To ask what you did with your explosive child?

At 7, I took my explosive child to the GP, and by his 9th birthday he had diagnoses of dyslexia, dyspraxia and ASD. We get phases of moods, and there is a termly cycle. He's under the weather at the moment and had a humdinger of a blowout this evening. His normally sunny and placid sibling hasn't been vastly better either and neither has protested about an unusually early night!

Access to tech gives me greatest leverage. The default is a morning and evening tech allowence. Morning has to be earned by surviving the potential flashpoint of getting dressed, including critically, the dreaded socks. Tech is reduced for poor behaviour and increases can be awarded for helpful chores.

General grumpiness tends to result in chill out time in his room. It's phrased as his safe space/ quiet time rather than time out. I will talk to him when he's ready (there's no point before that!) Sometimes he'll just want my quiet presence if he's just tired and grouchy.

He needs quiet time after a day of battling, coping and masking through school. He struggles with any extension to the school day, but can handle out of school clubs after a buffer of quiet, food and drink. Hunger is a big trigger too. He needs warnings about transitions.

7 is an age when flashpoints often show up. With DS1, the extra jump of work and booster sessions building to SATS showed that up! DS2 seems to be feeling tiredness more than last year too even though his routines haven't changed.

My 10 yo tends to explode at bedtime, it's definitely worse when he is tired. I stick to routine as much as possible, we have 30 minute warning of bedtime, ten 10 minute, then three chapters of his book read together and lights out. Usually if he creates a fuss it's at bedtime. I just calmly tell him he can carry on and lose his story, or stop performing and have the story.
Then I leave the room. He mostly gets ready for bed then apologises and asks for his story. Which he gets.
I tried threats, punishments etc, but it became a battle of wills.
It's not perfect, but it's the best way I've found.

My DS was explosive as a primary school aged child, wouldn't bother if he was punished or incentivised either. We eventually found out that he was being bullied at school and he didn't want to lose face by talking about it at home. We ended up having to move him to a different school in the Autumn term of year 6 and it was like he became a different child overnight, he was much happier and calmer, and didn't get into any bother in his new school either.

I would read the whole book and do what they suggest, I like Ross Greene a lot. I've also started some of the Hand in Hand Parenting techniques and they seem to be helping.

My ds was very dyslexic and had illegible writing. I was determined to avoid homework pressure, and refused to stress about it and he tended to quite enjoy homework as a result of me letting him dictate or muddle through. He is doing A levels now self motivated. There was a time when he would have screaming tantrums v.impatient etc 7-11. Asd.strategies helped us once he has diagnosis but tbh those strategies can help NT kids too. As you say consequences dont work with meltdowns and escalate. Distraction or better still prevention and planning work best. So screaming rage at cancelled trip can be forwarned by reminding child in.advance that trip could be cancelled because of illness or transport eg. You build in the possibility of having to adapt, to conquer black and white thinking.

Unfortunately no advice but in exactly the same boat with my 7 year old DS so am watching with interest. Keep hoping he'll grow out of it but it's been ongoing since he was about 2 so I'm not holding my breath!

My DC isn't particularly explosive (he's only 2yo), but didn't want to read and run. It sounds tough and very exhausting. Any SN assessment?

Consequences and punishment mean absolutely nothing in terms of changing or improving the behaviour

Have you tried rewarding good behaviour rather than punishing bad behaviour? Some children definitely respond more to the idea of a full star chart than the threat of the naughty chair. If he was working to get 20 stars a week for a trip to the park/swimming pool/football/cinema/bowling or whatever he enjoys, would this be more motivating than being punished throughout the week?

Are there any triggers?
My one who can be explosive at home is very shy so hardly talks at school. All the drama is saved for me! It doesn't come out like that but over the years I've noticed that as a pattern. So if there has been an issue at school, even just a minor friendship one then it can cause a problem at home.
The outbursts have lessened over the years. Partly the child growing up I think and partly me being more pro active in stopping it getting to that stage.
I have found that in that state the best thing for mine was to have some time out to calm down and then sort out what was going on, including giving any punishment or rectifying the situation. In the explosion stage they can't hear you at all so it's fruitless.

Have you.tried reading some old threads from Sen Children? Explosive Child is recommended reading for many of us. Empathy is good , I also.found reducing demands and sometimes words themselves, helpful. Sensory overload is also a possibility. Certain words and phrases also triggered ds, he hated some of my stock.phrases such as "that is inappropriate". 7 is.a tricky age. Fresh air and free play is helpful. Daydreaming activities rather than tasks or goals (frustrating) team games were terribly triggering Avoid till older