Woman in men’s changing room

Zombie thread 🧟‍♀️

If your son isn’t uncomfortable being naked around you, I would think he wouldn’t be uncomfortable being naked in front of a stranger. I’m much more shy around people I know. Someone I may never see again wouldn’t bother me.

The sex of the adult always takes precedence over that of the young children whom they're helping, as young children are neither considered a threat to the dignity of adults nor are they likely to get embarrassed themselves

So if a little girl sees a man changing or at a urinal the man should feel differently than if it was a grown woman? Is it just sexual unawareness in the girl unlike the woman that makes one acceptable over the other or something else? Since both are female, obviously.

I'm sure she means no harm, but this is totally unacceptable and inappropriate.

How do you know this though? Although not common, female predators snd paedophiles do exist.

The thing is that, she quite possibly isn't a paedophile. BUT, if she were a paedophile (and we know that female preadators do exist), this is exactly the kind of stunt you'd expect them to pull, isn't it?

@NearLifeExperience....
I'm sure she means no harm, but this is totally unacceptable and inappropriate.

How do you know this though? Although not common, female predators snd paedophiles do exist.

Unacceptable. If it was the other way around you wouldn't even need to ask. Report her quietly to the staff. Some people are so bloody clueless it infuriates me.

Agreed. My kids are disabled. I use a disabled space to assist my son when we go out now, and so far, there's always been one. I'd ask for an appropriate space if there weren't.

He's much too old to use the women's spaces with me now. And I'd not dream of invading the men's.

Sounds like you agree with this already OP which is great but just my thoughts.

This isn't about abuse, she doesn't have to be a dodgy character or "perv" for it to be inappropriate and for your son to be well within his rights to say it makes him too uncomfortable.

The rules are there for a reason and nobody would say this was OK if the genders were reversed. This isn't just because of a fear of a father being a girls changing room being abusive, it's also because we want girls to feel safe, not embarrassed and comfortable.

We should afford boys the same rights and to be honest it's been really heartening to see (almost) everyone on this thread being so level headed about this and respecting your sons right to feel comfortable.

If the boy does have additional needs that require his mum to help then she needs to work with the club to organise a way of him attending and enjoying the classes that doesn't veto the other boys' right to feel safe and comfortable.

It sucks and I get that - I myself have recently become disabled, but my needs do not trump those of able bodied people if it means they will feel unsafe.

The goal should be for the club to facilitate measures that mean the classes can be safely enjoyed by the children who attend. You are absolutely right to discuss this with them.

A quick word with the teacher who accompanies the group might be a useful start, OP. You could say you have concerns but understand if the child has needs and you aren't asking to know! It's possible the teacher doesn't even realise this is happening. Ask whether the mother can be asked to use a family room if there is one.

Your DH might be able to go in and look askance at her, but encroaching people (if she is one) can be impervious.

If all else fails, why not organise all the mums to come in and try to coddle their boys and have the boys yell at them to get out?

We have a leisure centre near here which just had male and female changing rooms. DS is 10 so I sat outside and waited whilst DS took a glacially long time to get dressed and apparently failed to work out how to switch on the shower. After a few weeks, I went into the ladies, worked out how to switch on the shower (twist a handle rather than just pressa button) and explained this to DS. I wouldn't have dreamed of going in to the gents to show him. Thankfully he's now changed groups so we're at a different centre with family cubicles.

I'll be watching with interest for when this woman meets your DH next week OP, but email the centre in the meantime to complain about her conduct so they're forewarned when she tries the same next week.

I hope by the time he’s married she’s not still waiting by the shower with a towel.

Quite, @Floribundance.
In the absence of SN, this mother's doing a fine job of raising a little prince of learned helplessness, & in a couple of decades yet another woman will be starting a thread on here about carrying the entire domestc load.

Part of me thinks DS is making an unnecessary fuss

He's not.

If you had an 11 year old DD, would you accuse her of "making an unnecessary fuss" because a grown man was in her changing room?

Why should DS not get the same rights to privacy & respect?

MrsHusky, a mixed-sex, cubicled changing village is a completely different kettle of fish to a same-sex communal one though?

my pool has unisex, cubicled changing rooms, its got a communal shower where you can shower in your swimmers, or cubicle showers (with doors, not curtains) if you want to shower privately.. also got family changing rooms.

my 13yo is disabled, but looks perfectly 'abled' but he wouldn't be able to shower/change without assistance. I dont know what i'd do if my swimming pool didnt have the facilities it does.. it really can't be easy!

I dont think this would even be a question being asked if it was a man going into the changing room of 10 year old girls and watching then shower. I see no difference. Its wrong and needs stopping.

Please report this OP.

whether it’s to the staff or directly to the mother.

If your son has had the courage and forethought to tell you he’s uncomfortable about this situation. he’s signposting for help.

It’s not fair on him tk have his privacy compromised by a mother who has no regard for others privacy of safety ( yes I’m well aware of the stats 99% male etc)

I’m sure it’s nothing, but it may be something.

If it WERE for special needs , and the mother refuses to not attend to her son then your son loses out entirely - as hell always be uncomfortable with the situation.

Your poor DS it’s a difficult situation to be in!

Has your ds asked the boy why his mum goes in with him? ime, children respond to children, and if the boy is asked why she's there he's more likely to tell her to stop. He may well want her to stop but she may be refusing to let go.

It's not a 10 year olds job to approach and adult or a child and check their behaviour!!

The adult in this situation needs speaking to by other adults.
The children are not responsible for this.

Both the swimming pools we go to have a cut off age of 8 for the opposite sex to be present. She’s well over that. An adult should not be in the changing rooms of the opposite sex.

You identify as fully-clothed?

Obviously!

It's a changing room, where you change. How do you do that without taking your clothes off?

You identify as fully-clothed?

HeresMe That's a new one on me too.

I've been to quite a number of different swimming pools and, years ago, a gym. All the women showering with no clothes on and walking around naked in front of other women, in the women's changing room, obviously have not heard of the 'no naked bodies in changing rooms' rule either.

It's a changing room, where you change. How do you do that without taking your clothes off?

Has your ds asked the boy why his mum goes in with him? ime, children respond to children, and if the boy is asked why she's there he's more likely to tell her to stop. He may well want her to stop but she may be refusing to let go.

Serendipity that thread was hilarious... a woman complaining about naked man in the men’s changing room! 😂