As a nurse for over 20 years, I have had quite a few ‘moments’ over that time. I can recall countless occasions when I have been caring for end of life patients, where the patient seems to have held on until they have managed to see their last visitor, then shortly after that final relative leaves, the patient slips away, could be coincidental but I like to think there is some choice making at the time.
One of my patients did spook me one night though. He was in a side room and the door had a glass window in it. This man was nearing the end of his life, and I had been trying to go into him more regularly, he had not slept well for a long time and quite often sat chatting to him in the small hours. I had gone into his room and then stood just inside with my back to the door, saw he was awake and told him I was just checking in to see if he was ok. The patient looked at me with a terrified look on his face, I asked him what was wrong, and said I was there with him, we could see the night out together, I said that night time was always a difficult time when we are worried because everything seems worse at night. The patient carried on looking straight at me, almost through me, then he said “It’s not the night I am scared of, it’s him”, I asked him who he meant, his reply was “The tall, dark, figure. The one with the hood on, and the staff in his hand. He wants to take me, but I’m not ready yet, not yet”. I just stood there, forcing a smile as I moved towards my patient, I was too terrified to turn around! I think the patient sensed this, because he commented that he could see I didn’t want to turn around, so I did and caught my own reflection in the door window! Pulled myself together after that and sat with him for a good while, when I left his room, I had to walk the length of the dark corridor, my heart rate definitely raised that night. That dear man passed away 2 nights later, I was there and I am glad to say he went peacefully and without fear.