To have smacked my child

Both you and your Son will be fine, you are not a perfect Mother, there is no such thing. he very fact you feel bad shows that you are a loving caring Mum. What your Son done was wrong and you reacted to stop him hurting your baby. Dont beat yourself up about it anymore. Of course all the pretend perfect Mothers on here will be out in force telling you that they have never as much as raised their voice to their angels

I have never smacked my older child, but when my 3yo had dug his nails into her arm and was twisting her flesh round and she was screaming I smacked his arm to make him let go. Like you I felt terrible at the time, but realistically, he was hurt less than if I'd tried to prise his hand open and away from DD, and would I hit an adult if they were doing that to my child? Fucking right, a light smack on the arm wouldn't come close.

I smacked my eldest once when he bit me. It was so quick, it felt like a reflex. I still remember how horrible I felt and it was twenty years ago now. He has no memory of it and he didn’t bite me again.

You won’t have done any lasting damage and you likely won’t do it again. None of us is perfect. Good luck with getting him to stop.

There are some good books on biting to read with children to help them understand at their level.

I don’t think an occasional smack given when a situation is dangerous for someone is a bad thing. It is sometimes the shock factor that’s needed to make them realise they have crossed the line of what is acceptable. Also young children don’t always have the language and understanding yet for long explanations as to why something is wrong, they are reacting physically themselves to the way they feel.

Pretty much all mammal parents will use some kind of physical discipline to show that line has been crossed which is why I think we sometimes to react physically towards our children in moments like that. We might ‘know’ better logically but instinct still takes over at times.

You will not be the first or the last. It was a protection instinct to someone harming one of your children even though it was one of your other children.

OP I'm not a parent so probably can't offer the advice you need but please stop chastising yourself. The remorse you feel is punishment enough - we've all lost our temper and if it was a one off it's not the end of the world! My mother smacked me once on my thigh (way back in the 90s) hard enough to leave a hand mark. Only happened once but she says she still thinks about it now! I never thought of her of less of a mother - one smack isn't enough to call yourself a bad person.

To give another idea on the biting thing, i use time out for my three year old twins and it works very well. If they bite, hit, pinch etc they get one chance to say sorry properly, otherwise they go to time out. They hate time out because it means that are then removed from all the fun so it's a great immediate consequence. The loss of the ipad etc is too remote and nothing to do with what they actually did. Talking about why they shouldn't bite doesnt really have any effect on them. They just don't have any empathy. I went from "now we don't bite your brother because it really hurts him and look you've made him all upset and you've left a mark on his arm, your poor brother" to "you're going to time out because you bit your brother. You do not bite". After a few minutes if theyve sat there nicely they say sorry then they can come and play again, and then it's all over and done with, we all move on. They very very rarely do it now.

Whilst I don't agree with hitting and smacking children as discipline/ learning, don't beat yourself up, you weren't using a belt or cane, you weren't enjoying the hitting and doing it for your own gratification or feeling of self worth. Your child wasn't beaten or bruised black and blue.
Your other child was hurt and you reacted. Reflect on how you'll react next time. Biting siblings is something you'll have to deal with for a bit, it'll pass, just have strategies up your sleeve. Honestly, reflect yes but move on ... and don't listen to unhelpful people on the thread

OP, it's all well and good taking him out and showing him you love him today but that won't stop him doing that again.

Three is a really really tough age (or rather, it is with my boys). And biting is a bugger to sort, I wish I could give you advice on tackling it. Maybe naughty step, is three too young for that? Or about right? I can't remember what age we began to do that.

I have a very clear memory of me smacking my eldest when he was three.
It was horrible and I regret it greatly. It's etched in my mind.

I think next time it happens put him on time out, or th naughty step, or make him face the wall and think about why it might be wrong, and then go and speak to him about what's happened. I agree with pp who said taking him out for a walk is sort of rewarding the behaviour.

I think it wasn't the right reaction but you have to get over the guilt.

Kasabian23 I can guarantee your affair will harm your kids more than the OP smacking her kid on the arm once!

@astrogirl99 YYY to that.

Please don't feel that you are a bad person/parent because you aren't! You're remorse is evident of a good parent. Sadly there are people out there who are cruel and physically abusive to children A one off smack to stop your child causing your baby damage is not abuse and any honest parent will understand this.
You seem like a great mum and I think coming on here for advice was very brave. Thankfully most posters understand how difficult parenting can be and are supporting you. I doubt very much that any of us can look back when our kids are adults and say we got it 100% right. We did our best but weren't perfect

Please, please don't be hard on yourself about this.

Your child will not suffer from one smack in an otherwise loving relationship with patient and kind parents who love and respect each other.

I wouldn't go overboard trying to make up for it. You apologised. Your child has moved on. You should too.

Stay firm and consistent about the biting. It has to be stopped.

Well, I expected people to jump at your throat so I'm pleasantly surprised to see some nuance in responses.

As a child I'd get slapped on the cheek for misbehaving (on the bum for big offenses). It didn't damage me and it didn't teach me hitting is okay, I was perfectly able to make the difference between discipline and just hitting. And I always knew what I'd done to deserve it. It always makes me snort when people scream child abuse for the lightest smacks.

And you know, I blame my parents for a lot of things but this isn't one of them.

That bite mark looks positively nasty and that smack on the arm well-deserved. If your smack had left a mark it would have been too hard, but it didn't. So don't beat yourself up.

@Kasabian23 I don't know anyone who's life has been ruined by a very occasional gentle smack as a child.

I do, however, know several whose lives have been ruined by infidelity.

I don't know if this helps but when my DD bit me a few times, I loudly said no straight away and then moved away from her.
It may better to make the no faster by not going over to him and then taking baby immediately away so she gets the "attention" rather than him?

Op I was always smacked as a child, when I broke my mums washing line or when I would beat my older sister up 🙈 It has not had any lasting effect of me other than I got a smack on the bum when I did something that was WRONG!

He will be fine! Just try to control yourself next time but you also need to sort out the biting, at his age he should know it is wrong to bite especially a younger child...

Sorry about all the typos. Im.half asleep

Op i had a biter it was soul destroying. I used to dread nursery pickup in case i got an incident report, luckily i didnt have other parents going abdolutely fucking wild at me 🙄

I remember breastfeeding ger brother and she puckered up for what i thought was a kiss and she bit him on the head. With ds clamped to my boob i just instinctly pushed and she fell off the couch - never felt do guilty in my life. It was strange could never preempt it (wasnt in midst if temper etc) so had to constantly helicopter.

Some kids unfortunately go through a biting phase, its horrible but doesnt make them monsters, dd is 10 now not bit anyone in years 🤣. Ignore the judgy comments your doing a great job, and some one on one time might do the both of you the world of good.

Kasabian23
The whole point is you went for the jugular in the first instance then changed your tune. As an outsider looking in, it is pretty easy to conclude you only saw subsequent posts weren’t going your way. If you don’t want to be accused of being a mean girl, don’t be mean.