To be convinced this isn't autism

My child has autism and is also overly social - they can be extremely social but just find pitching their interactions very difficult if you see what I mean. M child was also very empathetic, made eye contact , shared pleasure and has a great sense of humour. My child is definitely autistic. Their diagnosis has got them into an appropriate setting for reception and they are flourishing. They absolutely couldn’t have managed mainstream schooling without the support a diagnosis brings. If you pull out now you may really struggle to get a diagnosis later if you need one. The violent behaviour is often due to their needs not being met in terms of them being hugely overwhelmed in situations. My child’s similar episodes decreased massively when he was treated with sensitivity to his autism post Diagnosis.

All our LA children’s centres have closed. You are in a bubble whyismysoullost

mumwon You are right. That's why I mentioned below that sometimes you have to specify to the professionals that your worried about ASD before they start putting two and two together. I guess it's about following parental instinct despite what the professionals say which is very difficult in itself.

We are quite lucky in my LA, most of our children centres have weekly drop in and chatter groups with speech and language therapists. Most parents use this opportunity to voice their concerns to the SLTs, they keep an eye on the child, referrals are made and hence going onto the ASD pathway is much quicker and the child gets a diagnosis at 2/3 years of age.

@whyismysoullost if your child has an atypical presentation or other co-morbid diagnosis you are dependent on the attitudes of medical staff & their knowledge/expertise or its lack or the financial issues in your trust which means they either delay or wont put forward a dc for diagnosis. I fought for years & was told that there was no need to label (dr words not mine) my child. I recognised that epilepsy symptoms didn't correlate with my dd issues but you have to remember that a lot of doctors have stereotype attitudes that girls don't get asd, that if they have eye gaze they don't have asd, & anyway its me being difficult overprotective mother who no doubt had Munchausen by Proxy - until I finally got to dd to asd assessment centre & within hours they confirmed her diagnosis - & what did the doctor say? "we (!!!) have learnt something here" (what me? bitter???)

housing London. Though again it's depends on the borough.

Leannb I think it's great that your son is getting the support ! In no way I'm I saying receiving a diagnosis over the age of 5 is doom and gloom and the child won't progress. I used to do some work with adults who had traumatic brain injuries and some of the progress they made, with the right support and therapy, was amazing. The brain is a fantastic organ.

I didn't mean to derail, I just want to highlight to the OP that she should grab the opportunity, for additional assessments of her DS, with both hands. Not all parents are lucky, most have to fight or the professionals don't pick up their DC'a difficulties and therefore years are wasted.

Just keep pursuing the diagnoses.

Recognising basic emotions with ASD is a common thing. It's managing these emotions and learning what is masking and what is not. Also being overly sociable is a sign of not understanding social norms and being too familiar.
A diagnoses is not doom and gloom and early intervention is key to helping the child.
I am by no means an expert (but many years of working with infant school children with ASD and lots of expert advice and further training) and I cannot diagnose over the internet but all those reasons (for and against) tell me there are traits of ASD. Please embrace them and use them to your child's advantage.
Intervention and help will allow your child to thrive in their environment and teach them skills they may not instinctively have.

20 or so years ago the average age for young people to get a diagnosis was about 17 - if you were lucky & persisted - dd was 16 & had previously been misdiagnosed with epilepsy - which was not an uncommon thing to happen -she was on medication (that she didn't need) for about 6 years & the side effect was on growth & delayed puberty (& issues with sensitivity to sun) among other things. Op please take this opportunity its to your dc advantage.

Dd diagnosed at 13.

@whyismysoullost I’m sorry but your experience is not usual. Perhaps you only come across the diagnosed children, and don’t actually meet the many, many undiagnosed ones? Some areas will not even start the diagnostic process until age 6.

@whyismysoullost.......My dh wasn't diagnosed until he was over 40 and served we 22 years in the AF as part of his out processing. My 11 yo was diagnosed last month. Thankfully, as soon as he was diagnosed he immediately got what he needed. Within a week he was started on meds (adhd) and assigned a para for 1 on 1 and has a chill out space that he can use during his meltdowns

Can I ask where in the UK that most are diagnosed at 2? In my LA it would be very unusual to even get a referral before 5.

I'm sorry, but we do find that 5 is a late diagnosis- especially when the child has not been receiving support before this
It is late but DD being my first meeting the main milestones slightly late but no worryingly.
I thought she was an anxious child until she started school in 2013.
I'd no idea as she floated unnoticed in preschool too.
With DS I knew myself something was wrong few weeks after his birth.

Utter rubbish that “most children” are diagnosed at age 2 or 3 and that 5 is late for a diagnosis.  What about the many many children whose ASD traits show later on than age 2 or 3?

I find that hard to believe. ASD is a developmental disorder, starting from birth, it could be very well that the traits were already there at a young age- it was just weren't picked up. It's difficult identifying children who have other difficulties going on eg. prematurity, health needs etc some professionals suspect that the child's atypical characteristics are down to this not something that is supposedly neurological. I also find that you have to tell the professionals what to look out for e.g.ASD in order for them to start putting two and two together.

In my LA, the majority of children are diagnosed 3, a few at 2 and children on the ASS pathway will be assessed around 6 months from the federal. I'm sorry, but we do find that 5 is a late diagnosis- especially when the child has not been receiving support before this. By age 5, children already have established foundations skills, most child development acquisitions (barring other things) is somewhat solid by this age group.

That's why at 5 years plus parents begin to see difficulties at school, You find that the child over the age of 5 cannot pay attention in class, social skills are lagging in comparison to their neurotypical peers, reading difficulties become apparent, speech and language development appears disordered or delayed (a child who has a S&L difficulties persisting over age 5 is not a delay- it's a disorder), the child cannot keep up with the curriculum etc.

Incidentally, my eldest got diagnosed at 12. I had to fight for 4 years to get a referral and wait another 2 before we got the diagnosis. So many people have to fight so hard to get in the system. If you are in and drop out it could take years to get back in when you are desperate.

Have you posted about this before?

I think it does sounds like ASD, possibly PDA possibly ASD and ADHD together which can present similarly. The only way you will get answers is by going through the process. It is slow and frustrating but not doing it will just mean that you don't end up with answers and that will make it hard to get appropriate help and support which, I'm afraid to say, will probably be needed more and more the older he gets.

I really don't know what you hope to gain by not going? Other than in the short term not having the minor inconvenience of attending a few appointments? Getting answers and/or diagnosis is not going to do any harm. Not doing so could do harm and make both your and his lives much harder than they need be. I can't understand why you would want to do that.

Utter rubbish that “most children” are diagnosed at age 2 or 3 and that 5 is late for a diagnosis. hmm What about the many many children whose ASD traits show later on than age 2 or 3?

They won't diagnose until aged 7 here. You have to fight for sodden everything.

I worked for years with people with autism and can honestly say it is not a one shoe fits all diagnosis .It is a broad spectrum .One autistic person may be outgoing and social so to speak the other the completely opposite. One thing i will say op to make you really think about cancelling the appts .The child that has huge meltdowns and hits you know will grow into a teenager who is a lot lot stronger with more uncontrollable meltdowns and capable of really hurting you .I have seem it happen. A lot of what you have said does point to autism but none of us in here are experts you need a professional diagnosis of yes or no .Autism is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of .

Mine has just been diagnosed with ASD and is described perfectly in your Op. Every single example given is spot on. On both points except the meltdowns - mine doesn't have those.
Apparently recognising emotion and being sociable can still be aspects of the personality of a person with ASD.

Definitely sounds like he needs to be assessed.

Have a look at PDA. It's recognised as a form of autism.

And actually the fact he laughs when he hurts means he doesn't understand emotions. Learning smiling = happy and crying = sad is rote learning.

My ds can say happy and sad. At 15 despite being highly intelligent he still doesn't understand and recognise or react correctly to emotion. But he can label it through learning.

And autism isn't a bloody label for all those saying it. It's a medical diagnosis. A label is what's out in clothing or on food packages 🙄

5 is not late for a diagnosis. My ds was referred at 2, discharged at 5 because they said although he had lots of traits he was coping quite well with life. Now in year 2 aged almost 7 he's waiting to be assessed again due to problems that have arisen at school. I am quite sure he has asd, it can just sometimes take longer to cause problems, I will welcome a diagnosis because he will then not be forgotten about in class, he will get the help he (sometimes) needs to do the best that he can do.

Above my DS is 4.

I haven't rtft
Going through similar all the routines, horrendous sensory issues, fear of loud noises, loving and affectionate yet extremely aggressive and grumpy.
We have just completed a full multi discipline private assessment as we are waiting 2 years and he needs it for starting primary school, in Ireland with a diagnoses you can no longer access an sna si we had to choice but to pay. He has full support AIM in preschool.
He has an emotional dysfunction disorder, causes he routines lack of friends rigid routines outbursts crying sessions.
SPD sensory processing disorder.
Dsypraxia.
Main issue is emotional dysfunction disorder now I've read all about it, it fits.

ASD isnt a label its a diagnosis. Nobody gets labelled as athsmatic or as IBS or as Migraine Headaches. You only see this with ASD or ADHD.

Quite frankly it's offensive.

Do you feel the features consistent with ASD cause him significant distress or loss of function? If so then they probably need following up. If you feel that the label is being too hastily applied say so clearly. I doubt any professional would label him asd against your wishes unless there were very serious concerns.