To be annoyed at IVF comments

I was only entitled to one IVF cycle. The egg collection process only produced one immature egg, and I was told the there was only a 1-5% chance of IVF resulting in a healthy baby so my DH and I decided that paying privately for another IVF cycle wasn't worth the cost or the pain and chose to adopt instead. We now have 2 DDs, birth sisters of 11 and 8.

Adoption isn't for everyone, and if you're not ready to give up the dream of having bio DC you shouldn't go down that road. (It was easier for me, as I knew that IVF wouldn't work.) Social workers are quick to spot it if you haven't come to terms with not conceiving a baby yourself.

I would recommend therapy. I only had it at the time because it was a 'hoop' to go through before I could apply to adopt, but it was very helpful to me.

You are not being unreasonable at all. People who are lucky enough to have children, or have never gone through the pain of a miscarriage will ever have the slightest clue what it is like. Just ignore them x

I agree with others - get this moved to the infertility boards where you will find kind and caring people going through the same thing.

Absolute bunch of snakes on this forum.

I feel sorry for you OP that people still don't understand but I don't blame those people because most of those people haven't experienced the thing they're saying shouldn't be offered publicly so they can't empathise.

Surely people who've been able to have children naturally should be able to imagine how they would feel if they hadn't been able to have them.

YANBU.

People not wanting IVF to be available on the NHS are v short-sighted. People will go abroad to countries with poorer standards and come back pregnant with multiples which will generally require v expensive NICU treatment.

I feel like all issues can be taken at face value, unless you're suffering from them and then you see the nitty gritty. You understand the caused and the consequences, and when you understand those you understand why it should be available publicly.

Infertility should be offered publicly, as should help for addictions, obesity, mental health issues, sleep issues, life shortening issues, sporting issues that may impact the quality of someone's life once their identity has been taken away from them and so on.

Taking away IVF wasn't done lightly, but by limiting that service it prevents more people from becoming vulnerable either directly or indirectly because of it. It doesn't stop the devastating mental health challenges that people overlook unless you've been in that position. Access to mental health services has also been limited in this time so all of these women with infertility issues, all of these people with addictions, all of these people whose identities have been taken away for an indefinite amount of time and so on are all struggling.

I feel sorry for you OP that people still don't understand but I don't blame those people because most of those people haven't experienced the thing they're saying shouldn't be offered publicly so they can't empathise.

YANBU to be sad over this. Im so sorry you are going through this.

I can see on the flip side though how the NHS will have to pull back on everything. My autistic child has already had his appointments cancelled, and he has been really, really struggling. We needed this help and had waited almost a year for it . So don’t think fertility treatments are the only thing here being taken away at the moment.

I agree, OnlyFools, if you think people with infertility get it in the neck, obese people get roasted on threads like this (I'm not obese myself).

NO- I wouldn't say that that needing IVF is a disease!!! Myself included, the vast majority of childless couples have no known cause for their infertility. I do not have a disease!

I do sympathise, after 9yrs TTC and 2 losses. Its a postcode lottery re IVF too. Some areas don't allow any on NHS, even if under age 40, others have restrictions on age, BMI, smoking etc.

Yes, its stressful at times, and comments can be difficult, but not everyone going through it needs anti-depressants or counselling either.

I never understand why these arguments stick to IVF rather than other Comparable non-essential surgeries and procedures the NHS offers.

Oh wait, I remember, because it’s always fun to throw women under the bus

I bet people who get up on their high horse about the “cost” of IVF on the NHS didn’t feel an ounce of guilt for the cost to the NHS of bringing their “non-essential” child into the world.

It's cruel of people who know you are having IVF to say that to you. I don't think the NHS should fund IVF but wouldn't tell someone who's having it that, I'd keep those thoughts to myself.

I don’t like the judgement against obese people in these debates. Usually obesity is caused by some trauma so again can be argued in terms of mental health underfunding.

I have sympathy. But having a baby is not a right.

Save and improve existing lives rather than bring new lives in the world

Providing fertility treatment massively improved the lives of those of us stuck in this hell.

I mean fair enough limit the criteria cap the number of attempts but to say don't give the chance at all is wrong in my opinion this is interesting, why should it be capped if it’s the right to have a child and assist with the disease. Genuine question

I have every sympathy, as I wasn’t able to have children due to infertility. But during my childbearing years I lived in America and there was no option for me to do anything but pay for IVF. I think that’s the norm in many countries. It’s heartbreaking, but I really don’t believe I have a fundamental right to have a child.

Why do people always compare ivf with treating people for obesity and smoking related issues ? Those are a choice ?
Infertility is beyond anyone’s control it’s not ‘self inflicted’ it could be a congenital issue, an infection or the result of cancer treatment it’s not the same as obesity/smoking related health problems
Also on that subject all the vitriol towards anyone who does have a smoking or obesity related issue but funny how you never get that towards people with for example sporting injuries or something like a broken leg from skiing something you could also argue is ‘self inflicted’ or a ‘choice’

Hope you can get this moved to infertility OP where you will get more sympathy x

Oh OP, I am so sorry :(

People just focus on this for some reason (not prosthetics, or vision, or wigs or dental care...).

Are you seriously trying to compare IVF with providing someone with a prosthetic limb? Really??

I have a friend who was only ever eligible for one go.She was incredibly lucky and got her child. It really opened my eyes to the heartbreak of infertility.

I do believe there should be funding (but limited admittedly). I feel so sorry for the couples whose fertility treatment is currently on hold and hope they can assess the guidelines for those still eligible - for example, people getting close to the cut off in age - this should be extended for 12 months, in light of covid.

You have every right to feel angry at the comments. I hope that this period doesn't hinder your IVF journey too much.

I have every sympathy, but I do struggle with the NHS paying for it, but I don't honestly know what the solution is other then privately funded.

My sister has just had a her 1st and last baby through IVF - privately funded as her and her husband didn't qualify for NHS funding. Took them 10 years to save and one failed attempt, but it still cost the NHS a great deal of money (many extra scans and antenatal appointments on top of the norm, just because of the IVF) as her whole pregnancy was consultant led. She was signed off from the private clinic at 12 weeks.

The NHS needs more money, if we keep paying for things like IVF, there may not be free NHS at all

You could say this about so many of the services that the NHS provides. We all ‘make choices’ that put us at risk of injury or illness and could demand expensive NHS treatment, whether it’s driving, horse riding, skiing, smoking, drinking... if you start trying to casually categorise those ’deserving’ patients (I understand the NHS does do this to an extent but they hardly do it on the back of a fag packet) its going to get very tricky very quickly. I don’t see why IVF should be denied to people in the NHS for this reason.

The NHS is struggling. If things need to be prioritised, this shouldn’t be in the shortlist. Save and improve existing lives rather than bring new lives in the world. Someone said ‘procreation is one of life’s fundamentals’ and people need to stop thinking that way.

@Moomin12345 you are so right. Personally I sympathise with people with mental health issues and depression but really they should look into funding it privately. Same with people who are obese or smokers they also should fund it privately. I mean realistically I don’t have any of those conditions so it’s fine to fund it privately as it doesn’t affect me and we don’t want to end up like the America.