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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for your experiences with Bath/strange atmospheres

543 replies

AliceInBlunderland13 · 18/02/2020 13:11

Semi-regular poster but I’ve name changed for this as the details could be quite outing. Also not really an AIBU but posting for traffic and all that…
There have been two periods in my life when I have lived and/or worked in the city of Bath, Somerset and I’ve experienced problems with my mental health on both occasions. The first was right after I finished by undergraduate degree in London and I moved to Bath to do a Masters at the university. I started in the October and by Christmas I was experiencing terrible panic attacks and depression. I did manage to complete the course but as soon as I finished I ended the tenancy on my flat early and moved back home. I then worked in my home town for a few years, during which time I had no problems with my mental health. Then I decided to do a PhD and took a position again at the uni in Bath. This time I didn’t move there but instead moved to a nearby town and commuted in. Yet again within a couple of months of being there I began experiencing daily panic attacks, terrible anxiety and feelings of dissociation, and depression. I tried to stick it out (had counselling, on meds etc) but I still felt utterly miserable so I recently quit the course and found a new job in another town.
Even after having counselling, I’ve never truly got to the bottom of what triggers these episodes. Logically, it could be stress related as both a Masters and a PhD are obviously a lot of work but then I dealt with the stresses of my undergraduate course just fine, and the job I had between my Masters and PhD was high-stress and I loved it – in fact I used to think I worked best with a bit of pressure.
Then the other day, I was reading an old thread on here (bored while I wait to start my new job Grin ) about places people found creepy. Several people mentioned that they didn’t like Bath or that it had an odd atmosphere – I think one poster described it as ‘melancholy’. Now normally I’m very rational and logical (except when the anxiety takes over Confused ) and wouldn’t give it a second thought, but I couldn’t help wondering if anyone has any experience of feeling anxious/down in a particular place, or if anyone else has felt this ‘atmosphere’ in Bath? I know some will say it’s a load of pish but I guess I’m just interested in other people’s experiences really…

OP posts:
knittingaddict · 25/04/2020 14:23

Oh give over user.

whodunit3 · 25/04/2020 14:17

I have this thread so wonderfully interesting.

I’m from Edinburgh originally but my dad is from Somerset and we would spend nearly every school holidays down at my grandparents. Every time we had to leave I felt so very sad and lonely, like I was leaving half my heart behind. Obviously I loved visiting my grandparents and was sad to say goodbye but it was much more than that and like I was having to leave my home rather than go back to it, my parents would say things like you are just sad that the holidays have come to an end and it wouldn’t be the same if you had to live here but 30 years later I now live rurally in Devon and not that far from where my grandparents stayed and I feel like I’m finally home.

Even more strangely and to play devils advocate I seem to be drawn to to a lot of the places that have been mentioned here, Glastonbury, Cheddar Gorge, Tavistock, Wells, (not so much Bath, I find that a bit vacant in feel) Dartmoor, I get the odd vibes and the heaviness of them but it’s draws me in and I feel very connected.

I have also always been very obsessed with my dads roots and his side of family history, it really wasn’t anything abnormal, a bit of farm boy that grew up to be a bit of a hippy and definitely did the alternative music scene down there, Glastonbury, Bath Festival of Blues and alternative music etc and I definitely over the years put it down to him just thinking he was quite a cool dad but I think it’s more than that now and definitely feel for whatever reason very connected to the south-west part of the country and the countryside folklore and history that goes with it.

Definitely should have NC’d for this as anyone who recognised me is going to think I’m bat shit! 😂

usernameusrnme · 25/04/2020 14:16

Knittingaddict you miss the point entirely. MOST of Bath is middle class affleunt, is it not? Yes I know all about the parts that are not. Its this overwhelmingly middle class and the constantly bleating about people like them that I found tiresome. Where you do or dont live is not my concern. Its overwhelmingly ONE way and unless you have spent significant time around these people and their behaviour to anything that is too different then you dont get the point. Its not just about money, its about perspectives and views.

knittingaddict · 25/04/2020 14:01

On the other hand I do find the Isle of Wight has a strange atmosphere. Not creepy, just a bit uncomfortable. No idea why.

knittingaddict · 25/04/2020 13:58

As I said ages ago up he thread, I was born in Bath and grew up nearby, went to secondary school there. I don't love it, but I have never encountered a Bath resident with the sort of attitudes previous posters have described. And I've certainly never had a 'what have you got?' conversation with any of them.

Agreed.

We've moved around a lot and the residents in Bath seem exactly the same as other places I've lived in. Some are nice, some not so much, but there's the normal cross section of society that you find anywhere.

knittingaddict · 25/04/2020 13:53

We live on the "poor side" of Bath, as it's all we could afford. I hope your not imagining me in a swanky Georgian townhouse username, cause it ain't so.

Every place has it's council estates and problem areas, although I would say that Bath's grim bits are much less grim than some other cities grim bits.

I have to say that I find your stereotyping of all the posh Bathites, quite frankly, hilarious.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 25/04/2020 13:50

Intersting thread. Felt like this about Edinburgh when I lived there - underlying menacing feeling

I found Brighton gave me the shivers when I went for a long weekend. Would never go back. Which is odd as I love being beside the sea

Lillyhatesjaz · 25/04/2020 13:48

I like Bath, it's somewhere I visit quite often I like to wander the small shops and eat a greggs in the park, there are so many tourists and students it's hard to spot the locals I avoid it at Christmas.
I visit Bristol quite often too, not so easy for parking, not so keen on large indoor shopping centres and you absolutely take your life in your hands if you try to drive through it.
One of the very nicest places I have visited was Amsterdam my whole family loved it.

usernameusrnme · 25/04/2020 13:43

"How the discussion turned into ‘everyone who lives in Bath said its diverse and multicultural’ is a mystery!"

It isnt a mystery the conversation veered to the social aspect in Bath which may contribute to people feeling a weird vibe. Some people, including myself mentioned the class aspect in Bath in which we have encountered a lot of weird attitudes and fake people. To which many then took offence. Its the "shut the conversation down" behaviour that can cause a weird vibe too. If people want to continue the scientific conversation of Radon gas, please continue as its a very unique point. The geographical science of what may contribute to positive or negative health. But I dont think the social aspect of an environment can be ignored as that will certainly have an effect too. But if people cannot find a way to not take offence, be "put out' upset then thats a shame.
Freezer bird no-one is saying be in denial about your history. But the end of slavery is a major point in history isnt it? That fact that much of the battle to create this legislation may have been taking place in Bath is a good thing or at least interesting thing isnt it? Thats quite a bit of POSITIVE history. Why isnt it mentioned if that were indeed the case.

usernameusrnme · 25/04/2020 13:31

OK lets explain further. Forget the multi cultural, fake people discussion if you want. Its mono cultural in design. If you had to stay in a castle it might feel magical or it might feel haunted. Some people dont feel comfortable in expensive restaurants, it may feel too stuffy. They might prefer something less formal.But if you force formality on people who dont like it they will not be happy. Some people dont want to wear a suit and tie with oxford shoes everyday, they want t -shirt a jeans. To some a t-shirt and jeans is the height of laziness in attire and they wouldn't like it. What impact does all Georgian everything have? what impact does all middle class everything have? It can certainly create a certain feeling that could be positive or negative. People say Bath is amazing they love their city, they love their garden and view etc. But would the residents of the more well off areas wax the same lyrical chords if they were in Twerton? which seems to have a very strong social stigma attached. Would they even visit the area? Grayson Perry did an excellent documentary into the affect of social strata. In one he looked at the upper class and sensed they were weighed down by history. The Marquess of Bath (RIP) was on the programme and spoke about his tapestry and added some different themes to the design which his family were not happy with ,with his son wanting to get rid of the newly added design or something to that affect. But it seemed as though there was this sense of being weighed down by the past with nothing more than a sense of duty to preservation. Its this weighing down that is on Bath. Every look must adhere to the Georgian ideals and thats that. thats its all middle class is just another set of rules that is enforced in a less obvious way. For some its just wonderful but others may not or they find it endless. One architectural and social classification authority that never ends. The very disappointing thing is the lack of people who arent able to have a discussion about these aspects without taking direct offence or being as freezer bird said "put out"

usernameusrnme · 25/04/2020 13:14

Well thats great that you haven't but its certainly my experience and the very first thing I was met with by lots of different people in lots of different places. No-one is insisting on pulling out wallets to compare credit cards but its in the conversation. They can be put out as much as they like but if didnt constantly encounter this in such a frequent manner then I wouldn't say it. The fact that they rush to block others expressions of their experiences IS the weird thing. Is it arrogance? pretentious? narrow minded? naive? One thing it definitely is, is weird. Which is a feeling which may lend itself to people who come across it.

Saladaysior · 25/04/2020 13:10

Freezerbird agree. And reading back over the OP it’s clear that it was about someone suffering anxiety/ mental health issues at a particular point in their life when they happened to be living in a certain place. It then seems quite logical that the place would have those associations for them. That just seems very normal to me. When I think back to events or feelings at particular times in my life then naturally I think about the place I was in at the time. If it’s a happy memory or event the place will have happy associations and if it was unhappy then it’s the opposite.

How the discussion turned into ‘everyone who lives in Bath said its diverse and multicultural’ is a mystery!

FreezerBird · 25/04/2020 13:00

The thing with the Bath discussion is that it started as 'i find this place really off', and discussions of that, and seems to have morphed into 'it's because the people there are obsessed with money/in denial about it being monocultural and parochial/in denial about their history'. It's hardly surprising current Bath residents might be a bit put out by this.

As I said ages ago up he thread, I was born in Bath and grew up nearby, went to secondary school there. I don't love it, but I have never encountered a Bath resident with the sort of attitudes previous posters have described. And I've certainly never had a 'what have you got?' conversation with any of them.

Hingeandbracket · 25/04/2020 13:00

I spent nearly three years of living in Bath during the week for work.

Loved it, very happy memories of the place and my time there.

Madcats · 25/04/2020 12:56

I am sat in my Bath garden at the moment. We have had such fantastic weather.

A couple of things strike me (having also lived in suburban Sussex and London).

We might have mild weather, but it rains a lot more than the south-east. We have a lot of drizzling grey days. It is something you become aware of and then you head outdoors on sunny days.

In the centre of town, we nearly all live in tall terraces with little or no front garden. There are always people wandering about (even in lockdown).

It always feels really odd to me when we go back to Sussex market towns awash with semis and bungalows, set back off the roads. The pavements are so quiet too.

donkeyoatey · 25/04/2020 12:53

I love Bath, and feel very relaxed there whenever I visit. But in Brighton always makes me feel very sad and anxious. Lived there 20 years ago and hated it. Was curious as to whether I would still feel the same. Went there last summer with my cousin and couldn't wait to leave. Really didn't feel comfortable there at all.
Great thread btw.

Itsabitmessy · 25/04/2020 12:40

Definitely Isle of Wight. It felt surreal/unreal somehow. I felt very uneasy there.

York has a weird, oppressive vibe for me too. It has everything I love - history, architecture, amazing annual events, great shopping, good places to eat and drink. But I feel miserable and weighed down every time I go. I only live about 45 mins drive away and couldn’t tell you the last time I went. On the other hand I have no problem with Harrogate. I really like the atmosphere there though it’s sad that so many business have closed over the years and after COVID 19 heaven knows what it will be like.

Other places with unpleasant or odd vibes for me are: Towns in the Fens such as Wisbech, Whittlesey. I think it’s the flatness of the land that add to it.

Villa Marina in Caernarfon. We went on holiday there in the 60s and after a night my DM insisted we find somewhere else to stay she was so freaked out. I remember being very scared there in the night even though I was sharing a room with my DBs. Weird, weird place.

Overseas: San Francisco. I had always wanted to go but found it oppressive and scary. Again, it has everything I like and am interested in but I couldn’t get out fast enough and drive on to the next place on our itinerary. The hotel we were in was creepy and odd like out of a horror film and our room also felt weird and DD insisted on sleeping in bed with me.

Only been to Bath once and was about 5 . Only memory is of two skeletons in glass cases somewhere and being fascinated/scared by them.

megletthesecond · 25/04/2020 12:28

Tavistock and Brighton give me the heebie jeebies.

dayslikethese1 · 25/04/2020 12:24

I agree that the Isle of Wight is a slightly odd place but that's mainly cos it seems a bit stuck in a timewarp. Beautiful though.

dayslikethese1 · 25/04/2020 12:23

This thread has mentioned so many places I've been to a lot or lived near. Interesting. Pps who mentioned Brighton; I went to college there and have a soft spot for the place but I agree there is a violent undertone. I went to college there and have been nearly attacked and in some sketchy situations a few times. I think theres quite a lot of drugs there. But I still like the place. Ditto Hastings which I actually think is a really interesting place. And I live quite near Bath, cycle there sometimes for lunch etc. I wouldn't personally want to live there but I have never found it creepy.

Saladaysior · 25/04/2020 12:08

I’d love to live in Bath, I’m a teensy bit jealous of my friends who do. And if I was lucky enough to live there i don’t think I’d suddenly start pretending it’s diverse!

usernameusrnme · 25/04/2020 12:01

"I always think it's hilariously funny that Bath has turned Jane Austen into one of its major industries when in real life she loathed the place. I'm sure the irony wouldn't be lost on her"

Its things like this that Im talking about. She DIDNT like it. If Bath residents want to talk about pretty places why dont they talk about the Cotswolds instead of insisting "theirs is the prettiest of them all"
Bristol is diverse, from Clifton to St Pauls, from Cabot to Cribbs causeway. Bath is not.

usernameusrnme · 25/04/2020 11:56

Also Bath isnt just ethnically monocultural, its architecturally monocultural too. Its all Georgian everything. Just the exact same stone everywhere. Even where there isnt the same stone its just painted to look like it. This lack of architectural diversity also adds a certain feel that people may love or not. Its the difference between an Old English grand hotel like the Clarigdes and the Dorchester which was built in a different time with an effort to appeal to a wider range of people. Or a Bentley and a Lotus. Bentley is great but if the marque started to claim they have a racing heritage it just wouldn't make sense. Lotus can because it's genuine.

EmpressMcSchnozzle · 25/04/2020 11:51

Pretty buildings, though there are interesting ones further out (like the Museum of Bath at Work) that people often don't see. AWFUL traffic. Ludicrous road system. Posh, overpriced shops (I honestly don't know how some of them have kept going this long). Huge gap between the very, very well-to-do and the homeless population, for instance.

Bristol might have a reputation for being a bit "rougher" but it's a lot more real than Bath to me. I always think it's hilariously funny that Bath has turned Jane Austen into one of its major industries when in real life she loathed the place. I'm sure the irony wouldn't be lost on her!

usernameusrnme · 25/04/2020 11:42

"I get it username, you don't like Bath and think it's terrible that some people do. I don't really understand that attitude. You live where you like to live and I'll live in Bath, so you don't have to. Isn't it great that there are so many different choices of places to live and that we can CHOOSE for ourselves. I know, what a novel concept"

It is fast becoming a novel concept as you're failing to realise not everyone can just up and leave to wherever they want. Some people are stuck in their environments due to financial constraints. Perhaps council housing with children. Its not as simple as saying just go and choose. You fail to realise that money is directly proportional to these choices.

Tswift I also have to take issue with your language of brandishing others as "loonies" especially with so much being done to counter the stigma of mental health. If you continue to speak that way its up to you but it is a shame