Moved home and hate it - want to move back!

We’ve moved a lot because of DH’s job. Please feel reassured that it takes 6 to 12 months for a new place to feel even remotely like home.

Try not to panic - you’ve had a hugely stressful time. It sounds like your nerves are all jangly (to quote my Nan). Don’t beat yourself up.

Give it time, be kind to yourself, and try to stay as calm and relaxed as poss. Try and make getting your bedroom sorted a priority - a lovely haven to rest and relax in.

Good luck

Xxx

The day we moved in I was so shocked at the state of the house without furniture a real doer upper. I drank gin and tonic sitting on the windowsill while the furniture was brought in. A lot of work later we enjoyed it for 20 years. Had to downsize eventually not happy in new house to start with but we have lovely neighbours it is close to shops, grand children so now happy here.

Give it time.

One house I lived in, there had been a suicide in - the old woman over the road told us as we were moving in

I was horrified.

Anyway.... when I mentioned it to another neighbour, she said ''It was a long time ago, back in the 1950's, and {Name} was a lovely person,
She'd more look after you than hurt you''

I never felt any nasty vibes, but it unnerved me a lot at the time.

Dad said ''Lots of people die in houses- Look at {a house built around 1600} loads of people would have died and been born there stop fussing''

The day we moved into our current home we did. Not actually own it due to mistakes by solicitors . And my father was seriously ill I was very stressed . The whole process was a disaster Then we found over the next few weeks a catalogue of hidden problems .

My OH went out to mow the front lawn and thought it was a bit boggy and realised the bath and washing machine and dishwasher were just emptying out into the garden ( not the drains )

The boiler packed in .

Everything that looked ok had been bodged basically. Even in refitted bathroom they had swept up and left the rubbish behind a bath panel .

I felt the same . What have we done . It’s a money pit.

But we got on with it . Did it up. And actually have been happy here .

15 years on just putting it on the market .

I mean this kindly. Its 3 miles. 3!!!!!!

OP, if you moved home to your parents because you were so homesick at university, is it simply that you're someone who is a fundamentally change-averse person who is very dependent on familiar surroundings and routines? In which case, you just need to give yourself time.

Op, why do you have the thought that you should get an exorcist in?

Do you feel betrayed by the previous owners not being honest about issues or feel foolish for not asking the right questions/checking for leaks, working shower etc. It will all cost money to rectify.

Your new 'perfect house' is a lemon. We viewed a lovely house many years ago and instinct made us get an in-depth survey. What it uncovered made us run for the hills very quickly. If you move again, perhaps get a very detailed survey which will uncover hidden issues. Best of luck.

I can't believe you didn't test the shower before you bought. I thought that was standard practice; you turn on all the faucets, flush the toilets, turn on the shower and the bathtub. It's just part of looking at a house.

Mum moved but still misses her old house like mad...And I miss my childhood home- A modest little Terrace...and still dream of it sometimes.

I think where we felt most secure we feel attached to?

Have you ever watched the film ''The Chain?''....The ending makes me cry! {about moving}...

Can you post a picture of the tomb? Mums netters i have found are very ingenious when it comes to suggestions. Are you rural or town/city? Is there any local groups you could join to try and feel like you fit in the neighbourhood? You say it's only 3 mile, has it made much of a difference to school catchments? Could that be a positive? I'm not quite sure how mortgages work, whether you're tied in for a time or not before you can move, but if you can say to yourself i've honestly tried my best and this house is not for me, I'd start the process of moving. Put up alerts with estate agents, they may contact you before a house goes on the market so to speak. Only you truly know but talk to DH and make a plan, everyone always feels better with a plan. Even if the plan is, we will do this house up and then if in a month it's still not right, we'll have done it up to sell it on and hopefully not make a loss.

OP, do you often make decisions without involving the rest of the family? Writing to the people you had just sold the house to does make it sound a bit like you expect to be able to make major decisions unilaterally. Surely if the whole family has just gone through the major upheaval of a move, their feelings count as much as yours do?

I felt horrified when we moved into our current house - it was run down and tatty and on a busy road. A few years later we've renovated the house and garden and I adore it and people always comment on what a beautiful house is. Just start with fixing up the things you dislike the most. The thing I most hated was our en suite bathroom which was dark brown and once we'd got that redone I was so much happier. Your new house sounds like it's got lots of things going for it - you just need to embrace it.

As well, moving is a massive thing you invest a lot of energy and project lots of hope into. It's normal to have a come down from that, and you will miss things. Let yourself grieve for them and then focus on your new home, which it will become.

One thing to take into account is that there is no going back to “before”. Even if you moved back, it won’t be the same as before. Especially since you’ve moved 3 miles for a very short time.

There's a life lesson in this.

No judgement. Just saying. Have been through similar but moved countries. Took 9 months to adjust.

There are two things that may be working here. One is that you have homesickness syndrome, where you are in constant yearning for the 'family' home. In which case the best course of action is therapy. The other is that you are right. Objectively that is. You moved to a worse house. You made a mistake. I think that is what you need to figure out.

Although you may be analytical in everyday life, in this area you have told us you are not. You have said you tend to act impulsively, and you want the old house now (an impossibility). The homesickness has come into your life on previous occasions so I would be inclined to think this is the reason you feel so bad now. You feel bad because you don't feel at home. The things in the new house that are not right would not bring down most people: they would be disappointed, yes, but it wouldn't feel insurmountable (I get the impression from your posts that it feels insurmountable to you).

On the other hand, you barely checked out the new house (impulsive). The traffic and parking would be a major deal to me and would be difficult to resolve.

You need to delve deep, dear, and have this convo with yourself. Toughy.

If you move back, you still won't have your old house. So you'll still be full of regrets, in fact more, because you'll be reminded every time you see your old house with someone else living in it. You've all had enough disruption, moving back would be more stress and a far worse mistake.

Better to stay in the nicer house with your friends and neighbours still within easy reach. Start counting your blessings and make it work .

I was one who gave up and went back to parents! Obviously a trait with me

You say this quite flippantly, but I think there really is an underlying here that counselling could really help you to explore. There's a fear of change, a dwelling on the past and an extremity of emotional reaction that all points to this being a (treatable!) mental health condition, not just a personal quirk.

sometimes I find its not good to think long term

so I would think about decorating as if I was going to sell, put some of my stamp on it but not think to long and hard about whats or wherefores

have a good old fashioned house warming - but obviously in the back garden and obeying social distancing - that way you make friends and get to know the neighbours. plenty to drink and tell people to bring their own nibbles due to virus as safer

then whitewash the room of doom

Also, discovering some unwanted surprises is normal when moving house. Annoying but not a massive issue as long as you have the money. Surely a broken shower is easily fixed?

You took twenty years to get your previous house to feel exactly as you wanted it to. You need to give this house a chance, you haven't given it the time and thought to make the changes that make a place your home. It sounds like you got it right with your old house, you can do it again with this one, and it will be even better than the last as it will be more spacious with the advantages that you bought it for.

You'll get used to the road, you can modify the garden to give you more privacy, your children will want to bring their friends home for play dates, you'll entertain some of your family or friends... gradually it will become yours. It just needs time. (And effort. And money.)

As PPs have said, it's bricks and mortar. YOU are what will make it a home, just as you did the last one. It isn't a mistake, it's just the shock of having to start again from the beginning.Take it a day at a time, give the meds time to take effect. (That doesn't happen overnight either.) This is just a phase, one day you'll be through to the other side with more equilibrium. Your old house was a previous phase of your life, you've moved on and that's okay.

Tricky one then! The crying and irrational reasoning is what makes me think homesickness. It's not about leaving parents - it's about leaving familiar, safe surroundings where you felt confident. Chances are you are looking back with rise tinted views. You have to try and remember why you wanted the move in the first place. Give yourself some time. You don't have to live in this house forever. You can always have the fall back plan that if you still feel this way in a year that you will try and move back. But in the meantime you have to stop moping about and try to enjoy the new place.

I suspect there is more going on here and you need to unpack what it is, maybe just a reaction to the absolutely terrible 6 months we have all had, or maybe something else that you might need help with understanding.

In the short term, you need to forget about moving back and make your new house a 'home'. You can fix nearly everything you have listed for instance, sort out the driving in (practise, can you put up mirrors), secondary glazing if the road noise is bothering you, paint your bedroom, change the kitchen, put up trellis or plant trees to reduce the overlooking.

If you still feel this way after a year or two then perhaps move then (with a more saleable house too) but not now. Concentrate on your mental health and your family.

I have moved a few times and out of 6 moves, I definitely didn't look back for 2 of them. 1 of those I knew pretty instantly on moving in that it was the wrong choice... but I could never have know before I bought ehm. The other moves still had me wobbling in the first few weeks, even the move I have just made to an amazing house which I know is wonderful and we will be very, very happy in (and in fact are already).

Stop, breathe and work out what is going on. Please don't be like a former friend of mine who keeps moving (and across the country) and is never happy. One of her children was in 4 primaries before the age of 6 (including one where they didn't speak English!).

Took me 4 years to settle in my home , we moved for all the right reasons but I just didn’t feel settled. Thankfully I stayed put because I now love it , it really feels like home x