Male privilege: How can I explain to a man why some women are afraid of men?

jesus forgot to put your name on last one

I think I'm more scared of spiders than of men. I would never seek out an situation involving spiders.

I suppose I was anxious, not scared. You know, like before you go skydiving, but you still do it. Whereas I'm actually scared of scuba diving and would never do it, not even if you paid me. It's a bit different. Anxious, but not terrified to the point of being unable to walk home by myself, or making sure my drink is never out of my sight, or crossing the street to avoid etc which a lot do. Last time clubbing every time I wanted to piss my friend insisted on coming with me, wouldn't let me go to the bar to order drinks on my own, because "you never know what could happen", I just didn't see the big deal and thought she was making a fuss.

I was thinking about male privilege today. I’m 2 inches shorter than the average female and live in a house where the shower is built for the average sized man (I can’t adjust it low enough), my feet don’t touch the floor when I sit on my toilet or sofa, I have broken veins on the back of each knee from a lifetime of sitting on chairs designed for the average sized male... Even my kitchen countertops are all set too high for comfortable chopping, but the one that really gets me is the security peep hole in the front door is set higher than I can reach even on tiptoe. No-one that tall would need to use it! Went into the ladies toilets in a pub last week and the bottom of the mirrors were set higher than the top of my head. As is the card slot at petrol stations.

Feel like I live in a world designed for someone else. Because I do. And don’t get me started on the car layout...

But I ask again, why are you othering and seeking to insult me based on my protected characteristics?

Nobody is othering you except yourself @StreetwiseHercules.

And stop fooling yourself - you're not being insulted for your protected characteristics, you're being insulted for being a patronising bellend.

Ask him how he’d feel walking down a dark street filled with people who were all at least a foot taller than him, physically built so they could easily beat him up if they chose, and all armed with weapons.

Obviously not all men are violent but they all have the muscles to win a fight with any women / the equipment to force pregnancy, and that is intimidating even without looking ‘rough’.

Clumzy so you were in fact 'shit scared of men' as you put it, otherwise you wouldn't have felt vulnerable and experienced an adrenaline rush.

Men sexually assault because they can, not because of how women dress or behave.

I am aware. I was not trying to say the clothes would make them attack me, rather that the extra thrill I got from dressing that way made me feel more vulnerable, but also more sexually appealing, and therefore made the thrill higher.

But THEN I do have BPD, so dangerous impulsive behaviour could have something to do with it?!

That's one hell of a drip feed.

FWIW I was sexually assaulted in the street by a group of men when I was dressed entirely normally, in broad daylight, with other people around. Under 15 years old. I didn't need to go into an alleyway or dress in any special way. Men sexually assault because they can, not because of how women dress or behave.

And as for "looking dangerous"

OP, what is your friend supposed to do with that information?

Some women are scared of men. And?

Men are (in general) bigger, stronger and more aggressive than women. Not sure what you expect your friend to do about this. It's not exactly his fault that he was born a man.

Your friend didn't "get it" because there is no context for him. There are also, I imagine, a lot of men who are scared of other bigger, stronger men. Again that information, while factual, is of no use to man nor beast.

What do you want your friend to do?

Agree with you?

Apologise for being born a man?

Why even ask the question?

I’ve reported as your post appears goady and designed just to wind people up.

But THEN I do have BPD, so dangerous impulsive behaviour could have something to do with it?!

Fenella

Reported me for what? For bit behaving the way you want

Well, I'm a woman. A mother. And I yes, I used to do exactly that, because the adrenaline rush felt good.

ClumzyOwlz, are you for realz? You sound like a MRA pozing as one of the wimminz. Or perhaps you're the delightful and educational Hercules recycled?

Sorry if I've misjudged you, but... "I dress provocatively and seek out the company of dodgy men to prove my fearlessness," said no young woman, ever.

Rape not tape FFS

What men will never grasp is that it's not even a fear of tape or murder 99% of the time. Just going about our daily tasks leaves us in situations where we are intimidated (either deliberately or not).

For example, how many of us have sat on a train or a bus and despite many seats being available next to other men, a large man will come and sit next to you? Because you are smaller and an easier target. They have made this subconscious decision you will put up less of a fuss. No doubt encroaching into your space by pushing you off the arm rest and spreading his legs into your seating area. Now he hasn't actually hurt or assaulted you in any way, but none the less he has assumed his bodily needs have more priority over yours. He's has used his natural advantage of size and strength to intimidate you, enter you personal space and take something you had (the arm rest). Most men have no concept of how often this occurs and how intimidating it is. This is why we are conditioned to fear men. Even when it's 'innocent' they are raised and conditions that they are entitled to anything they want at the expense of others.

@ActualHornist
I'm not talking about rape here. I'm talking about experiences where women received actions or comments more negatively than were purportedly intended. Noone is getting the book thrown at them for an anonymous article or Twitter post.

I have seen workplace incidents where someone said something to someone they perceived to be a friend, who took offence, went to HR and negatively impacted their career. These are not criminal matters but you can make someone's harder without sending them to prison.

Personally, I avoid getting into anything remotely controversial or private (beyond asinine surface-level stuff) with any colleagues for that reason, so I'm definitely on the more paranoid side of things.

I’ve reported you Clumzy

@ClumzyOwlz here’s your medal 🏅

Some women are shit scared of men. Some are not. Their opinions and thoughts are still valid.

The whole notion was pilloried even though we know that men have had their lives severely negatively affected by accusations that were unverified, unverifiable and sometimes outright false

Who? @AnArrestableOffence Sounds like you’re basing that on one person you know rather than based on stats.

Because media around false allegations shows how women get the book thrown at them massively. How if women are the victim but the perpetrator is found not guilty they are still pilloried and harassed - Sometimes until they take their own lives.

And don’t even get me started on the rich and famous who are seemingly untouchable.

*threat, not thread.

And what point were you trying to make by deliberately wearing skimpy clothes and changing your route to walk through alleyways full of men (odd behaviour anyway). You're still changing your behaviour because of the perceived thread, albeit in a different way.

Clumzy please don't imply that the others on this thread are simply 'shit scared of men', it's insulting.

Logically he knows that statistically a dog is unlikely to attack him, and hes never actually been attacked by a dog on the street before, so he doesn't have previous experience to make him fearful of the dog. He might even have a pet dog at home, and he knows loads of nice friendly dogs, but this is a strange dog and he is alone with no one to help him if the dog attacks.

Bad analogy. If a strange dog started following me I'd turn around and make kissy noises, see if it was frienydly and was following me because it was lost or maybe just wanted petting.

If it growled at me, then I'd worry.