The mess is making me suicidal

@Whyme21

Have you looked in to getting some leotards/unitards?

You can use something like this and layer on top when it's cold.

www.amazon.co.uk/Mufeng-Sleeves-Biketard-Gymnastics-Turquoise/dp/B089GPJVT3/ref=mp_s_a_1_2_sspa?dchild=1&psc=1&keywords=boys%2Bleotards&th=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEyWFcxTk1MTTlIR0lCJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwODA0NjgzM0pGNUVWU09FNDZKSCZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUExMDI0NTE0MTFHQVVOSzJOQUgzRiZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX3Bob25lX3NlYXJjaF9hdGYmYWN0aW9uPWNsaWNrUmVkaXJlY3QmZG9Ob3RMb2dDbGljaz10cnVl&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1599851391&sr=8-2-spons

It should help stop the smearing.

Also is there any way to tire him out? Maybe a trampoline? Have you tried YouTube kids on a tablet? He might find choosing his own videos to watch more interesting than if you put something on for him, and I think it's very SN friendly since they just tap the image.

As for mess it's difficult.

Have you seen these?

www.amazon.co.uk/Munchkin-Miracle-Parent-White-Green/dp/B07HZMMZ2N/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=munchkin+360+parent&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1599851683&sr=8-1

I would also suggest using a plastic plate and adding food as he finishes. It might be easier to try this with finger foods without sauce.

That sounds so hard. You sound badly in need of a break - have you looked into the possibility?

I'm so sorry. Did you post a week or two ago? There was another mother sounding as desperate as you. It must be unsufferable.

Do you have any respite care? Please contact your GP or social worker and explain how distressing you are finding it. Is there any form of containing him to a space eg 2 rooms so at least you can contain the destruction? And have a separate room in the evening you can sit in that is nice and calm, eg your bedroom that has been triple locked closed?

In your shoes I feel I would certainly be considering some form of residential respite

Just another message of support. There has to be more out there to give you a rest from this relentless work for you. Sending strength. As others have suggested there may be provision which helps you.

Christ Almighty, I can only imagine how stressful your life must be. Do you have any family support (partner, parents etc) or is it just you? Do you get any respite at all apart from school.

I hate to ask as it might be an incredibly insensitive question, but is residential care an option for him? My friend eventually had to do this for her 18 yo son as he was just too big for her to physically cope with.

My heart goes out to you @Whyme21. I'm so sorry I have no experience and can't offer any help but I hope someone else can. It sounds so hard. But he needs you. Please do all you can to get help for you both (easy for me to say, I know).

can you get any respite care for a couple of days / nights a week? Does the council make provision for that kind of thing? sounds really tough, i hope you are getting all the support you could get.

Does his doctor know how difficult and destructive he is?
Can you put some locks on doors so he can’t access all of the rooms?
This sounds very stressful & exhausting.

This sounds awful to say. But is there no institution or residential school which will take him? You could visit regularly. I dont know how you cope x

Didn’t want to read and run. When I worked with children like this some also had respite care outside of school. Could you get something like that set up to lift the burden a little?

No advice I'm afraid but sending love to you both.

Can I ask what is the long term prognosis? What level of care will he require care all his life?

No advice but bumping this post for you - I'm so sorry and really hope something can change for you.