To think the use of prostitutes just isn't that big a deal?

it wouldn’t bother me if my partner has used one before me

Shall I put that right for you?
“It wouldn’t bother me if my partner had decided him wanting sex at that time was more important than the woman who felt she had no choice but to let men pay to invade her vagina. Even if this was a sexually abused child, a trafficked woman or someone desperately trying to feed her kids by the only way she could.”

In a situation where one person is renting their body, the rights of the person providing the cash is totally irrelevant. The fact that anyone looks at situation in which a man is paying to use a woman's vagina and thinks about the man's rights or needs in that situation tells you all you need to know about how misogynisitic our society is. Men always always always manage to somehow be more important than women, even when they are renting a woman's genitals.

Completely agree OP.

It wouldn’t bother me if my partner has used one before me

Men don't have a right to sex! I hate the disability argument. Plenty of disabled people are able to find loving relationships despite their physical limitations. It's horrible to say that if a man can't find a consenting partner then one should be provided to him at a price (not envy).

I do wonder about the mental gymnastics that go on around prostitution, not from men, because their motivation is obvious, but from women. I mean, most women accept that, say, going for a smear is pretty unpleasant and a lot of women would rather avoid it and risk cancer because they can't face it. Even if you yourself find a smear ok, it's easy to see why other women are so put off by it - it's embarrassing, potentially painful, potentially triggering if you've been assaulted. Bear in mind that this is a situation in which a trained professional is gently inserting a sterile, safe medical device into your vagina for less than a minute to carry out a test for your own benefit. And yet, some women will argue, in all seriousness, that there are some women who are totally fine with a man they know nothing about, putting his penis in her with an unknown amount of force, for an unknown amount of time for his own pleasure. He may be kind and gentle or rough and horrible, he may have disease, he may be a woman-hating psychopath, who knows? But, argue those women, that's absolutely fine, just a job. It just doesn't make sense.

You are very very naive. Some women have, or feel they have no other option. Men who use them have really not thought this through and I would have zero respct for them. You perhaps have had a sheltered life. Reality is a bit sordid

I think we need an "I am a prostitute ask me anything" thread.

This is a naive view of the sex industry. “Consenting” adults not pressured by poverty or abuse rarely go into this kind of work. How many prostitutes do you know?

It feeds rape culture and the belief that too many men hold that they have a right to sex whenever and however they want it, so long as they have the cash to rent a body

Agreed. I’d extend this to surrogacy as well, but that’s a whole other thread. (I’ll believe surrogacy is also an empowering, altruistic act when I see rich, white women doing it for poor, minority women)

Payment for sex is coercion

Why is this not recognized and why is it still legal in this country in this age?

Why did you start this thread @Hihothedairyo? A genuine question. Are you considering prostitution yourself, for some reason?

@DuLANGMondeFOREVER Agree 100% !!! If only the people pushing for decriminalisation would put as much time, money and energy in help for women trying to exit prostitution and for counselling and help for those so badly abused and damaged by it.

I think I read that worldwide the average age a girl is first sold for sex is 14. The whole industry is dirty money made on the rape and abuse of women and girls globally.

YABU in a way. If nothing else, It's skanky of the men.

if I found a date or partner had used prostitutes, I'd find that a bit sleazy. It'd put me off him.

I would add that if you are a woman who accepts that prostitution is inevitable and that we should therefore facilitate it by making it legal/setting it up as a proper job, then I think you have an extreme level of internalised misogyny.

Men would be doing it too if it was a proper job.

I would add that if you are a woman who accepts that prostitution is inevitable and that we should therefore facilitate it by making it legal/setting it up as a proper job, then I think you have an extreme level of internalised misogyny. It is actually possible for you to say 'I don't accept this and never will' as an expression of your own self-respect and your respect for other women, even if you think men will continue to disregard women and treat them like commodities. Giving in to it is the ultimate act of self-erasure - you can't even claim your rights as a theoretical idea, never mind in reality.

Prostitution is the ultimate exploitation.

It's not a vocation, it's a rock bottom option option that comes from being in a position of a hard horrible choice.

It's also tells us a lot about the hearts and minds of men who get off on this power dynamic.

There is absolutely no comparison between having someone put a body part into your body and jobs like cleaning gutters and anyone who makes that comparison is either an idiot or so devoid of human feeling that there must be something more serious going on with them. Cleaning gutters is an unpleasant job but it is nowhere near the same as a person going into a room with (usually) a taller, stronger person in order to allow that person to interact with the most sensitive, most personal parts of their body, with a very high potential for pain and injury. Even if the client is the nicest person ever, it's still a fact that the interaction has involved the most intimate acts known to humans, acts that we don't tell children about because they are too complex and sensitive for them to understand. Anyone who says that in sex work those acts suddenly become straightforward, easy to do with anyone with no repercussions is clearly full of shit.

‘sex work’ (I abhor that phrase) will never be normal ‘work’ because the prostitutes would all have to wear hazmat suits and body armour to pass a Health and Safety in the workplace assessment and all the punters would have to be DBS checked!

FrogsFrogs the reason why I compare the two is because they are both controversial, some people are very much against it, some are not.
Make abortion illegal and it will happen in horrible conditions, as was the case in the past.
In short, you can't stop it altogether ( personally I am glad abortions can be done safely and legally in this country).
I don't think you can stop prostitution either, and like I said , I really don't know enough at the moment to decide whether making it legal would also make it safer.
I will say though, that I feel abortion is a necessity.
Prostitution isn't.

If sex work is just work then you will have no objection to young boys and girls doing it for work experience I assume?

If sex work is work then write the Person Specification and Job Description and see what it looks like.

Go online and find the sites where men write reviews of the women they have just abused. It will make you vomit and dispel any ideas that this is a benign 'business' where consenting adults have sex with each other and one just gives the other money.

@DuLANGMondeFOREVER I agree with your entire post.

Even if we said though 99% of prostitutes has no history of abuse or rape, weren’t forced into it weren’t trafficked into it etc. Does that make it ok?

If someone lined up 100 men in front of me and said you can have sex with whichever one you want, however one doesn’t want to be here/has no choice but to be here/was beaten until he agreed to be here/is here because he needs the money and we’re paying him/is here because he feels that is all he’s worth but don’t worry he will act like he’s enjoying it, I wouldn’t have sex with any of them incase I chose the one who didn’t want it! How is this even an argument.

Their 'choice' harms other women, harms women as a class. It sends a message that women are there to be commodified by men and to service men

Hear bloody hear.

I can’t express myself as articulately as many PP have done but because there is no voting button I’ve just come on to say YABU.