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Original poster

Adult thumb sucking

144 replies

Chester1980 · 22/02/2020 13:31

My 40 year old husband sucks his thumb. He does it at home, but not in public (although if he’s drunk he might try and sneak a quick thumb suck). He asl has a blanket. He can’t sleep without it and whenever at home and relaxing he is always sucking and pulling the blanket through his fingers.

I know this is selfish, but he puts this before being affectionate to me. He doesn’t like cuddles etc unless he’s horny. It’s like he’s in this little world and in a daze when he’s got his blanket and thumb.

We’ve spoken about it - I won’t push him to stop, but did mention that as our toddler gets older he might tell people and he should be prepared. He said he can give up whenever, but it never happened.

I just want to see if there are other adult thumb suckers out there who are the same? Does my husband have a deep routed anxiety that this is soothing, or is it just a habit?
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OP posts:
RoxanneMonke · 22/02/2020 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scarletoharaseyebrows · 22/02/2020 18:21

It would make me retch. Sorry. I can't stomach saliva fingers. Even on my own children! Gip.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 22/02/2020 18:18

This conversation has been eye opening. There's no way I'd make it to marriage with an adult who sucked their thumb, but I guess everyone's different

Original poster
Chester1980 · 22/02/2020 18:15

@anotherlittlechicken I had agreed with a comment that @Bikerider2020 had made....so I’m not sure what you’re getting at saying that I’m ignoring things I don’t want to hear?

OP posts:
Bikerider2020 · 22/02/2020 18:14

Ahh fair enough @anotherlittlechicken

anotherlittlechicken · 22/02/2020 18:04

@Bikerider2020

I wasn't correcting anything of yours. I was agreeing with you. Smile

I was agreeing with you, that some posters are only seeing what they want to see, and ignoring the negative. Sorry. Probably the way my post was worded! Blush

Bikerider2020 · 22/02/2020 17:56

@anotherlittlechicken I don't understand what you're correcting for me?

anotherlittlechicken · 22/02/2020 17:54

@Shortfeet

Absobloodylutely typical mumsnet that so many come out the woodwork to cry “dealbreaker”

Absobloodylutely typical mumsnet that so many come out the woodwork to post their own VALID opinions that they are ENTITLED to.

Corrected that for you....... Smile

@Chester1980

Now that’s what I mean by helpful comments posting stuff I want to hear. anotherlittlechicken

And I have corrected that for YOU.

You're welcome. Wink

@LadyEggs

Ignore the pearl-clutching people posting perfectly valid opinions OP. Wink

Corrected that for you too!

@Bikerider2020

did you read the OP ladyeggs? She stated no affection unless he wants a shag, otherwise he is immersed in his thumb and blanket!

Yeah this. People clearly only reading/seeing what they want to hear and see!

(As if it isn't bad enough that the OP has been doing this all through the thread!) Wink

CandlesBlanketsandTea · 22/02/2020 17:44

I personally wouldn't call a dad a great dad if he wasn't good with the day to day stuff, that's what makes a great dad. Being there for the real grind every single day and not just being a Disney dad is a great dad. OP I think you've got bigger issues than the thumb sucking and blankie.

JKScot4 · 22/02/2020 17:39

He’s not the best with the day to day care
hes an amazing dad
hmm🤔
OP doing her best to convince herself about this man child, I don’t know how you even got to marriage and a child with his infantile behaviour 🙄

JKScot4 · 22/02/2020 17:25

@ohnooutofdateham
Agreed, how could you be attracted to man that drags a blanky about and sucks his thumb? 🤢

Bikerider2020 · 22/02/2020 17:17

Bikerider2020 he’s brilliant. Absolutely dotes on him and gives him plenty of snuggles. He’s not the best with the day to day care, but that’s more probably because I’m still breastfeeding my son, so he comes to me for comfort when he’s upset. So if my son starts crying...he’ll say “where’s mummy”.

In that case I think they may be totally unrelated. I know you're going too but you have to have the discussion,

BobbyBlueCat · 22/02/2020 17:15

I couldn't be with a guy who sucked his thumb, nevermind had a 'blankie'.

Christ, what a turn off!

Bikerider2020 · 22/02/2020 17:14

*Who is it harming? If it's getting in the way of your relationship then he needs to compromise.

@LadyEggs* did you read the OP? She stated no affection unless he wants a shag, otherwise he is immersed in his thumb and blanket!

Ignore the posters who don't even read the first post OP!

Original poster
Chester1980 · 22/02/2020 17:14

@Bikerider2020 he’s brilliant. Absolutely dotes on him and gives him plenty of snuggles. He’s not the best with the day to day care, but that’s more probably because I’m still breastfeeding my son, so he comes to me for comfort when he’s upset. So if my son starts crying...he’ll say “where’s mummy”.

OP posts:
LadyEggs · 22/02/2020 17:05

Who is it harming? If it's getting in the way of your relationship then he needs to compromise.

Ignore the pearl-clutching OP Wink

Bikerider2020 · 22/02/2020 17:04

@Chester1980 how is he with affection with the DC?

Original poster
Chester1980 · 22/02/2020 17:04

@TeddyIsaHe exactly!! :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Chester1980 · 22/02/2020 17:03

@Chickychoccyegg thank you x

OP posts:
Original poster
Chester1980 · 22/02/2020 17:01

@Bikerider2020 you make some v good points. Fair enough. In hindsight it was best he did throw it out. As part of the conversations we’ve had about our toddler picking up on it etc, he’s acknowledged it might be coming to an end.

OP posts:
Shortfeet · 22/02/2020 17:01

What nasty comments from some !

Absobloodylutely typical mumsnet that so many come out the woodwork to cry “dealbreaker”

Chickychoccyegg · 22/02/2020 16:58

i think your dh is very lucky to have met you, you do sound very nice and understanding about this, where a lot of people wouldn't be (probably myself included i have to say).
I hope you manage to have a discussion with dh about at least trying to get rid of the blanket and him having more non sexual cuddles with you instead .
I hadn't realised adult thumb sucking was so common either.

SimonJT · 22/02/2020 16:52

My boyfriend sucks his thumb, mainly when he’s tired or being lazy like lying on the sofa watching a film. It has zero effect on intimacy or ability to give the best cuddles, the two things are completely separate.

TeddyIsaHe · 22/02/2020 16:49

Tbh I think it says more about the people that are so close minded and unable to allow people to have their quirks, than it does about any thumb suckers!

I’d rather see past people’s foibles and still love them than be hugely judgemental.

Bikerider2020 · 22/02/2020 16:48

@Bikerider2020 I was thinking it was a crutch he maybe needed. Like someone would have a cigarette or a drink. If you think about it - can you not compare someone getting comfort from smoking to this? Just his thumb sucking doesn’t damage his physical health!

  1. He's an adult and had made a decision
  2. You should not interfere in that
  3. You should've encouraged him
  4. If it was cigarettes or a bottle of whiskey would you take it out of the bin

Sorry you're adding to this issue, you need to tell him that your need for affection outside of a shag is more important. The same way if his smoking or drinking was affecting your relationship you'd expect him to stop.