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To ask who pays for childcare if you are separated

83 replies

ABC123whatever · 02/03/2020 13:17

When my ex and I split, he agreed he would fully support our son and pay for any childcare costs incurred when I returned to work after maternity leave. He is a high earner, whereas I’m not as high - he earns double my wage. I also have 2 other children from a previous marriage so I get no Government support for DS (other than CHB) as he’s my 3rd child, born after 06.04.17. I have to claim UC for my 2 eldest children and also claim childcare costs for them. Their father takes nothing to do with them and does not pay any child support. I haven’t seen or heard from him in 3 years.

I did everything with regards to sorting out childcare for DS as EX couldn’t be bothered, and DS started his nursery just over a month ago. I also had to reduce my working hours to 30 per week as the nursery couldn’t accommodate DS full time and EX wasn’t willing to provide any childcare during the week, so I am losing around £4000 pa from my salary.

The first invoice from the nursery came in last week so I informed him that the fees are to be paid. He’s now saying he’s not paying. I tried to compromise and said I’d pay half and suggested we split DS care 50/50, meaning he would be responsible for DS 2.5 week days and 1 weekend day. I’d do the same. He’s still refusing.

OP posts:
Mintjulia · 02/03/2020 13:37

Ex and I pay 50:50. But we both earn a reasonable salary, and ex knows if he doesn’t pay up, I’ll take him to CMS.

If your ex won’t co-operate, you need to go via CMS.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 02/03/2020 13:36

Can I just checking I'm reading this right?

The two eldest DCs Dad doesn't pay maintenance, the youngest's Dad does?

If so, is he paying the correct amount according to CMS? If he is then unfortunately you can't insist on any more.

TheSoapyFrog · 02/03/2020 13:33

I think it's generally expected that whoever is caring for the child at the time, pays for the childcare. So if he was working on a Thursday and Friday for example and these were his days, he would be responsible for finding and paying for childcare, but it doesn't necessarily have to be at the provider you've chosen. But more often than not, the NRP is not expected to pay above and beyond maintenance.
It all feels quite unfair

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 02/03/2020 13:32

Why doesn’t he pay you child support ? Is isn’t unemployed, he has money so why haven’t you bothered claiming it?

You would get 1 payment of child support and you’d take nursery fees out of that. In an ideal world he’d pay 50/50 for nursery on top of child support and I’d very much expect a decent high earning dad to do that but that all depends of the moral of the man.

milkydare · 02/03/2020 13:25

CMS. It's the only way. Be prepared for him to suddenly want 50% contact.

He's not going to pay. So you need to budget based on CMS and tax free childcare etc, and forget about him.

Lockheart · 02/03/2020 13:25

My partner splits daycare fees with his ex in proportion to their salaries (although they both earn a decent amount so it's broadly 50:50).

hannah1992 · 02/03/2020 13:24

Legally he only has to pay you child maintenance.

BabyWenger · 02/03/2020 13:21

Have you gone through CMS for maintenance from him?

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