Am AIBU to think Covid has changed us all?

its not the virus itself but your reaction to it that changes people

Oh I think you'll find that the virus itself can change people.

I think there is a lot of hyperbole on here, where everyone is either painted to be living in abject, irrational fear or uncaring Covid deniers. In reality, looking around my small world of friends, family and neighbours...I see a mix of people muddling through, trying to help each other out, care for each other and entertain each other in an unprecedented and uncertain time, with the ocassional outlier of people getting angry about the restrictions.

As for my family. To be honest we always have a hospital bag packed, not out of a sense of impending doom, but because ds has had many dashes to hospital, and it makes life a lot easier, if there is an overnight bag packed!

Ds has been shielding, so at the beginning we updated his hospital passport (on the advice of LD CAMHS) because this is a vital document if ds has to go to hospital, we made sure medicine instructions were up to date, we set lockdown rules in place.

Ds (10) and his sisters (13 and 14) and I stayed in, lucky to have a lovely garden, and for dh to be able to work throughout. The girls did work set for them, I wrangled some 'homeschool' from ds. I tried to make sure they kept in touch with friends. I organised an online Art Club and did some work for the preschool I normally work at.

We very occasionally went for a remote walk in the middle of nowhere. We organised shopping for my mum (also shielding) and I spoke to her on the phone 2 or 3 times a day, she kept busy and was happy, painting and knitting, but missing her grandchildren and friends in town.

We washed down our online shopping and dh showered and changed when he got home.

Apart from an awful few weeks in June, when my mum died suddenly, we have had a really strange but lovely, time feeling incredibly close as a family, and appreciating small things. Ds is the healthiest he's been for a couple of years, he's put on weight, grown taller and his anxiety is 1000% less.

As shielding eased we went a bit further afield for remote walks and picnics and tea by the sea. The girls saw a couple of friends, I had a friend over for coffee in the garden.

This is ok....the bit I'm finding hard is now. Grieving my mum felt like it was paused...I can feel it there in the background. I hate the 'New Normal' with things being nearly the same but not quite, like an Uncanny Valley life but with more masks and hand gel. I feel real anger when I watch the news, and have to be really careful not fall down a hole of impotent fury over how this government have handled and are handling things. I am very worried about the tightrope walk of ds and the dds going back to school...with Winter bugs, the uncertainty of whether the risk is too high, the potential upheaval and ds's medical vulnerability, which I'm supposed to pretend has gone away.

On here, I would probably be portrayed as neurotic and unreasonable, but like everything it's all a bit more nuanced than that.

It made me realise how we should cherish and enjoy life. It made me lose weight and get fit. It made me aware of how lovely many of my neighbours are and how we all have a part to play to make a community. It made me grateful for my home and even prouder of my adult children. It made me want to push my retirement forward.

Our family has become closer.

I have become frustrated with litterers and selfish people though. It’s made me want to move to the middle of nowhere!

I agree @Livelovebehappy some people really stepped up - work colleagues, teachers at one of my children's school, care workers at family members home, some neighbours, volunteers etc ...... then others showed their lazy or negative side... some work colleagues dreadfully lazy, one school extremely poor home learning for child (despite asking constantly), some very selfish individuals.

I hope that the great individuals will see the rewards for their efforts

I think there has been some positive change - I've never been able to arrange more than 1-2 days homeworking per month in the past; I've now been working fully from home since mid-March and at the moment it's looking like when I do return to the office it will be for 1-2 days per month only (and that won't be until next year). The benefit for me is it will enable my partner and I - he lives 200 miles away - to spend a lot more time together, as he is also WFH. So I can stay at his for a week at a time or vice versa as opposed to just weekends.

The number of businesses that have collapsed is scary though, I went to a large town on Saturday and the footfall in the shopping centre was probably a quarter of a normal weekend. It worries me as to how businesses will survive.

I do hear of a lot of people who are pretty much still terrified to leave the house, or go to a shop or restaurant, won't send their children back to school 'until it's safe', are still bleaching their shopping etc. And those fears are definitely being passed to their children too :(

I have some older relatives and friends of the family who lived through the war (albeit as very young children) or were born shortly after, and their reaction is completely different. They are out and about, trying to live their daily lives as much as possible - one said to me that as they're over 80, they wanted to make the most of the time they have left, not spend it sat at home terrified.

I've really taken stock and as we come out the other side and life is crazily busy again I'm going to make a conscious effort not to allow life to runaway from me again.

Me too, there isn’t really a terrible hardship to not visit shops all the time and do it online instead, and half of the things we were doing as a family weren’t as important as I’d once thought. There were definite costs, but as many benefits too.

I also agree that when society looks back and really looks it will be seen as a massive overreaction. I honestly do not know what to say to this. Who overreacted? What specifically should not have been done? And why? Are you advocating people should have ‘just carried on’?

I've changed.

In some ways for the better.

I'm less stressed now. Before this I use to take ds swim training 6 times a week and competitions and work FT.

Getting to supermarket always felt like a chore, cooking for fuel not enjoyment, very tired and a bad diet. Worried about housework being perfect and everything being run to a military fashion.

Ok, we have less to do because swimming only just starting and no competitions and ds will be starting college.

But I've learnt how to enjoy downtime. How to relax. How going for a walk can be enjoyable and you don't need to try and arrange exiting activities .

Gone back to batch cooking and enjoying it.

Back to meals at the table with ds.

I've really taken stock and as we come out the other side and life is crazily busy again I'm going to make a conscious effort not to allow life to runaway from me again.

I'm not saying I've enjoyed this I haven't. It's been bloody hard and continues to be and there are many negatives.

But I'm certainly using the effect it's had on my MH to try and take stock and come out the other side with a more balanced lifestyle.

The mental health repercussions are going to be huge from this. Isn’t that a scaremongering statement in itself?!

I think the fear of dying was ramped up so much that perfectly healthy people who have a bigger chance of dying in a car crash have become fearful, terrified and hysterical. The many posts on here show how ridiculous some have become.

Yes this virus kills very vulnerable or very elderly but even in that group the statistics show still a great chance of survival.

The numbers dying of other causes seem largely ignored and the focus has been covid and nothing else seems to matter.

I agree that some people have developed into curtain twitching, nosy busy bodies, shouting at people who don't wear masks, don't do x y or z. The ones on here asking if they shout report this and that to the police. Some really nasty interfering types emerged but of course they would scream 'you will die' to anyone who attempts to raise a sane point.

I also agree that when society looks back and really looks it will be seen as a massive overreaction.

It is sad that still despite very low numbers in a population of 67 million fit young people are still very fearful and sadly their mental health has been affected.

I saw somebody yesterday sitting on a bench in a balaclava, goggles, an industrial type mask, and rubber gloves. I thought at first he was doing something manual but he was just somebody who had taken the message Stay Alert very much to heart and had protected himself in an OTT way. The mental health repercussions are going to be huge from this.

It’s changed the way I see my work colleagues. Some really stepped up and worked hard to keep the business going. Others saw the whole lockdown as a green light to refuse to come into work for spurious reasons, leaving the rest of us to pick up the slack. We had some that read that if you were over the BMI with your weight that you were more at risk with covid. Result was that some refused to come into work, who were only a little above their BMI. This was some people who I’d previously had a lot of respect for.

@Afternooninthepark I’m sorry for your MIL. I think it is possibly one of the things that could have been better had we been more ‘concerned’ in January and February - more time to manage the health service to manage the Covid patients AND those needing cancer treatment or other care to prolong life. By ignoring it until the last minute, and getting so many cases in ICU many other service had to be diverted.

Not every country had to divert those services, because they were ‘concerned’ earlier, took the pandemic more seriously earlier, and managed health services better. We had some time because Italy was hit hard, time we did not use.

Also people's willingness to believe every scaremongering news headline and random people spouting their crackpot theories on FB.

Although it really is a pandemic, a fact not scaremongering!

I think some people can’t handle adjustment to risk, and so go a bit extreme and seem to know a lot of people who are ‘it’s all terrible fear and people are cowering in their homes’. I don’t know anyone cowering in their homes. I know people who are such an extreme risk or are ICU workers who have had to live away from family. Heart goes out to them, but they are not just silly people, they are taking very sensible steps to manage risk either to themselves or other people.

I has made me realise how fragile life really is and that for most of us our healthcare is in the hands of our leaders and decisions made by them. My mother in law is currently in a hospice at end of life. The treatment which could have given her a few more years with us and her grandchildren was withdrawn/put on hold because of Covid and now it is to late for her and many, many others.

I think it’s made me realize how good and compassionate most people are.

Yes, it has changed me, but not for the better or worse. I am not scared by Coronavirus. I think I had it back in Feb and whilst it was really horrible, it is not going to stop me going about my daily life now.

Lockdown made me realise who my real friends and support network are and it made me see that I need to stop doing things for other people and focus on my own family and myself. I used to volunteer for a charity and I've given that up. That sounds horrible and selfish but my paid job has been screwed over (now not going f/t as planned due to Coronavirus) and I was doing things for others at the expense of my own health and happiness and I am not prepared to do that anymore. For the first time in my life I think that I need to take care of my self, so I can take care of my family and that is all I have the energy and mental space for coming out of this pandemic.

On the plus side - lots of needed family time, great food, some laughs and the reset button hit very hard.

I've been astonished by the lack of common sense. The media have been appalling with their gleeful scaremongering. I've lost all trust in the BBC.

It has made me realise how gossamer thin civility is. If you think back to the toilet roll wars, the sheer greed and selfishness of how people behaved. You look at the benign NHS clapping, a kind thing which turned into a competition or judgements about why no 9 was not out. I am sure there were lots of acts of individual kindnesses but the overarching impression has been one of division. I am wary of people now, in a way I wasn't before.

It has made me realise that the throwaway line that people behave like sheep has some validity. Some people just hear a message that is put out and repeat it parrot fashion without applying critical thought or doing own research. It has made me realise that you can't rely on "others" somewhere more knowledgeable and educated are making right decisions. It has made me realise how coercive and downright nasty the media is, including social media platforms. It has made me realise how vacuous celebrities are with their endless Tik Toking banal performances during lockdown, or those rentagobs like Piers Morgan using the pandemic and to get more global attention in his usual over hysterical way.

It has made me realise that it's ok to be an introvert. It has made me realise that I prefer a simple life. I don't miss shops (I don't go in them because of one way systems and masks) but I have massively reduced online spending too. It has made me appreciate nature, technology, books, music, the fact I can work from home. It has made me appreciate my DH. We have spent a lot of time together in a small flat with no outside space and we have got on brilliantly, which was a surprise. Commuting and the long days made us tetchy, it wasn't us!

It’s made me realise how much paranoia is out there

I won't forget the periods in this where I've been close to suicidal. I've had anxiety for a long time, but never this bad.

I don't think it's changed us significantly but I've seen a change in some more greatly affected, most of all two who've had Covid with long effects months afterwards and one friend in her twenties who shielded, had had her work massively affected and she's lost a patent. Their approach to life and work is now quiet different.

I think it has exposed a lack of critical thinking and people's inability to correctly interpret statistics, which I find worrying.

This, I couldn't agree more. It also includes how many people are incapable of interpreting guidelines and following advice. I'll never forget how people reacted that first weekend before Boris actually locked us all down. They did the complete opposite to what he advised and recommended, clearly showing that as a majority people just cant think critically and follow advice.

Then there's the toilet rolls and pasta, people as a whole really did surprised me as to how badly they coped with it all. Even when I had to deal with some of our customers, some were so scared, in fact even one of my employees too. Their fear over it and their way of reacting to it was very severe, I did feel worried for them and how they'd actually function during it all!!!
I mean, I worried, yes. But I did see the need to be able to find away to manage the worry and find a way to live whilst all this was going on, some just couldn't.