To be annoyed at IVF comments

@EL8888
Absolutely! the same people would probably scream until they are blue in the face if the NHS suddenly turned around and stopped free prescriptions for pregnant women earning over a certain threshold.
If it doesn't impact them - they don't give a shit.

The approx. cost to the taxpayer of antenatal care is £1,590 - £4,233. A straightforward birth with the short stay in hospital is around £3,282. Postnatal care can cost up to £1,207.

Some of us have had several naturally conceived babies on the NHS. I’m sure my choice to have more than 1 child cost more than IVF and a successful IVF pregnancy and birth.

I feel like people who had their children easily just cannot understand. It is a need. The pain of infertility is incomprehensible unless you’ve been through it.

I will confess to not having read the full thread. As someone who has suffered with infertility for 8 years and sees no end, I hear you loud and clear, and you are absolutely NOT being unreasonable.

@bee222 these kind of threads bring out the worst in people. Lots of the self righteous and smug who have crawled out from somewhere to take a pop at the OP

The NHS is a choice not a given. It is tax payer funded, not a charity and needs to reflect the needs of all who need it and contribute to it. There are alternatives - those alternatives (private medical plans) sometimes offer better options to infertile women. No group should be ostracised as all groups contribute and people without children are more likely to be net contributors when considered as a family unit.

I wonder too if the group of people who believe that ‘critical’ (aka diseases that apply to me) illnesses need to be prioritised take this attitude to monetary spending on ALL levels? If so, are you requesting withdrawal of finance from the arts? Sports? Community events? none of these activities are strictly necessary? Children’s centres? And what about vasectomies? Miscarriage investigations? Because we only have money for priorities yes?

@JustAboutHoldingItIn because it was a bit of the classic infertilty bingo. OP made a passing reference to it but actually wants to do IVF

@DellAmorenonsia

Sigh.

If you had read my message you would already know the answer to your questions. I don’t qualify for funded IVF and no I cannot afford it privately either currently. Me being impacted by my own opinion doesn’t mean I should change my opinion though, life isn’t just about me and what I want for myself and what would benefits me on a personal level. Did you know that only 4% of the research budget for Cancer go to childhood cancer? Plenty of essential medical treatments and research is currently underfunded, things that could save already existing lives. So yes, while not having natural kids will be sad for me on a personal level, if defunded IVF means more money for things that could save lives (especially kids lives) I am all for taking the loss. I would personally feel wrong to get free IVF when kids are still dying from gruesome pediatric cancers with no survival chances like DIPG, like I have unfortunately witnessed, because there is no money for research. It’s not me being “blasé”, it’s me being pragmatic.

HaveLock, you don't have to of tried IUI or insemination to get IVF as a lesbian couple.

Yanbu. For some people the desire to have children is based on an innate biological drive, to be unable to have a child when you want one is unbelievably painful.

The NHS funds lots of stuff that is not 'essential' or life saving (Viagra for example), it's not a charity, if you pay NI you are entitled to use it.

After years of infertility I finally have my baby, I hope you will too OP xx

I'm fuming at some of these replies op , a baby isn't a right , miscarriage and baby loss is meant to be ECT ECT honestly do people actually believe that shit? We spend more on.missed gp appointments then we do ivf for God same how can people want to.begrudge someone a chance of happiness?

• @JustAboutHoldingItIn OP never asked about adoption. She posted about IVF*

Yes, I can read. And comment. OP mentioned both adoption and IVF and I chose to put my thoughts down about both aspects and my experience. Like many other posters. I'm not sure why you have taken issue with that.

@Linning you're clearly talking through your hat here - lesbians are just as entitled to fertility treatment as heterosexuals. If insemination or IUI fails you can access NHS IVF the same as anyone else

I went through IVF but it did not work for me. I did survive though. I have a life that I enjoy. I would not want anyone to think that if you want a baby but can't have one that your life is over. It feels a bit taboo to say this but it is true.

for you OP. I wish you every luck in your treatment when it resumes.

As someone who has gone through IVF , it was like my future had been destroyed along with my hope and dreams. Amazingly I am grateful to say I have two beautiful children (both IVF) but I can't forget that agonising feeling.

It's devastating. It becomes an obsession. My issue wasn't becoming pregnant. It was staying pregnant. I had miscarriage after miscarriage, and having already confirmed those pregnancies nothing could have prepared me for the devastation of those losses, or for knowledge, once I knew I had those babies inside me, or how much I loved and wanted them.

There were myriad possible reasons why it was happening but nothing confirmed. We at last succeeded in having one healthy child, but his twin died so I've never known a pregnancy where I didn't experience a devastating loss. We were never able to have more. I was really sad, but after what we went through I was grateful to have the one.

It cost our life savings, expensive investigations like Chicago blood tests for elevated killer cells, hidden clamydia tests, numerous intrusive examinations, investigations, attempts with Clomid, failed IVF cycles and one successful. In total this must have seen off in excess of £80,000. But I have my beautiful DS, and would have sold the last thing I owned if it meant the chance to have him.

If other women get instantly knocked up then bully for them, but it doesn't give them more of a 'right' to be mothers than those who have to work so hard for it. And I'm among the lucky ones. There are other women like me who never ended up holding their longed-for baby.

I agree with the PP above. It's one of the worst threads I've read on Mumsnet. The country wastes huge sums of money on causes that are far less worthy, and if you're among the ones who ends up paying for this treatment, you pay handsomely. You can trust me on this.

Much empathy, sympathy and positivity goes out to anyone who is suffering through this. I hope your time will come.

@FraughtwithGin

A baby on demand? that is what you think IVF and fertility treatment is? it's not a supermarket where you can just go demand a baby. How woefully ignorant and naive of you. Have some empathy.

It's very much a need for lots of people. Mother nature is strong. We are programmed to want to reproduce hence we are all here. To say it's a want is imo the equivalent of saying antidepressants or assess to mental health care is a want not a need (and obviously its not). We are designed to have children and if we cant then our body's should get the help they need to achieve it. The same way we help when other systems dont work they way they should. If you have a strong maternal/paternal drive which lots of do (without it the human race would be long gone imo) it's very much a need to have children.

People who haven't been though infertility and baby loss do not understand and cannot understand what it's like OP and shouldn't comment on these things ,of course it should be funded infertility is awful and this " well you should adopt " attitude comes from complete ignorance , adoption is a difficult and long road to go down , there isn't enough newborns for the amount of people that want them and there are all kinds of issues plus some people don't want the addition stress of an abused \neglected child it's not nice but it's true one of my closest freind s is the head social worker for our area (I also did after school child minding for her children)and the difficulty s some family's face with children not settling and life long troubles of children who have been abused and also unfit parents fighting tooth and nail for years to keep there babies (even though they have long term substance abuse issues)so they end up in long term foster care is awful, it's not as easy as picking a happy healthy child from the baby supermarket 😒, I'm so sorry your ivf was cancelled i hope you get your little miracle soon xxx

Infertility is not a disease.
Infertility may be caused by a disease.
Infertility affects both women and men.
However, the state/NHS should not be obliged to provide a child "on demand" just because people are having fertility problems.
The success rate for IVF is somewhere around 15%, which is a low ROI.

I have no idea what it's like to be infertile but i completely sympathise with you op. I think everyone deserves a shot at becoming a parent and should someone need ivf to facilitate this i think it should be provided for, obviously not during covid but in normal circumstances. People that are this bitchy clearly need to have more empathy

The comments on this thread are some of the worst I have ever seen on mumsnet.
Honestly - some of you should be absolutely ashamed of yourselves.
It's so easy to make your nasty comments to someone struggling with fertility when you have your kids all nicely tucked up in bed.

Someone even managed to weave in that people with depression should fund their own treatment because they don't want an American style insurance system. Take a step back and listen to what you are saying.

I'm pregnant now but previously tried to take my own life during my struggles with fertility. I was be DEAD now if I was forced to fund my own treatment.

But it isn't a need. It's a want. It may be something you want greatly, but that doesn't make it become a need.

For some people, including me, it is absolutely a need. It is consuming me. I've never known anything like it.

Until you've been in this situation you can't possibly comprehend what it is like.

Please ignore my message put on the wrong post, sorry