if I know it's something she's happily eaten before I will keep it for her and re offer her it after her nap when she asks for a snack. And I don't give free rein over what she eats for snacks/when she eats them. I think my current approach seems to be working best for my child and have seen some small improvements in her eating since we muddled through and found this approach (after trying various other things in the past) but I appreciate all children are different and will respond to different things. I think no pressure to eat is likely one of the most important things. There is never pressure on my DD to eat a meal. If she doesn't want to eat them she is free to play or watch TV or whatever else she wants without any resistance on our part, and if she wants to come back to the meal an hour later then she can and we will keep it for her to eat then.

The point I'm getting at @Gancanny is that I wish people wouldn't drag "kids from poorer countries " in to prop up their arguement (either for or against something) when they have no knowledge of these countries or data to support their assertions.

Neither you or I know how eating disorders play out in cultures very different from our own. FWIW (and I've lived in very rural west Africa) I think in some places they may actually have less impact as food choices are so very limited that eating 2 or 3 foods (same taste, same texture) each day for the whole of your life is the norm.

But the truth is I dont know and neither do you. And I made no comment at all about forcing children to eat so that's yet more meaningless speculation on your part.

Has anyone read the book ‘Getting the little blighters to eat’?
My toddler and 6 Year old aren’t overly fussy but it has helped with some strategies to help avoid meal battles. Actually, much of it is similar to @Gancanny ‘s dietician. I have found it really helpful.
I’m sorry OP that you’re having this struggle. I think speaking to your HV would be really helpful.

You need to push for a referral OP. That is very concerning behaviour. The lining up of food and food refusal does sound like autism. Get on the list now as in most places it can take years to get a diagnosis. Perhaps have a read here:

www.nytimes.com/2007/08/23/nyregion/23eating.html?referringSource=articleShare

I think people who are accusing theboldtype being horrible etc are being too personal and harsh.
The method that works for some children won't work for others. I know my ds's food refusal is related to other factors like texture of food and forcing won't work. But I also don't know how it works for children with no issues. We only know what works with our own.

It's horrible to hear that people saying we are creating fussy eaters ourselves by allowing them to eat only what they like. But calling people who is using different methods without knowing full context abusive/horrible etc is equally nasty. Not every one would force their child to eat them after it's moldy. That's extreme.

This has been going on over a year, how much milk is baby having? How about weight gain? I'm horrified the HV hasn't asked you about feeding since 9 months

Sounds like the typical “I can force my children to eat so everyone else must be lying or pandering” bullshit that comes out on these threads! Sod the fact ARFID and restrictive eating disorders are medically recognised problems. Someone with no experience obviously knows best!

Or the "ARFID doesn't exist in countries with limited food resources" (it does) or "ARFID didn't exist in the past" (it did).

Sod the fact ARFID and restrictive eating disorders are medically recognised problems. Someone with no experience obviously knows best!

I'm not sure what point it is you're getting at?

So no you dont.

Article on ARFID here @Porcupineinwaiting. Consider what would happen to children with ARFID in countries where there is no medical support available.

www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/327240#complications

I'm in the same boat with my son op and it very much feels like it's sinking.

It's frustrating to watch and he's incredibly small and skinny (he's 2yrs 9m) and wearing 12-18m clothes (waistbands are big but fit on length)

He's steadily got worse and has reduced what he will eat to nothing but sweet things (cereal, bakery items, chocolate and sometimes chicken nuggets)

I've been following HV advice over lockdown period and he's getting worse.

He especially hates dinner time and because he doesn't want to eat dinner, he doesn't want anyone else eating it either. He was so hysterical he made himself vomit. It was heartbreaking. I'm now awaiting a referral from either dietician or OT (health visitor is seeking further advice as she thinks it's more a control issue than actual eating)

I just wanted to let you know it's not just you. Don't blame yourself. I have 3 other children that eat very well, varied diets with lots of fruit, veg, meat and fish.

The frustration is so real and my son has gone 2 days eating absolutely nothing because he didn't want what was offered. Of course I caved in after that! I cannot watch him starve himself. The second night before bed he was given toast and jam and he ate it like he was quite literally starving. (He still had his cup of milk and vitamins before bed both nights though I know it's absolutely no substitute)

Really hope things improve for you.

My wee one was/is the same. She constantly choked on foods so had a bad association with eating then around 5 years she was diagnosed with abnormally large tonsils and had then removed when she was 8. Now shes on medication for adhd and that stops her eating but we are definitely in a better place now. Though she will only eat things like cooked pasta no sauce. Cereal with no milk. Her favourite thing just now is cous cous. Shes now on build up milkshakes too.

I don't think what theboldtype is doing is totally abusive. If the child has no specific issue with food and just refusing to eat because they want something else, then it's not abusive. And someone else who says this caused life long eating disorder, their parents are extreme, while I don't think theboldtype is.

My ds's dietitian said if he refused to eat dinner, he can still have pudding, but don't give him extra. And that's what we did, but our case is slightly different from NT child refusing totally acceptable food.

And what we eat for breakfast is actually more to do with culture. I would happily eat left over from last night's dinner for breakfast, so is my English dh or mixed race ds. I didn't force them, they do it with their own will sometimes.

She's lovely Sirzy. I went to our first appointment expecting to be told off for creating a fussy child and I was so wrong, she's been nothing but supportive.

@Gancanny do you have any data to support that?

Gancanny - I think I love your dietican! I hear so many stories of dieticians just not getting it it is lovely to hear of one so on the ball and realistic.

Hi OP. I was very fussy as a 2 year old, going through a period of a few months of only eating yogurt and wheatabix. I was very intolerant to lumps. My parents think it was to do with my overly large tonsils which were removed after repeated tonsillitis at 8 years old. Not at all suggesting that this applies to your situation but sharing my experience.