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Original poster

To have smacked my child

162 replies

Temporarilyc · 27/04/2020 00:22

I've name changed for this because I'm ashamed of myself and will make no excuses for my behaviour. I suppose I'm looking for somebody to tell me I'm not the terrible person I believe I am but am prepared to be told otherwise.

On Saturday I smacked my three year old on the arm, it didn't leave a mark but it was hard enough that it made him cry and shocked him.

I have always been very "anti smacking" yet lost control of myself in the heat of the moment.

The reason it happened (but not an excuse) is because he was lashing out and bit his one year old sibling on the arm hard enough to leave deep teeth marks which are still visible today. I was exhausted and frustrated and lost control.

He has forgotten all about it but the guilt is eating me up.

I want to go and get him out of bed and bring him in with me just so I can hold him, love him and make amends for what I've done. (I won't because he's sleeping, but the urge is strong)

I haven't told DH because I'm a hypocrite, when discussing discipline pre children I made a blanket rule that we would never use physical punishment. DH thinks there is nothing wrong with a tap on the hand whereas I disagreed so made him promise never to do that.

Am I the scum of the earth or is this something you've done too in the heat of the moment?

I hate myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Temporarilyc · 27/04/2020 00:32

It was reactionary yes, though the biting has been a regular occurrence as of late which we are trying to curb but I've not been compelled to respond in that way until this last time. I've shocked myself.

OP posts:
2kids2cats1me · 27/04/2020 00:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Temporarilyc · 27/04/2020 00:30

I've never felt guilt like it so I know I would never do it again. I needed to get it out and talk about it because it's eating me up.

I was never smacked as a child and vowed to never do it to my own. It was an isolated incident which has never happened before but I really hate myself for it.

OP posts:
ScarfLadysBag · 27/04/2020 00:29

Also it sounds like it was perhaps a reactionary reflex to get him to stop hurting his sibling? I don't think I could get worked up about that kind of intervention if it was because he was in danger of causing serious damage to another child.

HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 27/04/2020 00:29

OP you know it isn't great, you lost control but you aren't a terrible person or a terrible mother. You learn from your mistakes and try not to do them again. Please be kind to yourself and look for some good coping strategies - everyone is pushed to the limit at the moment, so forgive yourself.

Kasabian23 · 27/04/2020 00:28

Oh well, what's done is done. Maybe just remember in future how you felt when you did this and control yourself a bit better next time. It's not the end of the world.

minipie · 27/04/2020 00:28

Nobody’s going to say on here that they have smacked their child OP.

The good thing is you aren’t trying to justify or minimise it. Remember how awful you feel right now and resolve never to do it again. Good luck.

ScarfLadysBag · 27/04/2020 00:27

You're not the scum of the earth. If you were, you wouldn't feel like you do about it. You know it wasn't a good thing to happen so I don't think you need a MN pile on (but you'll probably get one anyway).

TyneTeas · 27/04/2020 00:27

Here is a link to a good free resource that you can access straight away from the NSPCC about Positive Parenting

www.nspcc.org.uk/services-and-resources/research-and-resources/2016/positive-parenting/

"Balancing the various demands parents have to cope with isn't easy and all parents can come under pressure or stress from time to time.

"This guide shares practical advice and tips for positive parenting techniques that work well for children - from babies to teenagers. These techniques encourage better behaviour and help parents find out what works for them and their child."

Good luck, recognising something needs to change is a good start

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 27/04/2020 00:27

Meh. I think smacking a child who's having a good chew on a babies arm is more reactionary than anything.......it's instinctive. It's not as tho you planned it a week in advance and gave him a good beating 🙄

I mean it's not ideal. And don't make a habit of it but I tend to save my wrath for actual child abusers, not someone who's tapped their kid on the arm. 💁🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Temporarilyc · 27/04/2020 00:25

Believe me I know

OP posts:
Kasabian23 · 27/04/2020 00:23

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