Parents of toddlers with eating disorders...

It was only.when my 6 year old sibling came along that I realised I hadn't caused the older ones fussy eating.
The younger one just ate, and I didnt have to do anything special to make her eat.
She would just pick up the food and put it in her mouth. After the first one it was such a shock but also made me realise it wasnt because of anything I had done to cause her eating issues.

Sounds really hard OP. No practical advice in the expanding diet options but in terms of vitamins and nutrition, do you give a multivitamin supplement? We have ones for the kids that are like gummy bears or eg the drops you can buy could be mixed in with food.

My oldest ate anything until about 15m then he cut out everything but potato waffles almost overnight. Previously he'd eaten waffles but as part of a varied diet. He would eat nothing else for around the next 2 years. Literally nothing else. I tried everything but nothing worked. On one occasion he went without food for 3 days while I was trying the being strict approach. He was screaming with constipation and I thought he may actually starve himself to death so I reintroduced waffles. Eventually after HV, GP and paediatrician we were referred to a dietician who advised taking all stress and conflict out of meals, give him what he will eat plus another thing to try (with the foods not touching because that would make him leave it all) and make no fuss whether or not he tries the other item. After such a long battle he very gradually tried other things. I started with things like bread and dry cereal, not straight into sprouts! He's now 21 and still has a limited diet but far more than just waffles. He hates wet or runny foods so avoids gravy, soup, tinned beans and spaghetti etc. He was subsequently diagnosed with autism too. So, don't let anyone tell you you're just not firm enough, their kid would eat what they're given etc. There is hope but you may need specialist input from someone who really understands these issues.

Op, don't worry about people saying you should eat all together, need to have same food etc. It's not relevant.

And those who still going on about theboldtype, you don't know the full extent of what she is doing. She maybe doing some favour or damage to her children, you just cannot decide it just because her approach is different from yours. I personally don't think her approach is totally bad, for some children, who can eat them but refusing and demanding something else.

My 2 year old is becoming fussy. I think many around this age are exploring their independence and learning that they have their own mind and choices. Food is something they can control, to a degree, and they are also learning what tastes they like (and don't!). It's so hard to know if they genuinely don't like something, just don't fancy it, aren't hungry or just decided it's a 'no' day for food.
Like lots of others, the key is no pressure. If my son does or doesn't eat the meal, he gets fruit and a yoghurt for pudding and a drink of milk with a biscuit later before bed.
Is showing real signs of hunger? He may have a small appetite but definitely get him checked out for any other issues as it does sound like its verging to the extreme.

OP - my little boy started to refuse food at a similar age. We were referred to both a paediatric dietician and speech and language therapist who deals with eating issues. They were both great and really helped.

In our case we found that he had a cows milk protein intolerance, causing him pain when eating. He also developed a spoon aversion. The speech therapist was brilliant in helping us to identify the issue, re-introduce food to him etc.

We also had a book that was helpful
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Helping-Child-Extreme-Picky-Eating/dp/162625110X/ref=nodl_

Hope you get some answers and help ASAP.

Don’t have a lot of time but wanted to say my now 6 year was like this (still is really) but he was diagnosed as coeliac at age 3 so he associated food with feeling sick and pain. Have you had him checked out by your gp? Sorry for not reading the full thread.

It's one thing saving a meal to try with the child again the next day, but forcing it at breakfast? Ridiculous. Give them a normal breakfast and keep the hot meals to lunch/dinner.
How to put a child of a meal for life! If they're not hungry, accept it and move on, don't push it to extremes @theboldtype

Does your DS go to nursery at all? I found when mine went to nursery even just for a day or two a week, they started eating what everyone else had at snack and lunch time (especially useful if they serve food there rather than taking a packed lunch, so they get to try lots of new food). My middle one went to several different nurseries, all of whom served their own food, and he’s by far the least fussy eater.

I would definitely keep an eye out for any autistic traits too. My friend asked my advice on feeding as her DS would only eat about 4 different items from a young age. I went with something (not quite as cut throat!) along the lines of Bold’s advice. If he doesn’t eat what he’s given he doesn’t get anything else, as that had always worked with my kids (not the reheating it for subsequent meals though). She tried that and her DS literally didn’t eat for about 3 days . He was later diagnosed with autism and 10 years later I still feel guilty for suggesting she didn’t offer him his favourite food on the side with every meal.

Oh I missed out the main thing I meant to say. Absolutely, like others have said, ask for a referal. I was going there when I said about the HV, don't be fobbed off with "have you tried playing with the food/offering a variety on a plate/etc" they need to know he needs professional help. Good luck x

PineappleUpsideDownCake, omg, I totally get you, re touching food. My ds can have food if it's not touching others. And it was difficult to know why, until he was able to tell us what's bothering him.

Watching with interest. I’m in similar situation with my LO

OP do you eat with your DD?

I would try having her eat exactly what you and the family eat and just giving her small portions. Then she’ll see that what you’re all eating is “normal” and young kids like to copy people around them (obviously that wouldn’t work if there are genuine sensory issues but worth a shot)

I have two fussy kids. They would find any excuse not to eat what was put in front of them.

We started serving everything up in the middle family style and letting everyone pick the bits they wanted to eat. Suddenly once the pressure of a played meal was off, they actually enjoyed food again and tried bits and bobs.

Now they’ll eat most things but even as teenagers we still do family style food to avoid the drama.

Worked for us, and it was a double nightmare because the fussy eaters are twins and fed off each other’s anxieties, you could literally see them eyeballing each other to check for their reaction to food and if it was negative they’d just refuse to eat and cry!

Nightmare but it did get better with the above!

OP you need a referral to a community or developmental paediatrician for an assessment of your child's difficulties, and some professional advice.

Worriedmama thats my goal too. A healthh relationship with food, which involved knowing what you want to eat and when you are hungry and full. Its important for them to have agency.

Myshiny they do go through stages and phases. Both my children ate a wide variety
of food and it changed around 3. I read somewhere it's not uncommon as their survival instinct kicks in.

My youngest daughter since 3 (now 8) cant tolerate a lot of foods touching. So cant eat tuna pasta bake. I can give her tuna, cooked pasta and a pile of sweetcorn as long as its not touching.

Ive had to adjust my meals as she needed to eat, many children have a fear of touching and I didn't want to make it worse. By being relaxed around food and giving her something safe every mealtime she has slowly tried some other foods. She eats quite healthily (prefers raw veg to cooked veg so I just keep hers back).

Luckily my daughter has more acceptable foods than OP. But definitely the important thing is not to make it a battle and to keep offering safe foods.

I hope your hv is good. They vary, but do make it clear how few foods are acceptable to him (and the lining up etc..)

@TheBabyAteMyBrain totally agree with you. @theboldtype this is what my parents did 30 years ago along with sitting at the dinner table for hours etc . I have a very weird situation with food and am nearly 40 years of age. My Partner can not undrstand it and has learned not to say anything about my eating. One little comment while i am eating my food can make me stop eating and i can go for hours without eating because i was often sent to bed with no dinner as i wouldnt eat it. Its not good for me i have now learned. It has taken me years to try new things because of it. Even the smell of roast beef makes me fell sick, can not bear it cooked in my house. Cabbage makes my brother repulse after he was made it cold as a child because he wouldnt eat it. Thakfully my brothers and sister have a far better approach with food with their children then my parents did. OP you have some good advice from others here, best of luck with it

Op, my ds is 12. Still have issues re texture/temperature, but way better than he used to be at 2.
To make things even more complicated, he has multiple food allergies, so many normal everyday food choice is out of question too.
We survived. He is growing fine. You can reason slightly better when they are older, and start to listen to dr's suggestion for their own good.
I think I was my wits end at that age, but mine turned out to be a lot easier compared to then now.
You need a professional help.

Op Id recommend bee Wilson's first bite: how we learn to eat. It includes sections on v fussy eaters, I found it generally reassuring but it's a while since I read it.

Mostly, I'd get a referral: I think it sounds like you need some support and reassurance and it's worth doing that as early as possible.

I'm pretty shocked and horrified at the idea of serving reheated food until it's eaten. I think it all depends on what kind of adult relationship with food, and with you, you want your children to have. Sometimes I have a bowl of cereal instead of dinner. Sometimes I just don't want to eat the healthy meal I planned. That's ok, because on balance I eat healthily and I have no issues with emotional eating, etc etc. I stop eating when I'm full and I'm a healthy weight, I was quite fussy as a child but I got less and less so from my teens onwards and will not eat most things, though there are a few things I still hate and won't touch (including mackerel which ironically my toddler loves). This is basically my goal for my children: not feeling they must suppress their natural instincts and appetites and override their own hunger because someone else has decided what, when and how much they should eat. That really is a recipe for a future eating disorder. It's also v different to a child only wanting ice cream. And v different to the situation the OP is in where it seems clear it goes beyond fussiness.

Last night my 22 month old and 3.5 year old refused to eat the casserole I put in front of them. They went to bed without anything else and were both served it for breakfast. The eldest ate it and the youngest threw a tantrum for a banana. He didn’t get the banana and so after an half an hour he changed his mind and indicated he wanted to go back in his high chair for the casserole. Which he then ate the lot of quite happily.
This is so, so upsetting. 22 months old! It's bullying behaviour and it will lead to problems- if not eating disorders, then the whole issue of having the anxiety of having a mother sending you to bed hungry when you're a toddler and being so controlling with food.

How does he cope with playing with new things? I would maybe try some sensory play with him to get used to touching things from different textures? You can also add some food items into sensory play so he can touch without pressure to eat?

What has worked slightly with a relative's older children is eating with other children and being involved in shopping and food preparation.

My daughter was always very good with food. Her cousins are fussy eaters. We started having them eat together and whilst her cousins improved - it was the opposite for my daughter.

Food started to be nasty, slimy and taste funny. It was all stuff she'd previously eaten happily. The parents/grandparents would pamper to them so they'd get crisps, sweets and chocolate as snacks and would get alternatives if they refused to eat what they'd been offered at meal times. They'd not be hungry but want desserts.

I have used TheBoldType's approach - but it was all food I knew she'd previously liked. It has worked but I find she wants her favourite food all the time and has said she doesn't like stuff if it's not her favourite rather than actively not liking something.