Adult thumb sucking

The thumb sucking is common and wouldn’t bother me too much. Many adults will keep their childhood comfort objects around but to me it’s not healthy for an adult to still have an attachment to a blanket in the same way they did as a toddler.

That being said, I wouldn’t call it a problem if it didn’t interfere with their life and relationships.

For the OP’s husband it is a problem. It’s getting in the way of his meeting his wife’s need for intimacy, and if he loses it he gets anxious. That’s not ok.

It seems like the OP’s husband has probably never learned how to derive comfort and relaxation from close adult relationships, he uses his old babyhood strategies instead. The reason why isn’t important. If he and the OP want to change things he’ll probably need therapy - maybe couples therapy would do, or perhaps individual- to learn how to have a more satisfying adult relationship.

Time to try for an open discussion I think OP.

@Chester1980

When you post on a public message board, you have GOT to accept that you are going to get a vast range of opinions, some that you will not like.

I could never be with a man who behaves like your husband ... sucking his thumb, 'snuggling his blankie' and only being affectionate when he wants a shag.

I am stating a fact. I could NOT and WOULD not be with a man like this. And MANY others on here say the same. We are all entitled to our views. If you (or anyone else) see views that you dislike as 'toxic' then that is your problem.

@Chester1980 why did you take the blanket out of the bin?? Why are infantalizing your husband?

I think there’s a big difference between doing it because you’re being comfortable in your own home and it being a crutch. I’m not really averse to people having crutches to get by but when it gets in the way of other adult relationships, particularly romantic relationships then I think you have to consider it unhealthy and perhaps discuss how to limit it.

@Chester1980

People aren't shocked by it, some of us are just saying we couldn't be with a man who sucks his thumb, 'snuggles his blankie' for comfort, and only shows affection when he wants a shag.

@Chester1980

There are some toxic comments on here...

translation - 'people are saying things I don't want to hear...'

@Rose789

I’m amazed that so many people on this thread suck their thumbs. There is a women at work who sucks her thumb and twirls her hair around her finger all the time. She has the same name as someone else on her team and I’ve had several people say “is it Sarah smith or Sarah the thumbsucker I need”. Most people look shocked and raise their eyebrows at each other every single time she does it.

The thought of dh having a blankie and sucking his thumb makes my vagina drier then the Sahara desert.

This ^ What a massive turn off in any man.

It’s not always about childhood trauma. I did and could apparently clearly be seen doing it in the womb and within minutes of being born. It’s just a comfort thing. While I don’t do it now, every now and then (very rarely) I have the urge and it’s like someone has pulled a big warm blanket up around me. I stop right away though because I remember how hard it was to quit when I was about 11/12.

Sorry OP that was more directed at a PP than you! I know you aren't bashing parenting styles, I do think however if it is related to childhood trauma there is more to it than not breastfeeding etc. of course people will react differently to different things but if that were really a consequence we would have many many more adults sucking their thumbs, after all bf on demand and not crying it out are comparatively recent movements in parenting. It could be part of wider separation issues but sleep training and spacing out feeds alone are definitely not going to be the cause of this.

I’m amazed that so many people on this thread suck their thumbs. There is a women at work who sucks her thumb and twirls her hair around her finger all the time. She has the same name as someone else on her team and I’ve had several people say “is it Sarah smith or Sarah the thumbsucker I need”. Most people look shocked and raise their eyebrows at each other every single time she does it.
The thought of dh having a blankie and sucking his thumb makes my vagina drier then the Sahara desert.

I sometimes bite the nail on my thumb when I’m anxious, I don’t suck it though

I don't suck my thumb but I noticed a few years ago that I often curl my hand up under my neck when I'm upset, ill or tired and it's mimicking the thumb-sucking I did as a child. I 'gave up' when I was about five, I think.

It does affect intimacy because you want to feel intimate through non sexual cuddles, feel close to him and snuggle up without it leading to sex. That is part of intimacy for you, and for me and a lot of people I'd guess.

It would be more accurate to say that it isn't affecting the type of intimacy he wants.

Does that seem fair to you?

He very much still wants the intimacy...he just struggles with the cuddles when it’s not associated with sex.

This would make me really sad OP.

Also it seems like what he wants or naturally craves is for some reason more important than what you want or naturally crave?

You want non sexual snugs, he doesn't. Why can't there be a conversation where you meet in the middle and both come out of your comfort zone sometimes?

You're asking for a cuddle not suggesting pegging and a gimp mask!

Unless you're into that. Obvs.

I’m 25 and suck my thumb on a night or when I’m tired. Although I must admit it doesn’t effect my relationship...

I used to go out with a grown adult who would suck his thumb during sex.

Nope nope nope nope!!!

God the attitudes of people on here. Men not being manly enough! Obviously there’s something wrong with them No wonder male suicide is the biggest killer of men under 45. Because they can’t have even a slight flaw that may make them seem less masculine.

Thumb sucking doesn’t harm anyone. Fair enough if you don’t personally like it, but shaming someone for their comfort because of your own issues regarding how men should be perceived is not on.

My sister still sucks her thumb occasionally. She's 37.

I'm 23 and still do it and it's so silly I wish I could stop but I can't sleep without it😪

@Chester1980

......he puts it before being affectionate to me. He doesn’t like cuddles etc unless he’s horny. It’s like he’s in this little world and in a daze when he’s got his blanket and thumb.

So many red flags here. I don't know how you can be with him tbh. Especially as he only shows you interest/affection when he wants a shag.

Seriously, you deserve better than this. Raise your standards woman!